Childbirth is a pivotal moment in a woman’s life, an experience combining joy, anxiety and anticipation. However, more and more women are expressing disappointment with this experience. Several factors contribute to this trend, which raises crucial questions about obstetrical practices, societal expectations and the support offered to new mothers.
Childbirth, often idealized as a perfect and serene moment, can nevertheless be a source of disappointment for many women. Between the high expectations fueled by society and the smooth narratives disseminated by social networks, the gap with reality can be deep. Experts Laura-Charlotte Bruneau, liberal midwife, and Julianna Vamos perinatologist (psychologist-psychoanalyst), shed light on the reasons for these growing disillusionments. From the medicalization of childbirth in some maternity wards to the inappropriate advice provided by many influential figures, including societal pressures and lack of emotional support, it is time to re-evaluate how we support women in this crucial stage. .
The expectations and reality of childbirth
In a society where social media and idealized narratives of childbirth are omnipresent, women’s expectations about this crucial moment can be unrealistic. According to Julianna Vamos, “all this pressure is obviously linked to social pressure but also to the way of seeing professional life. In our current society, you have to master everything and succeed in your projects. Some women, very committed to their professional life, are therefore unable to conceive of another temporality (to slow down the pace). As soon as we talk about the birth of a woman it is also about the birth of a baby and as soon as this is considered everything takes on another dimension“.
Thus, the images of serene and perfect births, often put forward, contrast sharply with reality, which can include pain, complications and unforeseen medical interventions. This dissonance between expectations and reality is a major factor in disappointment. For Laura-Charlotte Bruneau, midwife, “we must also be careful of “parental companions” and other influencers, who sometimes give a fairly idealistic discourse on childbirth. Indeed, some give advice for a physiological birth, and it seems easy, except that what works for one woman will not necessarily work for another. On the other hand, they can have their place for emotional or material support (helping to cook when the baby arrives, advice on childcare equipment, etc.), but when it comes to medical advice and decisions it is necessary to turn to a health professional (doctor-midwife)“, recalls the expert.
The medicalization of childbirth
One of the main criticisms expressed by women concerns the excessive medicalization of childbirth. Medical interventions, such as cesarean sections deemed “unnecessary,” episiotomies, and the use of drugs to induce or accelerate labor, are often perceived as dehumanizing. Women sometimes feel dispossessed by their own childbirth, with a sense of loss of control over their body and their experience. “It is very difficult to enter the psychological state of letting go“, specifies the psychoanalyst, before adding: “there is a fantasy of perfection that puts pressure on women. Medical intervention, especially cesarean section, is viewed negatively, as they may have the (false) impression that they were not good enough and that they did not really give birth. This idealization should be deconstructed“. Our midwife adds: “Women are often afraid because (among other things) of the facts of gynecological violence which have been brought to light. I think that childbirth preparation classes are essential to prepare yourself as well as possible and question your ability to handle the unexpected. Childbirth is an event that takes place in a medical setting (most of the time), and most likely it will go well but medical personnel should not hesitate to discuss any emergency situations that may arise. during childbirth“.
Lack of emotional support and support
Emotional support is crucial during childbirth. However, many women report a lack of empathy and support from medical staff. The pressure on health services, with teams often overworked and understaffed, can lead to impersonal and rushed interactions. This situation leaves women feeling isolated and misunderstood at a time when they are particularly vulnerable. Our expert midwife confirms: “Preparing for childbirth also means finding out about the different structures available for giving birth during pregnancy monitoring. Indeed, in a hospital structure, teams rotate, and the lack of time, resources and staff does not necessarily allow personalized support.“.
