For whom and what are you thankful for? It seems like a simple question to think about, but we don’t always get around to it. However, research shows how important gratitude is, not only to feel it, but also to express it.
Christina Caron23 augustus 2023, 03:00
In 2022, her “whole life was turned upside down,” says Stacy Batten.
Her husband died of cancer and her father passed away after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer. And she moved out after she sold the house she’d lived in for 26 years.
In her distress, she found that she felt better when she looked for the good moments of each day. So she took a large glass jar and turned it into a “gratitude jar” that now sits on her bedside table.
Every evening she writes down a few things she is grateful for on a piece of paper and puts them in there. It is often as simple as “I met a new neighbor” or “I took the dog and my mom for a walk”.
“The sadness is still there,” says Batten, 56, “but writing those daily notes has helped.”
Two decades ago, a groundbreaking study led by psychologist Robert Emmons sought to understand how people benefit from gratitude, a question scientists had rarely explored until then.
Gratitude heals
Emmons’ findings — which suggested that gratitude can improve psychological well-being — inspired a wave of additional research. To date, numerous studies have shown that looking grateful, “counting your blessings” and expressing gratitude to others can have positive effects on our emotional health and on interpersonal and romantic relationships.
Reflecting on your blessings is beneficial for body and mind.Image FRANCESCO CICCOLELLA / NYT
In addition, some studies, but not all, have shown that gratitude can benefit physical health. “Gratitude heals, energizes, and changes lives,” says Emmons. “It is the prism through which we view life in terms of gifts, givers, goodness and grace.”
But what exactly is gratitude? It’s a positive emotion that can come from acknowledging that you have goodness in your life and that other people—or higher powers, if you believe in that—have helped you achieve it. In other words, the sources of good things “are at least partly outside the self,” says Emmons.
For example, you can feel gratitude when someone is nice to you. But “feeling it is only half of it,” says Philip Watkins, a psychology professor at Eastern Washington University and author of Gratitude and the Good Life. Expressing gratitude is just as important to reaping the rewards of this emotion, he says.
How will it benefit you?
Many studies have asked participants to write thank-you notes or list the positive things in their lives and then measure the effects of those actions.
The results show that performing these types of activities has benefits for mental health. Thus, they reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, increase self-esteem and satisfaction with everyday life.
Multiple studies have also shown that expressing gratitude to acquaintances, colleagues, friends or romantic partners can give a “relationship boost” and “help us grow closer together”. So says Sara Algoe, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who has studied how gratitude helps relationships.
And gratitude not only improves the well-being of the giver and the receiver, but can also benefit those who witness it: watching an act of gratitude between two people can make a spectator feel more warmth and affinity for both of them .
One moment a day is enough
The studies on gratitude do not indicate how often we should express gratitude or how best to practice it. But many experts believe that a small dose of gratitude once a day is ideal.
“I think the benefits of gratitude activities really manifest themselves through long-term habits,” said Joel Wong, a professor of psychology at Indiana University’s School of Education who studies whether expressing gratitude in a six-week group program helps people with a depression can help.
To develop a lasting habit of gratitude, try pairing your gratitude practice with a routine that’s already ingrained, says Wong. He chooses to think about what he is grateful for in the morning. “I try to do it the first time I turn on the computer at work.”
Finally, while many studies have shown the value of writing a letter of appreciation, it doesn’t have to be long or time consuming. A quick email or text message may suffice.
Be specific
Imagine your partner thanks you for cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Which statement would you rather hear? “Thank you!” Or: “I’m thankful that you took the reins tonight and got all the kitchen chores done. I love how we take turns giving each other a little rest.”
It’s important to be specific “because it deepens our experience of gratitude,” says Wong. “It intensifies our grateful emotions and thoughts.”
Wong has prepared a list of 100 questions that can be helpful for thinking about gratitude in a more specific way, whether you’re thanking someone else or making a list of the things in your life that you’re grateful for. If you’re doing this exercise, Wong suggests doing it with pen and paper.
“Writing slows down our thought process and allows us to think more consciously,” says Wong. “By writing, we keep a permanent record of our blessings: we can return to our journal months or years later to remember what we were thankful for.”
© The New York Times
Read also
2023-08-23 01:00:47
#important #grateful #heals #energizes #lives
