fullscreen Ida writes about how men seem to be over-represented in the group that doesn’t wonder anything. Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto
“Aren’t you going to ask how I was?”.
My husband stiffens and realizes his mistake that is made time and time again.
I’m at dinner and I step into the role of the curious one.
Not because I love talking to strangers, but because it’s part of the package.
Now we sit here and are expected to behave like adults.
So I ask questions.
My host seems to think it’s obvious that he’s interesting, that my questions are born of a burning desire to know everything about his terrace, steps, career.
Finally, I run out of energy and I think that the silence that occurs should act as a clear go ahead, now it’s your turn to shoulder the role of host. But no, there isn’t a single question he could possibly ask me.
Not what I work at, if I have children, where I come from. Not even the standard questions that almost every woman has on her mind. The ones people complain about, but which fulfill a function. The small talk.
In general, there are questioning and non-questioning people. And it’s usually more fun to talk about yourself, to let your mouth go, but men must be overrepresented in the group that doesn’t wonder anything.
Clips with the title “my boyfriend’s beige flag” are being spread on Tiktok. Beige flag roughly means a weird trait that doesn’t necessarily have to be bad.
The clips are often about the man not asking his friends anything – either. The friends may have gone through divorces, had children, changed jobs. But no one in the group of friends picks up that ball. What do you do instead? Any draft? TV game? Looking out over the horizon and dreaming of the bygone freedom?
It sounds so stupid. But my husband never seems to “have time” to ask his friends anything.
Is men’s silence among themselves something other than the fact that they don’t ask questions in social contexts? I do not think so. It’s about seeing each other, being able to listen.
I guess women were raised to take care, men were raised to take up space.
But is it really that simple? I do not know.
After a weekend away, I come home, my husband looks up from the computer, gets out a fleeting hello before turning back to the screen. An hour later I exclaim obstinately: Aren’t you going to ask how I’ve been? I watch him stiffen up and realize his mistake made over and over again.
The most attractive thing there is people who want to know and listen to the answers.
It is not that difficult.
Ask her.
2023-09-29 22:23:00
#SÖDERBERG #difficult #men #questions
