Analysis of the covers of today’s sports newspapers
Good morning dear friends.
We endured another week, we survived without knowing very well how another day and we continue in the fight, or in the ointment, as that great topic that we never understood very well says. In the “ointment”? Vaseline, Hemoal, does the shots go there? Because for ointment the one that will be smearing some to whom the claw in extremis Karim’s left itching.
Real Madrid defeated Elche yesterday in the last gasp by two goals to one (you can read here the chronicle of Ramón Álvarez de Mon) and caused the despair of their rivals: Atlético, Barcelona and whoever manages this League in the that extraordinary events happen every week and to which you can put the qualifiers that seem best to you. This portanalyst on duty reserves his as a tribute to the prudence of our editor until a few days ago, Pepe Kollins.
I imagine what may be happening in that fictitious venue where this absurd competition is handled (and I am not referring to LaLiga, or not only to it):
– Boss, they have run out of ten players due to injuries, we let rivals grab, waste time or kick without getting yellow cards, we have not been awarded a penalty for twenty-one weeks, we get rid of them after looking at the monitor, or sometimes not We consulted him, but they are still there, even playing badly, even playing with Castilla, these Madrid players refuse to get off the hook!
It is Madrid, gentlemen, it will be necessary to increase our efforts even more to leave us out of the competition. Ramos, Valverde, Rodrygo and Hazard have returned and we have a wide margin for improvement.
“Benzema wants LaLiga,” reads the headline, as if only he wanted it and not the rest of his teammates. It is true that some of them have very weak matches (as seen in Ramón’s notes), but we understand that loving her, everyone loves her. The Frenchman scored two goals in the last twenty minutes of the game and thus managed to turn a scoreboard that had been turned against. The second was a goal of enormous beauty and difficulty, but we would like to highlight what the covers do not highlight, such as the fact that a judo key was not sanctioned as penalty. Let’s see, we look around a corner, nothing, it says nothing, the headlines … either, to see if in any of the lower flaps we find a photo of the jiu-jitsu grip … either. I don’t know, maybe it was our imagination, maybe there was no such hold, given the speed with which Figueroa Vázquez signaled a foul in attack! Extraordinary, they are extraordinary. Everyone.
How clear would the grab that saw it be to one of our most famous Calvos International Analysts:
The same Maldini who defined the squad combo in the forearm-knee in the face as a “border play” (that one from Suárez to Pichu Cuéllar, which meant two points) wrote yesterday that this throw was not border, but had crossed the limits of the decency, of which you can never stop whistling, not even if it is Real Madrid.
Extraordinary things happen in this League and we cannot fail to mention them.
“LaLiga catches fire,” says the newspaper As, and for once the headline seems right to us, since it does not say “Madrid burns LaLiga”, but rather the competition does it by itself. It burns like a bonfire, commits suicide, dies and kills itself, letting anomalies occur like those that have been happening for decades. In a league in which the fainting spells of Suárez and Diego Costa have been designated as penalties, or a stomp by Suárez himself on a rival defender, it is still abnormal, extraordinarily abnormal that Real Madrid are awarded one penalty after another, day after a day, which one is clearer. And all from the famous Ronald Koeman crack at the Camp Nou and the subsequent harassment of the referee Martínez Munuera’s family.
Of course, the newspaper As does not mention anything about the play, or the no less extraordinary fact that it was to turn a pass from Mendy into offside that ended in a penalty from Ramos to Carrillo just two minutes later. The mental gazpacho that the collegiate had was one of those that make time, as Emilio “Athos” Dumas and Jesús Bengoechea explained yesterday in a new video from the YouTube channel of La Galerna.
Malakito tied hours after the Real Madrid game, but in case anyone had doubts about the purity of this competition, let him see what happened in that second ode to cheap football that was Getafe-Atlético de Madrid (sorry to say that the first was our very poor show). The penalty that Dembélé does on Maksimovic is so clear that we still do not understand what could have happened so that it was neither whistled nor reviewed. Go on, go on show must go on! It is a good time to rescue this monstrosity born on the downwind and these things that happen:
We still find no trace on the covers of both plays, perhaps because they only existed in our imagination. Great victory for Garbiñe Muguruza, good feelings for Fernando Alonso, let’s see around here … Laporta can’t find someone to back him up … nothing, he doesn’t say anything either. We will then go to the press cataculé.
Yesterday Atleti added a point, and yet LaLiga is closer to the Catalans. The photo shows us Suárez with a rueful gesture, as if to say “I have collapsed as always and you have not pointed out anything.” We draw attention to the news about Laporta’s first crisis as president even before he was president, due to a small mess in the form of a guarantee of several million euros that does not arrive. Giró falls from Laporta’s team, perhaps he turned his course as soon as he took a look at the accounts.
There is no guarantee, there are only cobwebs in the box, but Barça, they tell us, gets into the “battle for Haaland”. It is not for nothing, but the photo montage shows us the Norwegian making fun and looking at the shield to which it is addressed, which is… that of Barcelona itself. A montage in which Haaland jumps over the letters “TA”, we do not know if it was a culé offer or a possible “TAspaso”. “I pass your offer right there,” he seems to say with his jump. And since the thing is about asses, look at the photo chosen on the upper skirt for the Atleti puncture. It is the last phase of the refined “suarezil” movement, consisting of four perfectly choreographed actions: shot from the back-outstretched arms-sudden laziness of legs-kibble kibble.
And some still itch. It’s extraordinary. Like this League. Have a nice day.
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