Our communication has been the same for years: a lot of talking (me) and a lot of silence (him). And when my sweetheart has spent an evening with friends and I wonder how it went, I get a monosyllabic response.
A good conversation between us – at least, my version of a good conversation – is a bit like a root canal: you just have to wait, you pull and pull and despite the anesthetic it is unpleasant for both parties. Fortunately, we’ve been together for a long time and by now we know each other’s quirks – and let’s not forget the fun sides!
“Oh, and what was your girlfriend like, who was recently ill?” Sometimes I ask him when he is out. Or: “Are things getting better at work?” Then I’m looked at: “We haven’t talked about it.” So what were you talking about? “Oh, everything.” For real?
When I meet friends, or ‘talk’ to them via WhatsApp, my ears are full of all the information exchanged at the end of the evening. I know all about their life, their relationship, their annoying manager and troubles with the mother. The bond with my handful of friends is forged through a lot of chatter and sometimes a common “enemy”.
But how do men make friends? “You enter a conversation and are triggered by what the other person says or how he thinks,” mumbles friend M. when asked. Is a conversation enough for a friendship? “Yes. Little by little you discover if you can still trust him. It starts with respect. And appreciation. If I hadn’t appreciated your opinions and your way of thinking, our contact would have ended a long time ago.” Good.
I write to my son (23): ‘What do men talk about? Apparently these are not the same things as women, i.e. everything from relationship problems to disturbances and gossip. Don’t men talk about it? Or just not together? ‘
“That question is a big generalization,” I quickly go back (it has the subtlety of its mother). ‘It differs in person, group of friends and situation. I have always been able to talk freely about things with my friends: mental health, relationships, health … I think older men, not my generation, talk a lot less about these things. The fact that men don’t talk is out of date as far as I’m concerned. When I ask my friends, “How are you really?” and they answer seriously, then that’s fine. And viceversa. Otherwise they are not your friends. ‘
“But you didn’t learn that from your father,” I reply. He replies: ‘No, and neither did he from his father. I am much more emotional than him, but also emotionally much better than him. I’m very good at talking about difficult things. ‘
It was still a pleasant conversation. Was it that hard !?
He also got it from his mother.
From the Libelle podcast Dialogue with the vagina can be heard through libelle.nl/podcast. It’s about everything that has to do with femininity. Recommended!
