Are you still in touch with your ex after a breakup? The psychologist said that after the breakup, he would still be moved, so it was because of this incident…
Text｜Li Weiting
Has there ever been a situation where you and your ex-partner have already broken up, but the current atmosphere today seems to be back to the time when the relationship was good before, and the two interacted tacitly, making you suddenly feel uncomfortable? Clearly “what night is this evening?”, and then an inner sigh rose.
Because although the current atmosphere is very good, I know in my heart that I and the other party “have broken up.” This situation is called the “entanglement” state in love research.
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entanglement in a relationship
The so-called “entanglement” here needs to be made clearer. It refers to the situation in which the overall situation of the relationship between the two is inconsistent or inconsistent with the current state between the two, resulting in the state that the story between the two cannot be fully concluded.
When we fall in love, we often ask ourselves from time to time, what is the current state with the other party? what relationship? Is it “above AUO, but not enough lovers” or “pure bosom friends”?
Will want to use language to define or locate the relationship between oneself and the other party. We say that this psychological phenomenon is the psychological intention of using language to demarcate the relationship status. Set aside appropriate places between people to avoid inappropriate behavior in dealing with each other.
For example, when the overall situation of the relationship is a breakup state, the two people on the scene will restrain each other in their treatment of each other and will not take too much care of each other, and it is not suitable for a sudden kiss.
Image｜Photo by Aditya Saxena on Pexels
Therefore, when we are in a relationship, we often think about our current relationship status with the other party. Verbal responses in love, such as whether to accept the other party’s response as a boyfriend or girlfriend, can also be regarded as the positional language determination of the overall relationship between the two.
So when we are in a relationship, there will be a head that wants to confirm the relationship status between the two? Then it guides the action range of the scene where the two of us treat each other; but in the love action scene, it also opens up the mutual shift of the overall situation of the relationship, thus changing the narrative version of the overall relationship between the two.
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For example, the two have often been ambiguous for a long time, but when we crossed the road, the other party took my hand. I smiled and said: “I don’t want to let you go again!”, and the warmth in my heart instantly warmed up, and I felt that our relationship had reached a higher level. From the ambiguity and confusion, it suddenly became clear. Say to yourself: “It’s him, we want to be together!”. This physical feeling can instantly rewrite the overall situation of the relationship between the two.
Therefore, we have two concepts that pull each other, one is the overall narrative of the relationship between two people, which is used by individuals to mark the relationship status between themselves and others; the other is the feeling of love between the two people. There is a interconnected relationship between the two, a bit like the difference between a forest and a tree.
The forest (whole) is made up of trees (parts); and when looking at the whole forest, the whole forest contains every single tree. If the relationship between the two is consistent, individuals will not feel the feeling of conflict and entanglement; for example, the overall situation of your relationship with me is “consistent” and “together”, and it is also true in the on-site treatment we get along with. Harmonious together, so the feeling of love is consistent and in tune.
Picture｜Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels
But if our overall relationship is “compatible”, but we often quarrel with each other and are not harmonious during the on-site treatment, the feeling of love I feel is prone to conflicts and entanglements; or if the overall situation of our relationship is “breakup” “, but in the scene of getting along with each other, it is “consistent”, and it is also easy to feel conflicts and entanglements.
So we know that when we ask a person, “Do you love him?”, we are actually confirming what he thinks is the “big picture of the relationship.” In fact, these live clips may make you feel sour, sweet, bitter, and spicy, but in the end he will synthesize these experiences, and then calibrate his state towards her, saying quietly: “I think I still love him.”
Therefore, in terms of emotional satisfaction, if the “relationship overall situation” is consistent with the “on-the-spot feeling of being in love”, the feeling of love will not be contradictory.
As smart as you are, you can also examine whether you and your partner are in a state of entanglement with each other on the road of love?
