Lying is not allowed, almost every parent teaches that to their children. Yet around December 5 we go to the craziest lengths to convince children that Sinterklaas really exists. Everything to make the party as magical as possible.
But lies are not necessary at all to feel the magic, says Shadi Erfani. She is the mother of two children aged 4 and 6 and consciously chooses to tell her children honestly that Sinterklaas is a man in a suit. For her it is no different from the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, Spiderman or other cheerful inventions. And if questions arise about gifts, candy and other traditions associated with Sinterklaas? “Then I just say ‘mom did that’.”
“I think it’s quite wrong to make fun of your child,” she says. “My children need to tell the truth, so they need to trust me to do the same.” The lies also often don’t make the party any more fun, says Shadi. “Many children find it very exciting that someone comes to your house to leave presents. Then there is the story that you will go to Spain if you are not nice. I don’t want my children to be afraid or imagine feeling fooled.”
Folk story
Online, the Sinterklaas celebration regularly leads to discussions between parents about whether or not to lie. “It is a collective lie,” says Rianne Kok, associate professor of educational sciences at Erasmus University. “A folk tale that children see at school, in the city and on the Sinterklaas news.” As a scientist, Sinterklaas is very interesting to her, because she conducts research into lying to children in a broader sense.
She immediately adds that the word ‘lie’ sounds very harsh, because it often has a negative connotation. But parents also often lie to protect children or to make something more fun. “The fact that you don’t tell the whole truth can have many colors.”
Many people can still remember very well the moment they found out that Sinterklaas had not existed all along. Some children are very proud or happy that they have found out, others feel a bit cheated.
Not bad for confidence
But is it also bad for your trust that you have been fooled by your parents all this time? Not much research has been done in the Netherlands into whether children are affected by it, and the most recent research dates from 2015. Research has also been conducted in the United States this year into how children experience Christmas. Both studies show that in general the lies have few long-term effects. Nor does it make children stop trusting adults.
“Children are often disappointed for a moment, but those feelings are often short-lived,” says Kok. Every child is of course different, but this is the general picture, according to her. Children suffer more from this if their parents have strongly encouraged their faith. Children who have believed in it for a lot longer than others also tend to have a slightly worse feeling about it.
“Children often discover this gradually. They start asking questions around the age of 6 or 7, which is also the age at which magical thinking diminishes a little,” says Kok.
As a pedagogical researcher, she is often asked what she recommends about talking about Sinterklaas. “It is a journey of discovery that you as a parent can participate in,” she says. “When children ask how Piets get in when you don’t have a chimney, you can ask a question in return. ‘What do you think?’.”
And as soon as a child has doubts, you can simply go along with it. “As a parent, you can start telling all kinds of new lies to maintain it, while the child indicates that it is ready to know more. Then you go against the natural process of discovery.”
Way magic?
Also, the magic of the party does not have to be gone once children have discovered the big secret. Especially for children with younger brothers and sisters, it can be very nice to become part of the plot from that moment on. “Then you can belong to the grown-ups. That can be a nice replacement for that magic.”
Mother Shadi often gets the reaction that she is ruining the party for her children by telling them from the start that Sinterklaas is a man in a suit. “It is certainly not pathetic if you say that Sinterklaas does not exist,” says Kok. “You don’t take anything away from children. There are also people who find Sinterklaas very scary or not fun as a child. You can listen to that too. There are all kinds of intermediate forms, so you cannot make a right or wrong choice.”
Shadi also sees in her children that a fair Sinterklaas party is just as much fun. “They find it exciting every year,” she says. Especially in young children, fact and fantasy are constantly intertwined. Her children can choose who plays Sinterklaas and they always choose the same family member. “Then he leaves and comes back as Sinterklaas. When he comes in, the children immediately get big eyes.”
2023-11-18 06:25:37
#Lying #Sinterklaas #cheerful #conspiracy #pedagogically #irresponsible
