Marieke already experiences sexual limitations during the treatment. This is partly because remnants of chemotherapy may still be present in the body for some time, meaning she has to be extra careful with intimacy. “A nurse reassured me that I could not pass on the cell-killing substances to my children through saliva. At the same time, I wondered whether this also applied to vaginal fluid.”
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She discovers that she has to protect her husband during sex and that a condom is therefore necessary. This also ensures that she does not pick up viruses or bacteria and become ill. And that is extra important, because her immunity has deteriorated enormously due to the chemo. It is also advisable to use a dental dam during oral sex.
Dry vagina
In addition, Marieke ends up in menopause due to chemotherapy. “That was so intense. During chemo I didn’t even notice it that much, because I was so sick. But after chemo it really stood out. I wanted to resume my life, but then it turned out that it was not so easy sexually. Mentally I had a hard time, but I also suffered from a dry vagina and several vaginal infections. Then you don’t feel the need to have sex.
That year we had little sex,” says Marieke. But due to her young age, she has also emerged from menopause. “Now I can become moist again and I no longer experience pain during sex.”
Influence on your self-image
Sexologist Marlies Meersman is familiar with the questions women have about their sexuality, while at the same time battling their illness. “The first shock starts with the diagnosis, which reduces your desire to have sex. All treatments try to help you, but also affect your sexual life.”
“The operations have a major impact on your self-image, and your self-confidence also disappears,” Marlies continues. “Without self-confidence you don’t feel like having sex and it is more difficult to show your body. With chemo it is menopause. But with radiation treatment for cancer in your pelvis (including anal or cervical cancer), there is a risk of vaginal scars and adhesions, which make sex painful or more difficult for women. Each treatment has different side effects.”
To ask
“Many patients do not have the courage or energy to figure that out,” says Marlies. Marieke also found it quite a quest. “I had a lot of questions. Is it going to stay like this forever? What can I do about it? I noticed that it was not so obvious to talk about it with care providers.”
“It also depends a lot on the type of cancer, while that shouldn’t be the case. Everyone should be informed about the effects of treatment on your sexuality. A menopause consultant, whom I consulted myself, kept insisting that I should not continue to have problems or pain during intercourse. They, together with my doctor, took me seriously, but that still happens a little too little.”
Book
Marieke and Marlies therefore decide to write a book in which Marieke shares her own experiences in the field of sexuality, but fellow sufferers also have their say. They also explain what the consequences of cancer treatment can be and provide tips and exercises to deal with sex in a positive way, both mentally and physically.
Marieke: “We want our readers to know that you do not have to walk around with these types of problems and that you can go to the doctor. We want to inform them and show them that sex can still be enjoyable. That it is okay to go through a grieving process, because everything is really different, but it is still possible.”
Quality versus quantity
Marlies: “Nowadays, cancer is no longer necessarily a disease that will definitely kill you. But there is more than just staying alive; it’s also about quality. There is currently too little attention paid to this in the field of sexuality.”
Marieke no longer has the same frequency of sex as before the cancer. “I can’t do that anymore. Life is completely different now. Your body has been attacked, and you will suffer from it for the rest of your life. For me it is mainly tiredness and my libido has decreased. But although the sex happens less often, I have no complaints about the quality.”
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2024-01-20 13:03:21
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