Societal pressure and judgments
Women are often under immense pressure to have a “perfect birth.” Debates about natural versus medical childbirth, breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding, and other parental choices can create a climate of judgment and guilt. Women may feel criticized for their choices or the circumstances of their birth, which adds to their postpartum disappointment and stress. “I think it is essential to choose the sources of information about parenting carefully. Shows like Les Maternelles or the account of the midwife Anna Roy are excellent, but be careful of information that is guilt-inducing and without medical advice“, specifies Laura-Charlotte Bruneau. Our expert Julianna Vamos adds that “this pressure can completely disappear if the meeting with your baby takes place, because his needs become a priority. If this psychological work is complicated, you should not hesitate to be accompanied by a health professional. Moreover, in 85% of cases, a few sessions with a psychologist are enough to see things more clearly.“.
Pain and complications
Pain and unforeseen medical complications also play a significant role in women’s disappointment. Although pain is an integral part of childbirth, some women feel unprepared for the intensity of this experience. “You can’t imagine childbirth until you’ve experienced it.“, notes the psychoanalyst. Complications such as serious tears, postpartum hemorrhages, or health problems of the baby can transform an event awaited with joy into a traumatic ordeal. “I actually meet a lot of women who are disappointed, sometimes shocked by their childbirth. Some may even present significant trauma which gives way to post-traumatic stress syndrome following their delivery. You should not hesitate to come back to certain points that remained unexplained during the birth with the healthcare team. If misunderstandings remain, caregivers are there to explain to the patient why they had to react in this or that way.“. Good news according to our expert psychologist: “Fortunately, it is possible to repair. If the woman realizes this trauma, psychological follow-up will be beneficial to better cope with this transition.“.
Towards an improvement in the birthing experience
To improve the experience of women, several avenues can be explored:
- Good preparation for birth : Provide expectant mothers with comprehensive and realistic preparation on what they can expect during childbirth, addressing both positive and negative aspects. “In addition to preparation for birth, future mothers/parents can turn to sophrology, hypnosis or yoga.“, suggests the midwife.
- Respect for women’s choices : Encourage practices that respect women’s choices, whether it is the way they want to give birth or the type of support they want. “Pregnancy is a time when it is necessary to prepare, not only for childbirth, but also for parenthood. Ask yourself questions like “What supports do I need? Who is with me during childbirth? How will I prepare for the unexpected and an emergency situation?” etc. From the moment of pregnancy, all this is prepared. We cannot control everything, neither during childbirth nor with the baby once it is born.“, adds our expert midwife.
- Increased emotional support : Providing adequate emotional support and understanding the psychological needs of women during childbirth is essential. “We often think that it is the co-parent who will accompany the mother-to-be, but it could be a friend, her mother or a trusted person. You have to listen to yourself“, specifies the midwife.
- Reduction of unnecessary medical interventions : Promote a less interventionist approach when possible, while guaranteeing the safety of mother and child. “To do this, you can contact the facility where you will give birth. Figures are made public on the number of interventions (caesarean section, episiotomy or even use of tools such as forceps)“, recommends the midwife.”I also think that a visit to the maternity ward (find out more if possible), to see what a birthing room is like and meet members of the medical team would help reduce the fear of the unknown for many patients“, she adds.
- Postpartum Support : Providing ongoing support after childbirth to help women manage all kinds of feelings (including disappointment) and prevent postpartum depression. “It is essential to identify women who have difficulty bonding with their baby. Moreover, some midwives realize this, and I visit these women. Being a “apprentice mother” is difficult, we grope, and that’s normal!“, indicates the perinatal psychologist. “In my practice, I note a difference between first-time mothers, who are very focused on childbirth, and women who are expecting their second or third child, for whom the postpartum period is more important. Let’s keep in mind that childbirth is intense, of course, but that this moment is fleeting in the experience of welcoming a child. Childbirth is very beautiful, but also very intense, both physically and emotionally. This event pushes us to our limits“, specifies the midwife.
If childbirth too often remains idealized or weighed down by sometimes unrealistic societal expectations, it nevertheless remains an exceptional moment, both intense and overwhelming, in the experience of parenthood. Beyond the pressures, it embodies a pivotal stage where life changes irremediably, and we hope that each parent can experience this moment with respect, kindness and without judgment. Recognizing the diversity of childbirth experiences allows us to honor this experience for what it really is: a unique encounter with life, and our baby.
