Foto: Siw Pessar
Do some men consider it a matter of course that women use contraception, and that in the “heat of the act” they think mostly of their own needs?
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This is a chronicle. The chronicle expresses the writer’s attitude. You can submit chronicles and debate posts to [email protected].
JUNE HOLM AND WILD BRATLAND HANSENauthors of the book “Aborted – stories about abortion”
“You don’t use birth control pills? I tip you for an attack girl tomorrow”
“There is zero stress. I’m really bad at jumping off in the turn”
“You are very unlucky if you get pregnant after a one-night stand”
“Don’t worry, I’m ‘clean'”
Heard it before? This, and similar statements, are so common that many do not even react.
Since 2020, we have interviewed over 200 Norwegian women about their experiences with abortion. We were surprised at how taboo the topic still is in abortion-liberal Norway.
And that it is women who, to a very large extent, still take responsibility – alone.
Several of those who became unplanned pregnant told us that they were never asked if they used contraception by their partner before they had sex.
Many of the women did not say they would use a condom, because they did not want to be a nuisance. And those who did, were in many cases met with quotes like the ones above.
Do some men consider it a matter of course that women use contraception, and think more about their own needs?
A survey published by NRK, which surveyed Norwegians’ attitudes to contraception, suggests that: Three out of four men trust that the women they have sex with use contraception, and do not bother to ask if she actually does.
Other research also shows that the use of contraception is primarily seen as the woman’s responsibility, not the man’s.
PREVENTION: Women still feel responsible for contraception, and therefore many remain silent when they become unwanted pregnant and have to have an abortion, write the authors of the book “Abortion – stories about abortion”. Photo: Malene Birkeland / VG
Perhaps the notion is left over from the past: In the sex education given in Norwegian schools at the end of the 1960s, there was a warning against intercourse.
Girls were told that greater burdens fell on them, they were the ones who had to keep sexual morality under control, since the boys had such a strong sex drive.
Restraint and self-control before marriage were seen as essential to building character for women.
Women still feel responsible for contraception, and therefore many remain silent when they become unwanted pregnant and have to have an abortion.
They simply feel irresponsible.
In our individual-oriented culture, we must be so good, “perfect” and have life planned to the last detail.
Therefore, the experience of an unwanted or complicated pregnancy that ends in abortion is even worse than it could have been, and many are left with a tremendous sense of guilt.
But it’s actually not enough to be careful about contraception either.
One in three abortions is actually taken after using contraception. Above 4,000 of the 12,000 who had an abortion in Norway in 2022had, for example, done something to avoid getting pregnant, whether it was using a condom, the birth control pill – or the more uncertain method, “jumping off the bend”.
That the women are ashamed and carry the feeling of being irresponsible is unfair, considering that no one is reproductive alone.
Men and women have shared responsibility for using contraception – and they have shared responsibility for abortion.
Therefore, parents must become better at talking to their sons about contraception – and about the possible consequences of not doing so.
The women we spoke to said that many men reacted with anger, sadness and despair when they found out about an unplanned pregnancy after a one-night stand.
Several accused the woman of “ruining their lives” if they chose to complete the pregnancy, even in situations where he had not asked about contraception.
It is understandable that men get frustrated in such a situation.
But if you choose to have sex without using protection or to check whether your partner uses hormonal contraception, there will always be a risk that it could happen. And then it will be up to the pregnant woman to decide.
Today is World Contraception Day. We are taking the opportunity to launch a new sexual morality in 2023: Anyone who wants the freedom to control their own reproduction must also take the responsibility that comes with it.
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Published: 26.09.23 at 18:56
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2023-09-26 16:56:26
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