Daria Varlamova, science journalist, author of the books “Go Crazy! The City Guide to Mental Disorders and In Your Mind: How to Take Care of Your Mind Every Day.
If you describe bipolar disorder in one phrase, it is an extremely uneven distribution of energy: the brain either plows at 200-300%, or, conversely, like a dim light bulb in the stairwell, it barely releases energy. Plus, the “swing” of the mood, when you either feel like the queen of the universe, or it seems to you that you are incapable of anything and everything is hopeless – and regardless of external circumstances.
A person with bipolar disorder is like two different people. There is a better version of you, and there is a worse version of you, and then there is an average you.
IN lifting phase (hypomania) you have a lot of strength, excellent mood, colossal efficiency and creativity; you are not afraid of anything, you believe in yourself, you gush.
A in the phase of recession (depression) You live with the feeling that you are as if crushed by a stone. There is no energy, no joy; it is difficult to walk, eat, sleep, even breathe. And all this lasts for weeks, sometimes months.
About Diagnosis and Relief
I came to the doctor when I had depression for several months and I realized that I was losing my ability to work. I worked as a journalist and noticed that I began to think worse: I could look at one line for hours and not understand what to do with it.
By this point, I had already done a little amateur study of psychology, began to find out what it could be, and I had a hypothesis about bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist also made this diagnosis, but in depression it seems to many that the diagnosis is undeserved, so I double-checked it four times with doctors from different cities.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I felt great relief.
I realized that it was not about me and not that I was lazy or bad. There is an objective problem in which I am not to blame. I finally had a plan on how to act, because there is a protocol that allows you to get out of this state.
About patient horror stories
Many people are afraid of making a diagnosis, because it is terrible to feel flawed and it seems that any appointment with a psychiatrist is two steps away from a madhouse. But this is not true. In addition to the so-called big psychiatry (this is nonsense, hallucinations and all sorts of stories about the fact that the patient imagines himself to be Napoleon), there is a small one – conditions that are already considered psychiatric, but are practically invisible from the outside.
Your neighbor, colleague or acquaintance may have a mental disorder, and this does not mean that the person will behave in a strange or defiant way.
There are two more typical horror stories about patients and psychiatrists. The first is that if they find something from me, then I will immediately and forever become the king of butterflies. In fact, it’s not that easy to completely “fly off the coils” – this does not happen very often, and most conditions are reversible with the help of drugs. In addition, even acute situations like psychoses develop gradually, and in many cases they can be controlled.
The second horror story is about an uncle in a white coat who will inject you with haloperidol until you turn into a vegetable. The basis of this myth is Soviet punitive psychiatry, but today even in state dispensaries they are not interested in taking you to a hospital without good reasons. The task of the hospital is to quickly stop extreme cases when a person harms himself or others. In addition, there is a private psychiatry, which generally does not lock anywhere and does not report anything to anyone.
About antidepressants and self-control
In terms of treatment, a combination of medication and psychotherapy helped me. It is considered optimal, and the cognitive behavioral therapy I have had has been proven effective for depression and anxiety disorders. Since then, I regularly take the same drugs, and they do not bring me any discomfort. I perceive them as if I were, say, injecting insulin: I have a chronic disease – I correct it.
It seems to many that with antidepressants a person will turn into a happy idiot – no, he will not turn; all crises will remain in place, it will just be easier to endure them.
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Gradually, my condition became more controlled and manageable. I have never done anything extreme in hypomania before, but I could, for example, instead of work, start sewing myself a Halloween carnival costume or start cleaning at 2 in the morning. Now, when my rise begins, I notice this and understand that I need to take a pill, not make sudden movements, and if the idea seems cool to me to urgently start a hound, it is better to discuss it with someone first.
Psychotherapy gave me such an unexpected plus as resistance to external chaos. When, against the background of the stress factors of recent years, even healthy people ceased to regulate themselves, I did not have the feeling that the steering wheel was floating away somewhere – on the contrary, I explained to everyone how to help myself get out of gloomy thoughts and anxiety.
On relationships and Die Hard
In depression, a person moves away from loved ones, and it is difficult for them, because they feel unwanted. At first, my husband and I also had misunderstandings: it seemed to him that I was not interested enough in him, but I was not interested enough in life. Now we have specific agreements on what to do with me when I am on the rise or on the decline.
People are afraid of other people’s diagnoses because it increases the unpredictability of a person in their eyes.
It is important to explain very clearly to others what is happening to you and, most importantly, what can be expected of you.
Relatives need to be given a set of simple instructions on how they can make your (and at the same time their) life easier: for example, tuck in your blanket or go for a chocolate bar. Personally, when it’s really bad, I need to help move into the living room and put on “Die Hard” – for some reason it helps.
About swings and timer work
Usually four times a year I have ups for a week or two and three times a year downs for three weeks – a month. This does not mean that in the depression phase I do not work and do not enjoy life, it’s just that I am in the red compared to my average state. There is a stereotype that you suffer 24/7 when you are depressed, but this is not always the case.
Unpleasant sensations are often found in waves, and there are gaps between them. And with antidepressants and psychotherapy, I feel a drop in energy and motivation during these periods, but almost no melancholy or hopelessness.
The difference in performance in depression and hypomania is enormous. In hypomania, you have a lot of energy, your brain works more clearly, your reaction speed increases; you become more creative. And in depression, memory freezes, information is processed more slowly, everything falls out of hand.
Emotional “swings” can be amortized by working planning.
You have to adjust your lifestyle, but it’s doable even for non-freelancers like me. Once upon a time, I used a timer to calculate how many hours of pure time per day I can work in depression, in a normal state, and in hypomania. If I have a vigorous week, then I will be able to raise the production rate (but not too much so as not to overwork), and during a depression I can ask the customer for a couple of extra days in advance if there is a risk of delaying work.
About books for dummies
When I was just starting to look for information about bipolar disorder, I was faced with the fact that at that time there was almost no intelligible information about this in Runet. I realized that I could make a book myself for people who were in my situation.
My friend and co-author Anton Zainiev also had depression at the time, and we thought it would be great to write a simple guide about it for the average user. This is how the guide to mental disorders “Go Crazy!” appeared.
As a patient, the work on the book gave me a new meaning to everything that was happening.
And the self-help “In Your Mind: How to take care of your own psyche every day” helped build your experience into a system and support yourself and others. I am a rather introverted person and would not be able to volunteer where there are a lot of people. Here I was able to benefit them, despite the fact that I do not have much energy for communication. I wrote a book, people read it, then they say that it helped them, and this is very inspiring.
Read also:
How do I deal with depression: personal experience
How to properly seek information about bipolar disorder and support a person with such a diagnosis
How I live with epilepsy: personal experience
What are some very simple habits that will keep you healthy for years to come? Watch in the video:
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2023-07-19 06:00:22
#Coping #Bipolar #Disorder #Personal #Experience
