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Lisanne (31) lost her daughter Emma last year, after she was born much too early at 22 weeks. The cause of the birth was an infection with the listeria bacteria.
Lisanne: “Being pregnant so quickly after I was diagnosed with PCOS felt like a gift. I had been given hormone-stimulating drugs. I took a pregnancy test two days before my period was due. I couldn’t wait, but it turned out to be right after those medicines: I saw a light line! My husband and I were overjoyed. We had just bought a house and were ready for the arrival of our first child.
Pregnancy by the book
My pregnancy went by the book. Both the 13 and 20 week ultrasounds turned out to be good and at 22 weeks I also had a checkup that showed that our little girl was happily moving back and forth in my uterus. We had moved a week before and the baby room in our new house was now painted pink. Nothing predicted that things would go horribly wrong three days after that last ultrasound.
“She became silent during the internal investigation that followed”
That Thursday I didn’t feel completely fit, was lethargic and had a stomach ache. The next day it was worse. Both a cystitis test and a corona test were negative, but I got worse and worse and my stomach ache got worse; as if a wide band was stretched taut around my stomach. At the end of the afternoon I tearfully called my cousin, who was also my midwife. She wanted me to come by for a check. The ultrasound showed nothing strange; my daughter was swimming around happily and her heart was beating. Still, my niece didn’t seem reassured. She became silent during the internal investigation that followed. That stomach ache turned out to be contractions: I was two centimeters dilated.
dilation
On the ride to the hospital, the contractions got worse. I felt terribly ill. Once in the hospital it turned out that I had a fever and I had to vomit. I begged for contraction inhibitors, but I was not allowed. I couldn’t understand it: the baby had to stay put, right?! On the ultrasound that followed I heard my daughter’s heart beat and saw her move. I hoped that if I just stayed calm and absorbed the contractions as best I could, I could stop the delivery. But at the subsequent internal ultrasound that the gynecologist made, it turned out that I was already five centimeters dilated.
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Crying, I begged the doctors to please stop the delivery, but they told me they assumed there was an infection and there was nothing they could do. I was 22 weeks and three days pregnant: only at 24 weeks do they try to keep a child alive with all the medical help available. And they couldn’t stretch my pregnancy that much time. “If we slow down the delivery now, there is a very high chance that Lisanne will die,” my husband was told. “Lisanne, we can try again after this, but I can’t do that if you are gone”, my husband said in tears. I was going into labor and the doctors around me wouldn’t do anything to keep my baby girl alive.
Poison green amniotic fluid
The contractions were terribly intense. My water broke during my first contraction. My amniotic fluid was bright green: confirmation that I did indeed have an infection. I asked for an epidural, but the delivery went so fast that it was no longer possible. My daughter was born. Small and fragile she was placed on my chest.
What hurt me a lot was that the gynecologist stood there with her arms folded, while my daughter was still alive at that moment and slowly died in my arms. Immediately after her death, I was also asked all kinds of questions, including whether we wanted a photo shoot and whether I had brought clean clothes. I came to the hospital at 22 weeks; should I have thought about coming here to give birth?
“A mouth swab showed that she was infected with the listeria bacteria”
Listeria bacteria
We called her Emma. She remained in hospital for examination. That Sunday we were told that a mouth swab showed that she was infected with the listeria bacteria. Later examination indeed showed that my placenta was completely infected. The GGD called me completely flat with questions about what I ate and drank, but I had been very meticulous about what I ate during pregnancy. The conclusion was that it must have been a cross-contamination. That meant that the listeria bacteria could have been in anything, even a glass of water. Incredibly difficult to process; it felt like my body had failed. And what if it had happened a few weeks later?
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When I got pregnant spontaneously a few months after Emma was born, it was a miracle, but I found being pregnant mentally horrible. Because I didn’t have an increased risk of complications during my pregnancy, I didn’t get extra checks. I was terrified to eat at first, but knew I had to: otherwise my second child would die too. When I was 24 weeks pregnant, the fear eased a little: if something went wrong now, at least they would do everything they could to save my child. But my fear was not gone. Around 7 to 8 months I received trauma therapy and I absolutely wanted to give birth in the hospital, because then – if something went wrong – I would receive immediate help.
Hospital delivery failed
That hospital birth was unsuccessful. On April 15 of this year my son Kyan was born; so fast that there was no time left to go to the hospital. Fortunately, Kyan was born healthy. I will never forget the sound of his first cry. What a relief! He’s a cloud of a guy and he’s doing well, but I don’t know if I would ever want another baby, a question some people are already asking me. I can’t bear to think of feeling as much anxiety and fear again as I felt during this pregnancy.
I’m doing better; the way I talk about Emma now, I couldn’t have done that half a year ago. There was a period when I didn’t want to get out of bed because I was so intensely sad. Losing a child is not easy for anyone, but what I find very difficult is that you live almost 23 weeks with a healthy baby in your belly and then things go wrong. When I tell people that I lost my daughter, people often think that something was wrong. But my daughter was completely healthy and alive, that’s what makes it so raw. I want to create awareness, make sure people realize that you are not warned about the listeria bacteria for nothing. Yes, it is rare, but it can go horribly wrong.
Chance of 1 in 4 million
On the one hand I am relieved that there is a clear cause for Emma’s death, but on the other hand I still have no idea how the listeria bacteria got into my body. The chance of this happening is 1 in 4 million. The doctors at the hospital and all the midwives I spoke to had never experienced this before. I’ve been incredibly unlucky and will have to live with that knowledge forever. And while I’m overjoyed with Kyan, who wouldn’t have been here had Emma survived, losing her still hurts every day. And I don’t think that will ever change…”
2023-08-23 11:59:16
#Lisannes #baby #died #listeria #bacteria
