The vast majority of children look forward to Christmas, but there are also many who dread the holidays, for fear of their parents’ drinking habits. TV 2 profile Yvonne Fondenes (40) was one of those who thinks Christmas was difficult as a child – and who still thinks it can be challenging.
Earlier this year she opened up about his own upbringing in a violent and alcoholic home, in the middle of a quiet and resourceful residential area in Bergen.
– I have fond memories of Christmas as a child, but it is often the slightly painful and difficult memories that get stuck and stay with you, she says and continues:
– I remember a Christmas where I woke up to a Christmas tree that had fallen on the floor and the presents that had been thrown between the walls in the living room. The hours in the morning, before your parents wake up, and you do not quite know what this Christmas will be like and what the mood is like – it quite painful to feel as a child. And things that you may not connect at all as a child, such as your dad going to bed on the couch and falling asleep long before you have unwrapped the Christmas presents.
Ambivalent relationship to Christmas
Yvonne grew up in a home with a father who sometimes drank too much, and who beat his mother. Therefore, she was always on standby and had a constant anxiety and restlessness inside her. Christmas was no exception.
– What did it do to you?
– YVONNE AS A CHILD: Yvonne Fondenes grew up in a violent and alcoholic home. Photo: Private
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– You do not look forward to Christmas as other children do, perhaps. And you think it can be difficult because you feel a sense of insecurity. You have no control and you do not know what this Christmas will be like. These are not the gifts you are interested in – you are most concerned with finding out what the mood is like this Christmas, says the journalist and continues:
– I have an ambivalent relationship with Christmas as an adult. I feel that when December is here, the unrest will come. I have no reason for that, because I have a nice Christmas today, but it’s still there.
She does not decorate for Christmas if she does not have to. After enough fuss from her mother, she gets a poinsettia and a couple of elves at the last minute. In addition, the journalist must have control over who she spends the holiday with.
– I feel a need to know what is happening. But I could have skipped Christmas for a few years.
Expecting her first child
This year she has an extra good reason to think about the many children who live with parents who drink a little too much alcohol. She is expecting a little girl in the spring – and thus she and her cohabitant become parents for the first time.
– It is very big to have children for the first time. It was not a matter of course, so I am very happy about it, she says and continues:
– DROPING ALCOHOL AT CHRISTMAS: Yvonne Fondenes hopes that more parents can drop the alcohol at Christmas. Photo: Good morning Norway
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– For me, alcohol and children do not belong together. Not at Christmas either. My child should never see a change in me that makes them scared or anxious. So I think that when you have children, you celebrate Christmas on the children’s terms and then you put the cork in the bottle and drink Christmas soda or Christmas beer without alcohol. As a child, you notice change very quickly in your parents, and it is much earlier than you think.
Yvonne is aware that this is a moral and possibly an extreme position for some. She herself has experienced several times that her friends have said that they understand her position with the story she is carrying, but that they have control over the drinking and that they stop before the big change comes.
– You also have those who say that it is important that children get a normal relationship with alcohol, but it is an adult argument. These are not the children’s premises, and I think that Christmas in particular we should celebrate on the children’s premises.
Thanks for the openness
Katrine Gaustad Pettersen, acting general secretary of the alcove organization Av-og-til, says that they are also concerned that Christmas is an important time for the children.
– They look forward to it for weeks and months, so it is a situation where you have to be extra careful about how much you drink, she says to Good Morning Norway.
– CONCERNED FOR CHILDREN: Katrine Gaustad Pettersen, acting general secretary of the alcove organization Av-og-til, points out that Christmas is an important time for children. Photo: Good morning Norway
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– Do the children notice a change in us before we do it ourselves, as Yvonne says?
– Yes, they do. They notice the small changes that we adults are not so aware of, that we only think of as a good mood. We feel happy, we laugh more, talk a little eagerly and the tiny changes are enough to make children insecure. They see that you are different and do not quite understand what is happening.
Gaustad Pettersen thanks Yvonne for her openness, and says that it means a lot to those who think they are alone in the world to have it the same way.
– We know that there are many who experience what Yvonne tells about, unfortunately. 90,000 children grow up with a mom or dad who drinks too much. Now we are also in December, which is the month we Norwegians buy the most alcohol. This means that there are many other children who will experience in the next few days that their parents drink more than they usually do.
Many people drop their alcohol
A recent poll from the organization shows that 47 percent believe that they drink too much in front of the children at Christmas. In addition, 40 percent say they do not want to drink alcohol with their children on Christmas Eve.
– It proves that there are many who agree with Yvonne. So it is not such a moralistic and different message that one can feel for oneself.
In the survey, they also asked the children how much they think it is okay to drink when the adults are with them. The average answer is zero to a maximum of two glasses.
– I think that can be a good pointer for us adults who will be with children at Christmas. Then you might think that if you want a Christmas beer for dinner, you can drop the aquavit. Or you can choose non-alcoholic Christmas beer, which has become very good in recent years, points out Gaustad Pettersen.
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