It has been over a year since Caroline Holmerud Nyborg (23) found out that her father Terje wanted to be called Kristine. She had picked up her father at a summer party when she opened up.
Half a year later, Kristine Nyborg (48) decided to start the process of carrying out a gender change, and told everyone around her about her new identity.
– I’ve known that for a while. It was still surprising that she wants to become a woman full-time, says Caroline.
SUPPORTIVE: Even though it’s a lot of new things to deal with, Caroline has been supportive all the way. Here with the cat Fenris. Photo: John T. Pedersen Show more
Borrowed clothes from the child’s mother
Dagbladet meets the two at Caroline’s home in Saltnes outside Fredrikstad. Kristine sits close to her daughter on the large sofa.
They wear long summer dresses, and their hair falls over their shoulders. Recently, they went on a shopping trip where they looked for both clothes and make-up together. But openness has not always come naturally to Kristine.
Ever since childhood, Kristine has felt different. Even before she started school, she changed clothes with her childhood friend.
The burdensome secret followed Kristine into adulthood. During the day she was Terje, and at night she was Kristine.
COME OUT: Kristine Nyborg has kept her identity to herself all her life. Now she feels much lighter. Photo: John T. Pedersen Show more
– For many it was a shock when I came out. I used to dress up in the clothes of the children’s mother when I was home alone. In the evenings I took the car and drove to deserted places where no one recognized me. It has been tiring, she says.
Kristine has been stuck with many emotions, which have periodically led to depression. The daughter has also noticed that.
– When I look back, it is understandable why dad has been so back and forth with his feelings. I am very relieved that dad has come out. We have never talked so much about feelings together as now, says Caroline.
NEART BÅND: Caroline Holmerud Nyborg thinks it’s nice that she and her father now have more interests in common. Photo: John T. Pedersen Show more
Still dad
Although Caroline took time to process the new everyday life of her father, she has supported her from the start. Nevertheless, she points out that you have to accept that people around you have different reactions.
– You can be like me and take it with an open mind, or you can feel that you are losing a close person. The most important thing is to acknowledge your feelings and talk about them. What you feel is not wrong. The person who changes gender must also be open to other people’s feelings, says Caroline.
For the 23-year-old, Kristine is still the same dad she grew up with.
– It is only the appearance that has changed. She has also gained more interests, but that is just a bonus, says Caroline and smiles at her father.
OPENNESS: Caroline uses Tiktok to convey what it’s like to have a father who is a trans woman. Photo: John T. Pedersen Show more
When it became clear to Caroline that her father was going to become a woman, she began searching for similar stories online. She found several articles about people who are trans, but none about how it is experienced by those around them.
She therefore chose to share her story on TikTok, to get in touch with others who are going through the same thing. In her inbox, she has received several inquiries from people who are grateful that she is sharing her story.
“Haven’t they heard of birth control?”
– I spoke to someone who has been through the same thing. It makes me happy that there are more people who have the same and positive experience as me, she says.
COMMON INTERESTS: Kristine gets help from Caroline with styling before photography. Photo: John T. Pedersen Show more
– Demanding
Goncalo Reis, psychologist and family therapist at Oslo psychological treatment, explains that it is common to react differently when a family member is going through a gender change.
– Some react intensely, with a mixture of different emotions. Then it is important to give time and space to those around you, and let them ask questions, Reis explains.
The family therapist refers to gender change as an extensive and complex situation, and explains that the process is individual from person to person.
– It is important to survey the situation and talk about the concerns you feel. It is not the shift itself that can be problematic, but how the surrounding network handles it. One does not lose the person who changes gender, but it is a change. Some find it demanding, says Reis.
CONVERSATION HELP: Psychologist and family therapist Goncalo Reis recommends seeking help if you find it difficult to deal with a family member changing gender. Photo: Alva Thylén / Oslo psychological treatment Show more
Reis explains that there are three different gender changes one can go through – a legal, social or medical change.
– The social shift involves choosing to be associated with a different gender role, for example by changing clothes, hair and make-up, he says.
– I am saying no
In Norway, everyone has the right to change their legal gender in the population register. You must be 16 years of age to apply yourself, and children between the ages of six and 16 must apply with a parent. You can also apply for gender confirmation treatment, where you change your gender through hormones and/or operations.
– Everyone does it in different ways. Some will start with gender confirmation treatment straight away, while others choose to wait, explains Reis.
More negative reactions
Caroline and Kristine were met by different reactions when they shared their story on social media.
– Most of the comments are negative. We choose to focus on the positive, says Caroline.
Kristine agrees, although she thinks it was a bit uncomfortable at the start.
– I have come to the point where I don’t care what other people think. It’s a good feeling, she says.
Kristine Nyborg and Caroline Holmerud Nyborg have never talked as much about feelings as they have recently. Photo: John T. Pedersen Show more
After several difficult years, Kristine is looking forward to starting hormone therapy, although she is aware that the process is time-consuming.
– I have wanted to become a woman for many years, so when I first came out I had a very bad time, she explains.
2023-07-09 13:53:13
#dad #Kristine
