Is February 14 coming and your celebration is limited to a routine and formal exchange of gifts? That day, which was once highly anticipated and special, you now only celebrate with a dinner out without much enthusiasm or conviction?
A relationship goes through ups and downs, goes through different stages and can sometimes be undermined for various reasons, from routine, jealousy, sexual problems or poor communication to the recurrence of conflicts and the lack of tools to resolve them. For that reason, one or both partners may feel that love is on the decline.
Sometimes, the appearance of a third person, who “flies over” the relationship, attracting and influencing one of its members and distancing him from his partner, can make the love relationship founder, even without causing infidelity, if that situation is not resolved. managed and resolved satisfactorily.
However, there are cases in which the intervention of “a third party” can be the solution to a relationship with problems, if that third person, instead of being a possible love rival, is a qualified and specialized psychologist to whom the couple goes regularly. common agreement to start psychotherapy.
“A psychological intervention that seeks to help the couple can mark a before and after for coexistence and help them maintain control in a stage of change,” says psychologist Pilar Conde, technical director of Clínicas Origen (https://clinicasorigen .is).
Explain that moments of change, such as a move, a job change, the birth of a baby, raising children or parental illnesses, are very important for the future of relationships and may require the intervention of “ a third party to help them weave together their individual values and their conception of life together.”
“In these moments of difficulty, the couples therapist provides impartial support, helping to raise awareness that certain established practices need to be modified for the well-being of the couple,” says Conde.
Conde highlights, in this sense, that for the former first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, this type of psychological intervention “was a before and after” for her coexistence with her husband, Barack, and helped them both maintain the control of the couple in a dizzying period of change, which coincided with the presidential victory and their arrival at the White House.
Asked by EFE about whether this type of psychotherapy can help reactivate a fallen or dormant love, Conde responds affirmatively, highlighting that “precisely one of the objectives of this therapy is to reconnect the couple.”
“This reconnection leads to the emergence of feelings that were present in stages in which the relationship was going well, or to both of them building a new way of feeling, which is significant enough for both of them to continue their life as a couple,” he explains.
The therapist’s participation only takes place during the sessions, and then “the members of the couple must put into practice what they have learned in these sessions in their daily lives, so it is essential that both parties commit to the therapy.” , as Conde clarifies.
For the therapy to offer good results, it is important that the couple come with “an attitude of tandem, change, flexibility and openness, without rivalry or looking for who wins or who loses, but understanding that they are working for the well-being of both members.” ”, emphasizes this psychologist.
In addition to problems due to life changes, couples often go to a therapist to solve situations of discomfort related to routines, lack of communication, trust or dedication to the other, as well as difficulty in resolving problems. conflicts, according to this psychologist.
To solve these problems, the sessions work on aspects such as skills and techniques to communicate, express oneself appropriately without aggression, plan pleasant joint activities, redistribute responsibilities within the couple, and put the focus back on the positive aspects. of the other and reinforce them, as he explains.
Useful psychotherapeutic tools are also worked on to improve conflict resolution, coexistence, the distribution of roles, the expression and reception of affection, the management of criticism, emotional bonding and leisure management, Conde points out.
He explains that in each session, a brief review of the agreements established in the previous therapeutic meeting begins, and then work continues with the tools aimed at achieving the final objectives established by the couple themselves.
Take care of the relationship and act on time.
Pilar Conde lists below some recommendations to revitalize our relationship and prevent the mutual sentimental commitment from deteriorating, which are usually presented in couples therapy and that we can apply in our daily lives.
1.- Dedicate time, not only on weekends but also during the week, to do pleasant activities as a couple.
2.- Also reserve a weekly time to dedicate to activities individually and with your social environment.
3.- Verbally express to your partner positive evaluations about their physique, actions, qualities and other personal aspects.
4.- Listen actively, showing genuine interest and paying attention, when your partner is telling you something.
5.- In a conflictive situation, listen to the other person before becoming defensive and jumping to conclusions.
6.- In a discussion or disagreement it is necessary that both parties be able to express their point of view and reach an agreement.
And how can a couple know that the time has come to go to joint psychological therapy?
For Conde, that moment comes “when they feel that they cannot get out of the conflict situation, when they feel that they are further apart every day, when thoughts of wanting to leave the relationship begin to appear, when they begin to see more negative than positive aspects of the couple, when they are critical of the other party, when there are violations of respect.”
He points out that some couples come to the consultation in a “let’s go to therapy or get divorced” situation, but before they get there, there are many signs that indicate that they need to strengthen themselves.
“The sooner they solve the problem, the less deteriorated the relationship will be and the less emotionally exhausted and unmotivated both parties will be, so the therapeutic tools will be more effective,” Conde concludes.
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