Special centers are activated in their brains when they see their grandson
You’ve probably disapproved of the way grandmothers treat your children. You find it a pampering and undermining rules that you have managed to introduce into their lives. For example, you are surprised to find that your own mother secretly gives extra chocolate to your child while limiting treats to you when you were little. And when you ask her why she does it, after always claiming that eating too many sweets is bad, she answers with the most illogical sentence: “Well, she wanted to, Mom.” It’s as if something has clicked in her head and she is no longer the same person who taught you what is good and what is bad in life.
Recently, American scientists were able to determine what caused such a change. They studied the brain functions of about 50 women who have grandchildren aged 3 to 12 years. They were initially interviewed about how they felt about them and how long they spent together. They then examined their brain activity by magnetic resonance imaging as they looked at pictures of the kids, their own grown children, and complete strangers. Thus, they found that in their brains there is more activity when they look at photos of their grandchildren, and in centers that are responsible for emotional empathy. “The results show that grandmothers are set up to feel what their grandchildren feel when they communicate with them. If their child smiles, they feel his joy, if he cries, his pain and suffering, “said study leader Professor James Reeling of Emory University in Atlanta.
In general, emotional empathy is what helps us to empathize. Through it we are able to read by facial expressions, voice and other non-verbal signs how the person against us feels. It is also called emotional contagion or personal suffering, because the feeling is much more emotional and leading. In addition, it is considered to be of two types – good and bad. With good emotional empathy, we are able to help a stranger by feeling his emotions. In the case of the bad, however, this does not happen, as there is an emotional overload, which prevents us from reacting adequately.
When grandmothers look at pictures of their grown children, completely different centers are activated, which are related to cognitive empathy. With this kind of empathy, engaging with the other person’s emotions is not leading, but the key is the ability to put ourselves in his place. In other words, we have empathy again, but it is about thought, not feeling. It is cognitive empathy that helps us see the world through the eyes of others and put ourselves in their shoes.
“It shows that grandmothers are trying to understand what their grown child is thinking and feeling, but not so much emotionally. There is no factor like “oh, how cute you are” that is observed in grandchildren.
That’s why they may not provoke such a strong emotional reaction. And young children probably develop skills that allow them to manipulate not only the mother’s brain, but also the grandmother’s, “explains Rilling.
The researchers hope that their research will help to establish the social role of grandmothers, which has so far been talked about as something positive. For example, there is a hypothesis that women live long after their reproductive years to provide evolutionary benefits to their children and grandchildren. It is also supported by a study of the traditional Hadza people in Tanzania, where finding food from grandmothers significantly improves the nutrition of children.
Another study in local tribes showed that the presence of grandmothers reduced the intervals of birth of daughters and increased the number of grandchildren. In more modern societies, however, there are a number of data showing that positive communication with grandmothers helps children to perform better on a number of indicators, including learning, physical and social skills.
“I can completely identify with all these conclusions, because I spent a lot of time communicating with both my grandmothers. I still fondly remember the moments I had with them. They were always so hospitable and happy to see me. As a kid, I really didn’t understand why, but now I know, “said Minu Lee of Emory University’s research team. He adds that with their research they want to highlight those functions of grandmothers that help them play an important role in our social life and development. This is an important aspect of human experience that has largely been left out of the field of neuroscience to date, Lee said. So far, the places of the mother and father in the lives of adolescents have also been studied, but American scientists have the ambition to see at a later stage what the role of grandfathers is.
Their thesis is that people raise children collectively, which means that mothers receive help in caring for their offspring. It varies in different societies, but almost always exists. “We often assume that fathers are the most important after the mother, but this is not always true. In some cases, grandmothers are the main helpers, ”says Rilling.
The researchers emphasize that the answers received during the interviews with the studied grandmothers also shed light on the way they perceive their place in the lives of their grandchildren. They pointed out as the biggest challenge for themselves to try not to interfere when they do not agree with their parents about how they should be raised and according to what value system.
“Many of them also said that it is good not to be pressured by lack of time and money, as was the case with raising their own children. That’s why they are much happier to be grandmothers than mothers, ”says Rilling. This also explains why they are so attached to their grandchildren.
Adults today are considered cooler and more knowledgeable
Today’s grandparents are not perceived as old-fashioned and detached from reality. They see their generation as adaptable and open to changing times, according to a study by the American Institute for Good Households.
68% of those who participated in it indicated that they consider themselves more baked than their own grandparents.
The pandemic was a significant factor in shaping this prevailing view. After not being able to see their grandchildren in person for a long time due to coronavirus restrictions, 50 percent have increased virtual communication with them. 81 percent even think that social networks and phone calls are a good way to strengthen the connection.
Social worker Nancy Lean of New York describes herself as a virtual nanny to her grandchildren in Atlanta and Chicago. She helps them with online learning during the pandemic, and reads stories to the younger ones when their parents are busy.
According to the study, 90% of those who live close to their grandchildren have increased their care after seeing how difficult it is for their parents to balance between working from home and home schooling for their children. “Most new mothers need reassurance that they’re doing well and expect well-meaning advice, not criticism,” said Nancy Sanchez, who runs a course for grandparents at Stanford. It helps them not to feel marginalized and unnecessary by teaching them the latest trends in upbringing, so that their understandings are not perceived as outdated or unwanted by their own children, which is due to generational differences.
“I explain to them that they are in a new role. They may think that they are still raising their child, but this does not apply to the grandchild. I advise them to do everything possible not to undermine the shaky trust of the new parents, because in such a situation they would lose everyone, “explains Sanchez.
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