The situation
As soon as the forty stares at you in the mirror, it can suddenly pop up. The midlife crisis. One in four will have to deal with it, somewhere between the thirtieth and sixtieth spring. It’s all this, ooohoohoo feeling. One buys a motorcycle, the other takes an outdoor woman. But how do you get through that period with as little damage as possible?
The gamerules
1. No denying it
Everyone goes through a midlife phase, but not everyone ends up in a crisis. The moment you stop pushing through your life full of work, children, household and family needs, life questions suddenly start flying around your ears. Who am I? What is really important now? What makes me really happy? And what actually became of my goals and my dreams? Quite confronting, when you also realize that you are already ‘halfway’. And since such a crisis can last for about ten years, you better surrender to it. “Denying makes no sense at all,” says ‘Midlife Happiness Expert’ Aafke Dijkstra. “It only makes your doubts and dissatisfaction stronger.”
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2. Embrace the U-shape
British researchers explained in 2008 that the midlife crisis does exist, we read at How could it be otherwise? Broadcaster Max. They proved that satisfaction with your own life takes a U-shape. Satisfaction is high at a young adult age, around 46 years old that feeling is in a trough and at an older age satisfaction rises again. This pattern has been shown in both men and women and was found to be the same during the study in 72 countries.
Dijkstra: “It helps enormously if you and your partner know that you already have midlifend goes through five different phases. First you deny, see rule 1. Then you get angry and frustrated and then you start to indulge yourself. Then comes that tattoo, that parachute jump, or that book you’ve always wanted to write. Do! Live it up! Rather than suddenly breaking up your marriage or quitting your job in an angry mood. Then comes the depression phase, which is good because then comes the self-reflection. And eventually you automatically fall into the acceptance phase. “
3. Deeds not words
“You can mope for a while, of course, but you can also take action”, says Aafke Dijkstra. “If you feel that you are trapped in your job, arrange it differently. Start that B&B or apply for a job at a completely different company. Look at your beliefs and your obligations through a different lens. Do you really recover from a round of running? in the morning, arrange it. It’s never too late in life. Put yourself on the agenda and you will automatically see a new perspective. “
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4. Potty talk
Both men and women have their turn. Only in men the change is more gradual and women are more often suddenly attacked by the menopause. Still, it is a bit easier for women, Dijkstra thinks. “We talk about it with our friends and can share all the inconveniences. Men don’t. They worry on their own and don’t want to be a wimp. That taboo is a shame, because that’s how men make the whole midlife a lot harder on themselves. And for their environment. So talk about it, even if only with your partner. ” Roger that.
5. Stop mocking
Yes, and then just for all partners, children and keen sisters-in-law: if you see someone suddenly combing their hair, going surfing again after years or deciding to make art: encourage and do not burn off. No one gets anywhere with a chuckle. And why should you? Let him do what makes him happy. You should do that too.
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