When her son Elias approached the age of three, Jannecke Weeden (47) was ready to get pregnant again.
She wanted to give her son a brother or sister, and the joy was therefore great when the pregnancy test was positive. Then it was just a matter of keeping the secret until the magical limit – week 12. That’s when the chance of miscarriage is drastically minimized.
However, Weeden did not reach that limit.
– Thought life would be different
– Lonely
– What should have been nothing but joy turned out to be a very sad loss. No one knew I was expecting a child. I ended up having to tell people that I had both been pregnant and that I had lost it. It will be a kind of ambiguous “message” to give people, she tells Dagbladet.
The 47-year-old went through a total of three miscarriages, in weeks nine, eleven and six, before she became pregnant with her son Caspian.
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– After the second time, I started to think that there was something wrong with me. After the third, I thought that Elias was never going to have siblings.
She adds:
– The first miscarriage affected me the most. At that time I had not told anyone that I was pregnant. It was only me and the child’s father who knew about it. It all got pretty lonely.
Weeden mentions the unwritten rule that you should wait until week 12 before sharing the pregnancy news with others. She wonders about this “rule”, and wonders who “decided” that you should delay sharing that you are expecting a child.
– Very sad
– The third time I told people as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It is one of the biggest things that happens in life, then it becomes strange to keep it a secret. It seems counterintuitive not to tell anyone about the situation until it is “final” – if it ends with a baby, or if it goes wrong. It is not unusual to lose. I had no idea how normal it is until I was in it myself.
She adds:
– I remember I needed comfort, at least after the first time. It was traumatizing, and it felt very strange to have to tell people that I had both been pregnant and also lost it.
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Weeden is very curious about where the “rule” of not saying anything until after 12 weeks originated, she thinks it is important that you decide for yourself when you want to share that you are pregnant. She also wants to emphasize that getting pregnant is not all joy and fun.
– Getting pregnant is sometimes very romanticized, even I think it was tiring both mentally and physically. I can be completely open about that now, it was much harder to be when I was expecting the boys. I want there to be more transparency around all aspects of expecting a child. Even when things go wrong. That it is of course a personal choice to share, but that it is not “expected” to wait until week 12.
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Lena Henriksen, political leader of the Norwegian Midwives’ Association, believes there should be no unwritten rule for when you can tell you are pregnant.
– One should not advise women or couples to either one or the other. It should be up to each individual, she says to Dagbladet.
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She says that what women and couples do is very different.
– Many choose to wait. It is about the fact that the chance of miscarriage is greatest before week 12. But then there are also people who choose to tell early, precisely because then those around them know that you are pregnant should something happen.
She adds:
– In any case, it is important to give support and comfort to the woman or couple in the situation.
2023-07-12 16:01:56
#Critical #rule #Lonely
