In the hospice service, terminally ill children and their families are accompanied by specialists and volunteers. Head Helena Gareis about the special challenges in times of Corona.
BZ: Ms. Gareis, what do the new lockdown conditions mean for you and your helpers?
Gareis: In concrete terms – I have a car full of Christmas presents for children who will probably not live to see next Christmas and which we are now driving out. According to the latest ordinances, acute care for the dying is allowed; I read nothing about bereavement care. So I have the feeling that I’m in a gray area here. We are particularly challenged this year. We have a third to a half more inquiries. With our around 25 honorary and two full-time family companions, we currently look after more than 90 families in the entire Ortenau district, i.e. from Achern to Kehl, Offenburg, Kappelrodeck to Wolfach. This also involves long journeys. The uncertainty in many families is particularly great this year, we are all very challenged.
BZ: Where do the Corona ordinances give you particularly big stomach pains when you work with dying and grief counseling for children?
Gareis: In fact, I am very worried when children and their families are prevented from spending the little remaining time together without restriction. Even in Corona times, deaths from many other causes: accidents, other illnesses, heart attacks, even suicide. At the moment only one of the farewell rooms in the cemetery chapel is available to mourning relatives, relatives stay behind plexiglass. After 50 minutes it will be disinfected and it’s time for the next family. That is something of passage through. For me, such measures and conditions are a human declaration of bankruptcy. Even without a degree in psychology, it is certainly easy for everyone to understand that a person needs time to say goodbye. Those who get this time and grief counseling need less or no psychotherapy later.
BZ: What does Christmas mean for you in your work?
Gareis: Christmas time is a time when we all seek light in the middle of the night. We associate Christmas with a feeling. Today we often try to satisfy the longing for security and love by buying many gifts and consuming in every respect. Security, the feeling of being accepted, of being able to let go and being loved, we don’t find on any shelf. Often it is only in the face of finitude that we understand that we are essentially given the most significant things in life. I mean our life, our vitality and supporting relationships. That is why a shutdown cannot take away our Christmas experience for the time being. Not even the children and their families we accompany.
very demanding “
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BZ: What do you experience in your families?
Gareis: Christmas is a very special time in our families. Often it is the last time for the family to be together like this. It also happens again and again that affected families set up their Christmas tree and set up the crib at the beginning of December, as it is unclear how much time is left. In our families we eat, laugh and cry. All the amplitudes of our life can be fully felt. The magic of Christmas lies in being together. The story of the holy family shows us that everything is part of our life. Joy and sorrow and that we are not always asked. We can only choose how to deal with it.
BZ: What would you like to give the people who this year are confronted with the fear of illness and death or are even affected by a bereavement?
Gareis: We cannot understand everything that is going on around us and much will remain a mystery to us. Sometimes we have to live with the open questions. When we are faced with these questions, I personally look at what remains for us. Love and connection is what nobody can take away from us. She will stay forever.
BZ: Where do you get the strength for your work?
Gareis: From the wonderful relationship with my children and the man by my side, from the little unspectacular things, walks, music, lights, a meal with friends, strength from the rest, sometimes just to be with me and myself. From lasting friendships.
Helena Gareis
Helena Gareis is 53 years old and has been head of the Ortenau children’s and youth hospice service since 2012, which is financed exclusively through donations. She is an education officer and member of the board of the Hospice and Palliative Association Baden and mother of two children.
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Donations are possible to: Volksbank in der Ortenau, (IBAN DE33 6649 0000 0013 4590 02) BIC GENODE61OG1; Sparkasse Offenburg / Ortenau, IBAN DE24 6645 0050 0004 9610 84
BIC SOLADES1OFG, purpose: “Donation KIJU”-
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