Since the news of Matthew Perry’s death, fans worldwide have been gathering to celebrate Friendsstar to honor. Why is there a need for this? And what can you do to process that feeling of loss? NU.nl asked experts.
It is not surprising that you are really sad about Perry’s death, says Daan Westerink, educationalist and grief expert at Utrecht University of Applied Sciences. Because you always feel like someone whose films or series you watch or listen to is always there. “We like to identify with others. Especially with people of about the same age who are experiencing the same things.”
She sees that the series Friends plays a special role in the mourning for actor Perry. “It was about close friendships and important life questions for people in their twenties and thirties. As a viewer you can recognize yourself in the different characters.”
People who were not even born when the series came out in 1994 also share their sadness. “Nowadays you can binge everything,” says Westerink. “As a result, you can watch the series anytime, anywhere. This allows the characters to feel like your own digital friends.”
A famous person can be an important part of someone’s life, grief coach Benthe van Bree knows. “Thanks to social media, the feeling of knowing someone has become even stronger. You can have a glimpse into someone’s life almost any time of the day. This person is constantly present on your phone, television or music system. This can be very intense and personal. feel.”
It can feel like a personal loss
Moreover, it was Friends Shown on television for years, it is still regularly repeated and is still one of the most streamed series ever. “It allows you to grow up with these characters and feel like you know them,” says Van Bree. As a result, grieving for a famous person can also feel like a personal loss, she thinks.
In the case of Perry, it may well be that he symbolizes a specific period in your life, Van Bree thinks. “His death could mark the end of that era. Because of this, the death of a celebrity can feel like the loss of a loved one in your own environment.”
Photo: AFP
The bond with such a person can be intense
Yet it is not the same, says Westerink. “Such a person plays a completely different role in your life. When you lose a loved one, someone actually disappears.” She does point out that you should not underestimate grieving for a celebrity.
Van Bree explains that you are in a so-called parasocial relationship when you mourn a movie star or musician. “Unlike reciprocal relationships, there are no shared memories or interactions. Yet the bond with this person can be intense. Sharing these emotions with other fans can provide a sense of community.”
Perry was known to lead an intense life. In doing so, he could have been an example for others who have experienced or are still experiencing the same thing, Westerink thinks. “That is why we should not underestimate the effect of his death. It can be an incentive for people who saw him as an example.”
Take those feelings seriously
Van Bree also says that it is important to take those feelings seriously. “Seek support from like-minded people, talk about it and allow yourself to be sad.” Remember that grief is an individual process, with no set timeframe. The grief coach also advises that it can help to express your feelings by writing them down. “Or share them with others. That can help you in the grieving process.”
Westerink recommends getting out of your bubble every now and then. “We can sometimes lose ourselves in another world. But it is not good if you identify too much with big stars. You see that happening now with Taylor Swift and around Britney Spears. These people can offer support, but be aware that they are not superheroes.”
2023-11-01 04:22:52
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