“The Most Exciting New Emoji from iOS 15.4: Sexy Innuendos and K-Pop Heart Gestures”

Lin-Manuel Miranda has a lot to answer.

We finally have our chance to click click the new batch of emoji that dropped with iOS 15.4, and people? They are excited again.

There aren’t many completely new emoji in the set, which includes new smileys and gestures, 25 new skin tone variations and handshake combos, and one truly terrifying creature identified in the emoji list. 14.0 update added.(opens in a new tab) only as a “troll”. But luckily for anyone who likes to spice up their posts with a little well-placed photo, some of these will definitely come in handy (heh) (hehe).

These specific emoji are only available in iOS 15.4, which launched on March 14, so band together, fellow sufferers, to start standardizing a whole new visual vocabulary of obscure sexual innuendos.

Lip bite

Let’s tackle this one right off the bat. This is a very, very exciting emoji. This is perhaps the most exciting emoji ever endorsed by the Unicode Consortium. There is precisely no non-exciting use for it.

However, because he’s so excited, he descends into a realm I like to call the Unhorny Valley. The Unhorny Valley works similarly to its weird namesake(opens in a new tab), in that things end up there when they try so hard to be turned on that they become rather unnerving. Things that live in Unhorny Valley include dialogue in Fifty Shades, most Katy Perry music videos, and Lin-Manuel Miranda selfie memes.(opens in a new tab) that the lip biting emoji will always be inevitably evoke(opens in a new tab). There is never an escape from the Unhorny Valley; there is no mount on this mountain on the other side.

The only potential I see for this emoji is a new version of the “It is what it is” face.(opens in a new tab). The original’s flattened, yassified goldfish opening, meaning “shock, disgust, or confusion,” takes on a whole new meaning if you add the performative excitement of lip biting. If there’s one emotion the internet always needs new ways to express, it’s confused excitement.

melting face

You know that scene in Amelie(opens in a new tab) where it melts into a puddle and splashes onto the ground? Let’s just say that being reduced to a puddle is not just for (opens in a new tab)increasingly hot days, full-body mortification and towering techno bangers.

Slide

Did you know that in Australia a slide is also known as a “slippery dip”? But hey, you don’t have to be Australian to see the sexy potential of something designed to offer just the right amount of friction to be fun.

All speakers

While this inclusive new addition reflects the fact that not everyone who gives birth (or eats huge meals) is female.(opens in a new tab)it also allows you to ditch the Kylie Jenner meme and convey the instant life-changing impact of a particularly stellar nude or Harry Styles fashion shoot, regardless of your gender identity.

Lotus

I can’t be clear enough that referring to someone’s vulva as their “flower” is about as sexy as using the word “vulva” in a non-health context.

However, as Troye Sivan once demonstrated(opens in a new tab) in one of the prettiest songs ever written on the bottom(opens in a new tab), a slightly more subtle evocation of fulfillment and wholeness in regards to various parts of the body can be sexy if you do it right. The lotus, with its upturned petals, might be just the right level of suggestive explicit. And because no two vulvas are alike, it’s good to have more alternatives to the oyster, the shell(opens in a new tab)and a certain large semi-aquatic rodent while waiting for the company to finally decide which emoji should be the go-to shortcut.

Palm up and down

There’s a sultry quality to the gently curled and spread fingers here – the palm-up version is perfectly ready to pick something up, while the palm-down looks ready to gently brush a stretch of bare skin.

Beans

Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart – find just one(opens in a new tab)and that’s a good start.

finger hearts

I’m hesitant to even include it here, as this emoji is a pure demonstration of the power of Kpop stans – the crossed tips of the index finger and thumb create a heart shape, a gesture popularized by Kpop idols and actors alike. South Koreans – and I don’t want them to think I’m corrupting their (mostly) wholesome fandom. But it’s also a warmer, more intimate pinching gesture than the previous options. All we need now is a nipple emoji to go along with it – officially sanctioned or not.

Saluting face

Sir Yes Sir.