On Tuesday, director Charlie Dewulf (29) took part in ‘De Slimste Mens’, the first non-binary candidate ever. “When I talk about you, I’m not allowed to talk about ‘he’ or ‘she’, but about ‘that one’, that’s right, right?” Erik Van Looy asked. “I hope I don’t make any mistakes,” the quizmaster said. Why is gender-neutral speaking important for everyone? And how do you approach it?
Charlie Dewulf is non-binary and explained exactly what that means at the beginning of the episode. “That you don’t feel like a man or a woman,” he sounded a bit nervous. “From an early age I felt that being a woman was not quite right for me. I was afraid to say that out loud for a long time, because I thought that those around me would no longer like me and that I would lose my parents and friends.”
After a round of applause, Erik Van Looy started talking about pronouns, because the quizmaster wanted to address Charlie correctly. “I am not allowed to speak of ‘he’ or ‘she’, but of ‘that one’. And instead of, for example, her or his diploma, I should say ‘their diploma’. Now, I might make a mistake, but I certainly respect it.” “To miss is human,” Charlie replied.
Charlie Dewulf, Jacotte Brokken and Guga Baul in ‘The smartest person’. © rv
Van Looy is not the only one who consciously pays attention to the correct pronouns. Our society is paying more and more attention to it. “Our society is gaining more and more insight into inequalities between men and women, but also into the fact that not everyone fits into those binary boxes,” confirms social and cultural psychology researcher Loes Meeussen (KU Leuven & Thomas More).
That understanding is important. “Anyone who says ‘hello ladies and gentlemen’ makes it appear that it is a relevant division. And furthermore, that as a person you must fall into one of those two categories. People who don’t feel at home there always get a bad feeling.”
By putting people into two boxes, we create prejudices
It turns out that we are taught gender at a young age. “Social psychological research shows that by continually dividing our society into the two compartments of men and women, we create inequality. You are put into those boxes from a young age. In fact, it is the first question you ask a pregnant person: will it be a boy or a girl? You always emphasize a category and always confirm that ‘man’ and ‘woman’ are relevant divisions.” And this is how stereotypes are created. “We look for typical characteristics of boys and girls and (unconsciously) form stereotypes.”
We know that young girls are more likely to think of a particular profession if it is in a gender-neutral form.
Loes Meeussen, researcher
“There has been fascinating research into what happens when you divide a class into other groups, such as eye color, instead of gender. “You see that the children quickly use that category to say what a person’s character is like. The children with brown eyes are tough and those with blue eyes are impatient, just to say something. So we do the same with gender, because that division is made all the time.”
Gender neutral: ridiculous or important?
‘Gender-inclusive’ language is the umbrella term for all forms of non-sexist, inclusive and gender-equal language use. “First of all, it is good to explain why this language is useful: not everyone fits into the normative picture. And if people do not feel good in a society, they function less well.”
“It goes beyond non-binary and is relevant to many more groups. It is also about a more equal labor market. We know that young girls are more likely to think of a particular profession if it is in a gender-neutral form. By describing the profession as less masculine, we see in studies that they are also venturing into a professional field where more men used to work.”
Read more below the photo.
Dr. Loes Meeussen © rv
It is also better not to ask ‘How is your husband or wife?’, but rather ‘How is your partner?’. Meeussen: “Otherwise you quickly impose a heterosexual standard on someone. So you can give more groups than just non-binary the feeling that they are welcome with gender-inclusive language.”
‘Nowadays nothing is allowed anymore’
Meeussen understands very well that gender-neutral addressing can feel far-reaching for some. “It is not necessarily a bad thing that such recommendations open up the debate. It is good that this topic is being discussed. These remain recommendations, not everyone has to agree with them or adhere to them. You also don’t have to be afraid of doing something wrong or making a mistake. It doesn’t all have to be perfect, the intention to practice it already means a lot to people.”
The loudest shouters will also be the most noticeable, the researcher points out. “I think a lot of people agree with the recommendations, but you may hear them less. Change is also difficult for some and can cause resistance. Yet we learn new habits faster than you might think. Take the smoking ban: it was almost unthinkable for some to smoke outside. But that resistance has subsided and it is now the most normal thing in the world.”
There are also contexts where it is relevant and okay to ask about your gender. But we can also ask ourselves whether it is always necessary.
Loes Meeussen, researcher
Is it over with ‘men’ and ‘women’? “The intention is not to eliminate or ban men and women. There are people who feel completely male or female and that is fine too. Rather, it means creating additional compartments, because ideally we want to involve everyone.”
“We can also look at when it is necessary to ask for such boxes. There are contexts in which it is relevant and okay to ask about your gender, but we can also ask ourselves whether it is always necessary. For example, should people know what my gender is when I order a takeaway meal?” Meeussen concludes.
Small effort, big effect
The Transgender Info Point (TIP) also provides advice on dealing with gender-inclusive language. “Engage in conversation and experience first-hand why it can be important to use that way of speaking. Try to put yourself in the place of others. Do you find it uncomfortable? Ask yourself why: do you find it too difficult or complicated? Do you feel threatened? Are you afraid that the increased attention will have an adverse effect?”
“You can then do various things: read up on the theme, meet others, practice… If you do not want to make adjustments or if you have a different opinion, remain respectful of those who do wish to do so.”
Complicated language constructions or rules are of course less easily absorbed. It is better to make small efforts.
Transgender Info Point
The TIP notices that many people are looking for the best way to address someone who is non-binary. “Complicated language constructions or rules are naturally less easy to absorb. It is better to inspire people to make a difference through small efforts in their attitude and language use. Using pronouns in the email signature is a good example of a small action. You changed it so much.”
“Moreover, it is best to practice through written language, such as letters, emails and vacancy texts. It is a bit more difficult with spoken language because communication is much more spontaneous. You then have less time to think and some statements or addresses are so common that they are reproduced without too much thought.”
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2023-12-08 06:00:02
#shouldnt #afraid #speak #talk #respectfully #nonbinary
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