The narrative of the holiday requires joy, honoring the event in the context of one’s life, and here one cannot avoid assessing or analyzing the quality of one’s life, said psychotherapy specialist Aiga Abožina. She emphasized that any celebration that a person fails to hear indicates a lack that is being experienced. It can be an emotional, material lack, but it is especially true for the lack of relationships, because it is accepted in civil culture to celebrate the holidays by being together.
“As you wait, prepare or celebrate a holiday, you can feel the price of each of your life choices, which is not easy, because we can face conclusions about mistakes made in life. For example, a parent who avoided participating in education and care of her children, in her old age she is sad not to have a child and the interest of her grandchildren,” she said.
Raivo Vilcāns, the director of the “Skalbes” association, confirms the above, stating that the Christmas period is for many associated with a reflection, which does not always lead to “satisfaction” with the past year.
Although the number of calls to the crisis line does not increase during the holidays, more specific calls are received during this time than on a daily basis.
“More often they call people who are lonely and have no one to spend their holidays with. They also call people who have experienced the death of a loved one, as a result of which they experience a lot of negative emotions from the fact that, for example, this holiday will be the first without that person. As a result, the counselor provides psychological support during the conversation and is by the person’s side even during the holidays, “he said.
He noted that older people are more likely to call, but no gender differences were observed. From time to time calls also come from people who, taking into account the rising prices of energy resources, the current financial situation does not give peace, preventing them from spending their holidays in a festive atmosphere, because “some problems are constantly stirring in their heads”.
Emotionally vulnerable people
As Abožina confirmed, it is more emotionally difficult for the elderly during the holidays, because a person loses friends in old age and is often no longer interesting for loved ones. The activity of life and the ability to adapt to various challenges also decreases.
Additionally, people experiencing any kind of loss can feel especially vulnerable while on vacation. For example, they may be people who have been ill for a long time and therefore may be physically isolated, a foreign student who could not return home to his family for vacation, or a resident of war-torn Ukraine whose life was ruined , was kicked out of the house or no longer exist, the specialist stressed.
On the other hand, psychiatrist and narcologist Jūlija Līce added that the holiday season can also “go off the rails” because it changes a person’s daily life. Sometimes people are not ready for this, because “for someone, a day job is a lifeline that forces them to get up and go somewhere, but useless vacations disrupt the daily routine, worsening the emotional state”, she admitted.
He stressed that during this period it is more difficult for those who have a serious psycho-emotional condition, such as depression, anxiety, when they are unable to experience joy and happiness. For example, if a person is seriously ill, with no chance of recovery, it makes you rethink your life, especially aggravated during the holidays. In addition, there is also a risk of suicide in these cases.
Liče noted, however, that as the holiday season approaches, the number of such people usually decreases, because many people want to spend Christmas at home, albeit alone, but at home. On a day-to-day basis, Lice works at the Strenči psychoneurological hospital and has observed the other extreme: often people enter the hospital in time to stay through the holidays, Christmas and New Year’s.
During the holidays, every ward and area in the hospital is decorated. At Christmas, the hospital cafeteria tries to provide a more special meal. “There is usually a solemn sacred moment for patients with our chaplain, which patients love to attend. There is also a holiday concert,” she said.
The critical limit of solitude
Abožina emphasized that every individual can have the experience of loneliness. It can be normal and human in the relevant context, and one should not immediately look for pathology in a person. According to her, it depends on how long this experience of loneliness has existed, what external and internal factors influenced it and how much it limited a person’s social adaptation.
Invite people to reflect on the context of their loneliness, understanding what causes it and if there is anything that can be influenced by the situation.
“Do I feel lonely or do I feel lonely? It may turn out to be one or the other, or both. It may turn out that something can be done about this situational loneliness or it may not be. For example, I’m only on vacation because I live in another country, all my relatives are in my homeland. But what about my friends? Have I made new friends in the new place? What prevented me from doing that? Or am I in a relationship, in a family where I feel lonely, Are there arguments and misunderstandings? What can I do here?” Abožina cited examples of questions a person should ask himself.
Accordingly, if on reflection it is concluded that the people around are really not available “for a moment”, then a person will have to think about how to please himself. It can be a creative activity, a reading material, an app that entertains, but it can also be a choice to ignore this year’s holidays in hopes of the next, said the psychotherapy specialist.
If instead, after reflecting, there seems to be company, but despite this the experience of loneliness hasn’t disappeared, he invited you to go to a specialist. Lice also urged to seek help but it should be done preemptively. There are also many group therapies where you can find new friends or acquaintances, and in a crisis situation, for example, call the 24-hour crisis telephone provided by the “Skalbes” association.
Additional emotional load
The loss of a loved one can also create an added emotional burden during the holidays. In such cases, lice recommend changing the perception of events. This can be done, for example, by looking at old photos, thereby recalling pleasant memories associated with this person and shifting attention from the negative to the positive, as sadness can have many shades.
At the same time, regardless of the severity of the mourning process, the psychiatrist and narcologist recommends going to a psychologist or psychotherapist to mourn “correctly”, that is, so that the mourning does not last long.
“Greeting passes with time, but you can’t ‘skip’ it,” Abozhina explained.
That is, if a person has been important, then it is normal that it will take time to adjust to a life in which they are no longer there. In this case one can only do small things and hope for some relief in the sadness and mourning. For example, you can grieve and remember this person, go to the Christmas service, talk about your loss with trusted people.
At the same time, the specialists emphasized that there are no universal recommendations for other human beings on how to help a person who, for example, is grieving, feeling sad, psychologically lonely or socially excluded. It is an individual process where one person has to feel emotions and others can just be there.
In such cases, Abožina invites you to listen, invites you to meet and talk with that person, as well as accept the sad mood of the interlocutor, even if it sounds exaggerated or too depressed. “Each of us is capable of dramatizing when we experience negative emotions,” she pointed out.
What you should definitely not do is look for solutions for the person and give advice. Instead, Abožina invites you to ask the person how you can help them. On the other hand, if it is difficult to do so, she helps her loved one find a specialist who she will subsequently know how to help.
On the other hand, Lice recommends promoting positive thinking, because in sadness a person focuses on the negative, as well as simply being present without asking for anything in return.
Celebrate alone
Although it may seem that – if there is no loving family, ideal friends, suitable conditions, then there is no point in organizing a holiday and it is better to be alone, nevertheless, you can celebrate it alone, and this should not be condemned. For example, it’s an opportunity to help others by walking dogs at animal shelters, applying to volunteer to help clean and feed them. In addition, there are help centers that usually publish a list of gifts they wish before Christmas, and everyone can get involved by preparing a gift and thus reducing the feeling of loneliness, Lice believes.
“During the holidays, there are many different events you can attend. You can also look for interest groups to spend time together, go on trips. Nowadays, this collides with the money issue, because not everyone can afford en. During holidays, there are also solemn church services that can be visited,” he said.
At the same time, he does not deny that someone may need solitude in order to review life events, analyze and evaluate them. Consequently, a person should decide for himself what his attitude towards the holiday is, because only by being honest with himself can you feel good.
Abožina also stressed that each individual – whether they like it or not – must take responsibility for their life choices and how they organize their lives. She acknowledged that people can be tempted to think that the government, neighbors, the economy, or some other external force makes life miserable. While these factors may indeed be important, a person colors their life and relationships with their attitude.
“You don’t have to wait for the right conditions, you have to create them yourself, and obviously you have to prepare for the holidays, you have to plan them in time, identifying your needs and trying to make them come true. If I find myself regretting not having a family the day before Christmas, I don’t know if it will appear tomorrow,” said the psychotherapist.
