Remain silent at the hairdresser or beautician? Sometimes you need it so much, and yet it feels extremely uncomfortable. “But you should also not underestimate small talk in social professions,” say two etiquette experts. They provide tips, both for the client and for the professional, on how to politely spend your treatment in silence. “The danger lies in the moment you have finished speaking.”
“I had a very rough day today, so I apologize in advance if I am quieter,” my beautician said recently, just after I walked in. ‘You go girl’, I thought. “It takes courage to say that out loud.” Because silence in the beauty industry is not a ‘normal’ thing. And yet, even as customers, we sometimes long for not having to say too much during our treatments. Or listen.
The fact that we chatter endlessly in social professions is a rule set in stone. “A certain group of customers does not just go to the hairdresser or nail stylist to look good. They also consciously seek out social contact. They want to have a chat. Tell their story. It is a basic need, like food and drink,” says etiquette expert Kevin Strubbe of Hospitality Creators. “That chat also contributes to the customer experience.”
Why are those conversations so tiring?
And yet it happens that you are just that customer who prefers to remain silent. Because you had a rough day. Or because you want to enjoy yourself in silence. Or because you don’t feel like that endless small talk. Because the latter in particular makes a conversation tiring. “Small talk is a collective name for informal conversations that are not conducted about the content, but about the conversation itself,” says Strubbe.
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“It requires energy, because you don’t know what the next topic of your conversation will be,” continues Vincent Vermeulen, founder of School for Butlers & Hospitality. “You often feel that obligation.”
“In many sectors people ‘talk’ to each other, but say the same sentence 202 times every day. Think: ‘So, are you still going on holiday?’ or ‘Bad weather today, isn’t it?’” said Strubbe. “It gets boring in the long run.”
The danger lies in the moment you have finished speaking. Because then comes the gossip and the name-dropping
Vermeulen
Gossip also makes a conversation tiring. And now many hairdressers and beauticians let it fly through the air like hair and dander. “The danger lies in the moment you have finished speaking. Because then comes the gossip and name-dropping,” says Vermeulen. “Gossip in itself is tiring. You get involved in a discussion about someone. Don’t think anyone will spread the word. But everyone thinks that, and yet no one remains silent,” says Vermeulen.
Thanks to these tips, you can remain silent without feeling guilty. “You don’t necessarily have to tell the reason why”
Don’t feel like chatting during your beauty treatment? Then that’s perfectly okay. “The best option is to report it verbally. In etiquette people still say far too little about what they really think. The trick lies in tailoring your language in such a way that you come across as friendly. For example, say: ‘I appreciate your initiative to have a conversation, but I would like to enjoy some silence today,’” says Vermeulen.
Left: Vincent Vermeulen. Right: Kevin Strubbe. © Steven Richardson / Jean Van Cleemput
You as a professional can also give your customer a start. “Good service lies in asking whether your customer is interested in a conversation. Whether he or she prefers to quietly enjoy the treatment. You’re not doing anything wrong with that,” says Strubbe.
“As a customer, you can also give indirect hints, such as staring aimlessly into space, immediately picking up a magazine or closing your eyes. You don’t necessarily have to tell the reason why you prefer not to talk,” says Strubbe. “You can indicate in a sympathetic way that it’s just not your day.”
Do you still feel uncomfortable or even rude when you remain silent? That is normal. “We don’t like social silences. Start shuffling. But I think that feeling is misplaced,” says Vermeulen. “We sometimes break silences too often by talking too much. While silence can be very powerful.”
Hairdressers and beauticians are also allowed to remain silent. “The silent chair is a win-win”
Hairdressers and beauticians can also work in silence. “It is also important for them to indicate this verbally. This can be done in the same way as the customers. But professionals still do this far too little. They often feel guilty, but there is nothing wrong with sharing that message.”
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“It is important that they explain why they are not talking to the customer. If they just start working, it’s more likely to lead to a bad customer experience. Of course you don’t want that.”
“You can also subtly ask your customer if he or she wants a newspaper or magazine. It is best to do this immediately when the person takes a seat,” says Strubbe.
It’s refreshing to have a deeper conversation
Vincent Vermeulen
And then of course you have the new phenomenon of silent chairs and silent hairdressers. “Nowadays you can book an appointment and indicate in advance that you do not want to chat. That is a win-win situation for both the customer and the professional,” says Vermeulen. “You see such initiatives more often these days. This way, when you book an Uber, you can choose whether or not you want to talk to your taxi driver.”
This is how you keep your social battery charged
Suppose your customer prefers to have a chat, as a professional you can use different tactics to keep your social battery up to date. “It sounds far-fetched, but in the morning make a list of topics you would like to talk about that day. Variety makes the work fun. You also know some customers well, so you know what they like to talk about. It is refreshing to have a deeper conversation,” says Vermeulen.
“If you ask the right questions, you come across as sympathetic,” says Strubbe. “Ask open questions and let your customer express themselves. That uses even less energy.”
© Getty Images/Maskot
“Try to teach your customer something too. They always say ‘interesting people are interested’. Those are the best conversations,” says Vermeulen. “And definitely take sufficient breaks between your customers. Go for a walk. Make sure you disconnect for a moment.”
Is your conversation veering towards small talk? “Then broach neutral topics that make the conversation extra interesting, such as a book, movie or nice restaurant. But stay away from topics that require an opinion, such as sex, money matters, the war or politics. We need to move more towards light-hearted conversations, because that’s how you discover new things. That makes it fun.”
Also read:
Ordinary hairdressers are passé, discover these 5 new types: “Don’t worry, the blind hairdresser sees clearly what he is doing”
No small talk at the hairdresser? Take a seat in the ‘silent chair’: “Silence is less embarrassing than talking about the weather”
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2023-11-04 09:01:12
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