More and more people in their early twenties and early thirties are opting for a vasectomy, even if they do not yet have children. De Morgen spoke to three young men about why they made or wanted to make that choice so early. “My friends think I’m crazy.”
Jorn Lelong16 January 2024, 19:18
Kurt. Image Thomas Sweertvaegher
Kurt (32) underwent a vasectomy two years ago: ‘I prefer to see myself as a nice uncle’
“When I made an appointment for my vasectomy, the specialist asked for a long time,” says Kurt (32)*. He had his vas deferens cut when he was thirty. “He asked me if I wouldn’t change my mind later, and told me to assume it was irreversible. I think it’s good that he did that. But for me it was an easy choice.”
The number of men undergoing sterilization is increasing year after year. Urologists are also seeing more and more young men coming for consultations. Figures from the Riziv, which Het Nieuwsblad reported, show that in 2022, more than a hundred out of every 100,000 men will undergo a vasectomy. That is an increase of 47 percent compared to ten years earlier. For some of them this is not because their desire to have children has already been fulfilled. But there is also a growing group of men without children who choose it, like Kurt.
“It was no surprise to the people around me,” says Kurt. “They have known for some time that me and my girlfriend do not want biological children. I love it when my little nieces and nephews come to visit us, but I don’t feel the need to have such young children in my life. Then I prefer to see myself as a nice uncle (laughs).”
However, he and his girlfriend have started a process to adopt a foster child. “For me that is really something different. It is wrong to go into this with the expectation that you will really become the father of that child. We consider that because we want to commit ourselves to someone, because we want to help a child who needs it. We are therefore especially considering adopting a teenager.”
What made the choice easier was that he and his girlfriend have been thinking the same way for years. But what if that relationship ever ended and he ended up in a new relationship? “That wouldn’t change the reason why I don’t want children. I even find it useful that this can no longer become a point of discussion due to the intervention.”
Dieter Verbanck. Image Thomas Sweertvaegher
Dieter Verbanck (32) had himself sterilized in September: ‘I received a lot of compliments from friends’
“I actually wanted to do it under complete anesthesia, but the doctor advised against that because of the side effects and because you would have to stay in the hospital for a day,” says Dieter Verbanck (32), who had himself sterilized in September. “During the operation I tried to think about something else. But that wasn’t counting my girlfriend, who told me what happened there (laughs).”
He made the decision to have a vasectomy soon after the birth of his second son. “We hesitated for a long time between one or two children. In the end we went for a second one, but we were both sure that it would remain that way.”
The choice for a vasectomy was one for practical reasons, but especially for the health of his girlfriend. “She already had problems with an IUD that did not stay in place. When she switched to the pill, she was very tired, had a lower libido and other physical side effects. If you can remove all that with one quick intervention, then it seemed like a no-brainer to me.”
Verbanck is the typical example of the man whose desire to have children has been fulfilled, although at 32 years old he is relatively young. But he is far from alone. In 2022, 786 30 to 34-year-olds had their hair cut, almost double the number ten years ago. In his own environment, Verbanck is a forerunner. “When men start talking about it, they mainly ask questions about the practical side (laughs). I received many compliments from friends.”
In the first months after the procedure, the semen may still contain sperm cells that were already hanging around downstream before the vasectomy. Today Verbanck will hear from his urologist whether he is indeed shooting blanks. “I think the fact that I’m still young is an advantage. Then we will have a long life without the discomfort of other contraceptives.”
Peter Tomme. Image Thomas Sweertvaegher
Peter Tomme (25) wants a vasectomy this year: ‘I don’t have the mental space to commit myself to a child’
“My friends think I’m crazy for wanting to do that now. My doctor also gave me the message that I am too young for that,” says 25-year-old Peter Tomme. Yet the choice has been made for him: he will soon schedule an appointment for a vasectomy.
Already at the age of eighteen he was sure that he would never want children. The fact that he himself has autism and ADHD plays a major role in that choice. “I see many people who have little awareness of their own behavior or of other people. I’m on the other end of the spectrum (laughs). I am hyper-aware of everything, constantly thinking about everything. That does not always benefit my own mental health.”
The idea of having to care for a child on top of that is not a prospect he longs for. “It sounds selfish, but I feel like I’m busy enough trying to maintain my own life. I’ve had some difficult times, but I’m now at a point where I’m happy. I just don’t have the mental space to dedicate myself to a child. And then you shouldn’t do that.”
The fact that his autism is hereditary is an equally important argument for him. “I don’t want my child to have to go through life like this. It is completely my own choice, but it helps that my mother also said that she did not want to become a grandmother.”
He is not afraid of the operation. “Let’s just say that I have already achieved something in my life. I still enjoy being numbed for a while (laughs).” The fact that his psychologist did give his approval only strengthens his conviction. “The fact that you have to view the procedure as definitive is an advantage for me. I think it can give me some peace that that is gone.”
* Kurt wanted to testify anonymously for privacy reasons.
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2024-01-16 18:18:38
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