Public pianos have become a ubiquitous presence in train stations, shopping centres and airports in recent years, but with their popularity comes a downside: the worst kind of amateur musicians who think their painfully slow renditions of tired classics are somehow brightening up our day. As a piano-playing music lover, it pains me to say it, but most punters aren’t exactly Mozart-level prodigies. It’s bad enough to listen to someone banging away on the same few chords for 15 minutes straight, but then the singing starts. Fortunately, there are websites tracking this silent invasion, like pianos.pub, which suggests there are as many as 50 public pianos in Ireland. If I had my way, I’d replace every public piano with a vending machine dispensing earplugs.