“The Truman Show Effect: Why Pretending to be Perfect is Damaging Our Mental Health”

Do you know The Truman Show yet? In that movie, a city is built for a reality show. All ‘residents’ are actors, except for Truman Burbank (played by Jim Carrey). He has no idea that his hometown of Seahaven is actually in a building in Hollywood. That the sun, the moon, and all other natural phenomena are simulated in the studios. That his world is mapped out from A to Z by his spiritual father. And that the whole world is watching.

What struck me at the time when watching the film was that everyone was so happy. And perfect. I never want to live like this, I thought to myself. It reminded me of the people in the real world who always get on very well. Who are you actually kidding? I decided never to live in a bourgeois terraced house anyway. And don’t pretend I don’t have any problems.

I just don’t like people who want to be perfect all the time. Give me someone with a frayed edge. The occasional one nervous breakdown can burst into tears, and who simply says that things are not going well for a while. Like Bridget Maasland did in the TV show The chest and Stella Bergsma in the podcast This will never work out.

The Dutch are shocked when you say that you are not doing well. They look at you with wide eyes. Or – the other extreme – if you say ‘not really’, they keep calling you to ask how ‘you’re really doing’. As a result, you immediately feel like half a patient. Guys, no big deal, it’s just not going well for a while, can’t I say that? They just don’t handle it very well. It has crept in from their upbringing, this is in the DNA of the Netherlands. I like Calvinism when it comes to modesty, austerity and frugality, for example when sharing successes. Turks can exaggerate in this again, just like Eddie Murphy as an African prince in the film Coming to Americawanting to show their money.

But I am less charmed by the subdued behavior of the Dutch when it comes to showing emotions. Guys, we don’t live in the Middle Ages. You don’t have to put on a play for anyone. Show what you feel. I hope that, partly due to Turkish, Moroccan and Surinamese influences, people will show their emotions more often and dare to say that you are not feeling well. No less than 10 percent of young people between the ages of 16 and 20 in our country suffer from depression, according to Statistics Netherlands. What must it be like for them if they can’t or dare not even at home to let them know that they’re not doing well?

As a country, we are in fifth place World Happiness Report 2023. We are among the happiest peoples in the world. Are we really that happy? Perhaps most people are just pretending – like residents of the fictional town of Seahaven.