“Often I joke about my virginity myself, but that’s just a way to get around the pain. I’ve never been in a relationship, so the people close to me also know that I’ve never had sex . That’s not how I envisioned my life, but so far it has turned out that way. And more and more often I think it will stay that way.”
“I’m not bitter, I’m realistic. Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I’m a so-called incel, short for involuntary celibacy. A term coined by an English woman who started a forum to chat about her unwanted sexlessness, a positive idea that has since been hijacked by angry men who blame women for their lack of sex.
I’m not wired like that at all. It’s often nerds, like me, and shy gamers who have a big mouth online. I do look like this, I’m also a gamer and I like Dungeons & Dragons (a fantasy game, ed.), it’s where I can express my creativity. But being a nerd is not the norm. When I say at a party that I like gaming, I notice that people look at me in a different way. If it is also mentioned that I am not yet in a relationship, then I see how I am being pushed towards the stigma.”
Alone in bed
“Being a virgin and missing a relationship weighs heavily, even though I have a nice life. One of my brothers lives near me with his family, which is very nice. My nephew is always so happy to see me , I have a good relationship with my family and nice friends. But yes, I come home every day to an empty house, especially now that my two cats are no longer alive, and I am alone in bed every night.”
“It would be nice if I could wait for someone, or someone for me. That has nothing to do with sex, it’s about intimacy. In my twenties I was full of hormones, then I fervently hoped for sex and for In my thirties I was also curious when it would happen, but now it feels like it won’t happen anymore, like I’m not worthy of intimacy.
That feeling often comes over me when I see couples, whether it’s on TV or in real life. That’s why I hate kissing in public. It’s so confronting.”
Heat cannot be bought
“Hope is getting less and less. I accept my fate, but it’s not easy. People I know regularly give me encouraging words that every pot fits a lid and that my time will come, but those are always people who are in a relationship. Kindly meant, but they have no idea.
A couple of friends have also suggested scrapping money and hiring an escort for me, but what good is it? Then I had sex, check, but that doesn’t solve anything. You can’t buy the warmth and closeness I crave.”
“It’s not that I don’t try, by the way. I’ve been in love a few times, with a woman I met at work or through friends. Then I made it clear that the dinner was really a date, but I dared to make a move not to make.
I have noticed on several occasions that people like to come to me with their problems, looking for advice and a listening ear. People often come to me for relationship advice, but that’s so stupid because I have no experience. And meanwhile I see everyone doing stupid things in their relationships, thinking: be happy with what you have. And several times I fell madly in love with such a girl, while she only saw me as a dear friend. I can’t hear the term ‘friendzone’ anymore.”
Dear guys finish last
“The last time I had a big crush was over five years ago. I’ve tried internet dating, but it hasn’t been successful. Whenever I talk about my hobbies, the conversation falls silent. And Tinder is just a meat market where the women having a choice Apparently I’m always the older brother they miss so much, that’s a blessing and a curse Sweet boys apparently finish last.
I have now let go of my desire to have children, because what is a child supposed to do with such an old father, if I suddenly get into a relationship? No, I’m not looking for it anymore. It would be nice if it happens, but maybe it’s just not in it. I cherish the beautiful moments with the people I love, and occasionally consciously open my arms when greeting for a nice hug. I feel it down to my deepest fibers and that is also very nice.”
The name Ramses is a fictitious name, his real name is known to the editors.
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lesson section on RTL News Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with a hand in your own bosom. Did you eventually turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love or did a composite family turn out to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. Telling is allowed anonymously. Mail to: [email protected].
