They are called helicopter parents. Parents who protect their children too much and are always trying to make their lives perfect. A new study now shows that this is not good for anyone, that it causes mental problems for parents and children.
We all know the differences with the past. Then as a child you were left more to your own devices. You played with other children or by yourself and you were a member of one sports club. If you got decent grades at school and had a few friends, you were soon okay. How different is that now? All around you hear from parents that they teach their child Chinese or at least English and they also learn to read before they go to group 3. It seems that parents are in a kind of rat race until the to make some children as perfect as possible.
Pressure from the outside world
Even worse, this is bad for parents and children. Both become frustrated from the pressure of trying to be perfect. That appears from new american study among more than seven hundred parents. Almost 60 percent say they are burned out, or feel physically and emotionally exhausted. This arises from too high expectations from themselves and pressure from the outside world. Not having enough time to play with children, for relationships and for housework are also factors that lead to burning complaints.
Do less
The sad thing is that doing less is the solution. The more time parents and children have to play together and the less sports clubs, music lessons or other responsibilities children have, the better off they will be. These children are less likely to have mental health problems, such as ADHD, depression, OCD or anxiety. They are also happier when their parents feel good. A downward spiral even occurs: when children have mental problems, parents report more burnout and yell at their children more often. This in turn leads to more cognitive complaints in children.
Lead researcher Kate Gawlik of Ohio State College, herself a working mother of four, cites the illusion of perfect parenting as the problem. Expectations are high and nothing can go wrong. “I think social media has tipped the balance. You can look at people on Instagram or you can even just look at people walking around and think, how do they do that? How does it seem like everything is always in order when it’s not?”
Performance culture
In reality, especially on social media, you only see a very small part of the story. Lying on the floor, a screaming baby in the supermarket is no one’s business Instagram Story, that is picture perfect a trip to Disneyland. The special talents of their descendants are also widely discussed. “We have high expectations of ourselves as parents and we have high expectations of what our children should do and what we can do. You compare yourself to other families, and there is judgment, whether it’s that way or not, it happens. “
According to Gawlik, it is the ‘performance culture’ that is causing all this misery. “When parents burn out, they experience anxiety, stress and depression, but their children also do worse mentally,” said co-researcher Bernadette Melnyk “So it’s really important to face the real story if you get burned out as a parent and do something about it by taking better care of yourself.”
Positive parenting
The researchers developed a very effective one Working Parent Burnout Scale. This 10-point survey allows parents to measure burnout in real time and learn how to use proven solutions. One of these solutions is so-called positive parenting. You give your children a lot of warmth and love, but also structure and direction. “You teach them in a friendly way the consequences of certain behaviour. It’s far better to try to be a positive parent than a perfect parent.”
Gawlik gives an example: “If you could always prioritize keeping your home very clean, but that doesn’t leave you time to walk with your children in the evening, maybe that you need to reorganize or find a way to do both.
Happy child
It is not about raising perfect children in the right way, but about preparing them for adult life in a positive way. This will prevent a lot of frustration. “Parents do a good job of caring for their children, but they rarely put themselves first. As parents we cannot do everything. If children see that their parents take good care of themselves, there is a good chance that they will learn that value as well. It affects the children and the whole family,” he concludes. “As one parent told me, I’d rather have a happy child than a perfect child. “
2024-05-11 17:01:59
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