While at the beginning of the relationship we only see the partner’s positive aspects, over time his negative qualities, quirks or opinions that are not our own can surface. And so a long-term relationship, including a marriage, can turn into one constant battle in which there are no winners or losers. The good news is that every couple can work on their relationship and turn it into a strong partnership that can overcome difficult times.
Relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein offers five signs that it’s high time you start working on your marriage relationship with your partner. Otherwise, there is a risk that you will not celebrate a golden, let alone a platinum, wedding.
1. You wish your partner would change
Yes, everyone occasionally thinks that their partner could be less hot-tempered, more caring or empathetic. But if you wish on a daily basis that your partner was different, then your relationship is not right.
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“I think a red flag in marriage is when you want to change your partner in any way and you’re not going to accept them for who they really are,” says relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein, adding that this way of thinking just makes you angry.
You will do better if you focus on your partner’s positive aspects and accept their good and bad qualities.
2. You sacrifice yourself for your partner
There comes a time in every relationship when you have to let go of your demands and find a compromise that works for both of you. But the problem arises when you constantly submit to your partner and give up everything you love. If you’re one of those women who would sacrifice the blue sky for your husband, at the expense of your own needs, take your foot off the gas. And try to think about the things you really want from life.
3. Lack of trust
Maybe your partner cheated on you in the past, maybe you’ve had the feeling for a long time that something isn’t right between you. Either way, a lack of trust is a breeding ground for other relationship problems.
“Without trust, your relationship doesn’t have a solid foundation,” warns Jaime Bronstein for Brides. Although it won’t be easy, it’s really important that you and your partner work on mutual trust. If you don’t know how to do this, don’t be afraid to seek out a relationship therapist who can help you rebuild trust.
4. You argue all the time
Arguments are a part of a relationship, and they certainly don’t have anything to do in a happy marriage. If your conflicts are justified and you can listen to each other during them, then there is nothing wrong with arguing a few times a year.
On the other hand, it’s definitely not a good sign if you and your partner argue every day over little things, or if you deliberately provoke a conflict. Replay your last disagreements in your head and realize if they were really necessary and brought about a solution to the problem.
5. You don’t know how your partner feels
It’s logical that once children come, partners don’t have as much time for each other as they did when they were childless. Nevertheless, do not forget about your partner and pay at least a little attention to him. Ask how they’re feeling right now, how a challenging task at work went, or if they’re dreading an upcoming medical exam. And in the same way, require your partner to be interested in you in a similar way.
“As soon as you feel alone in a relationship, trust in your partner can break down and the relationship can be headed for its demise,” adds the relationship therapist.
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