Spy Kids: Armageddon: A Disappointing Reboot of a Classic Franchise

Children’s films are always a challenge to rewatch. How can I, as an adult, reasonably assess the quality of a film that is not made for me? I will try my best. Spy Kids: Armageddon is the fifth film in Robert Rodriguez’s long-running Spy Kids franchise. This time, Rodriguez removes the Cortez family that we followed in the first four films. We’re in full reboot mode with another group of kids joining the OSS to become spies.

If I were to objectively analyze this film, it is a poorly written and visually unappealing film that is only aimed at young children. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but we’ll get there. It’s no secret that Rodriguez makes the Spy Kids films for his children. The original trilogy is a source of nostalgia for many people who watched it as a child. I watched them recently and even found pleasure in them. Parts of those films still hold up, and it’s poetic that Rodriguez is now directing Spy Kids: Armageddon with his children, who worked on the film’s screenplay and music. There’s a special place in Rodriguez’s heart for Spy Kids, but ever since that original trilogy, he can’t seem to crack the code. Spy Kids: Armageddon is an amalgamation of everything we’ve seen before, only worse.

The premise most closely resembles the original Spy Kids movie and Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over! It recycles the formula from the first film, where a brother and sister discover their parents are spies and must team up to save their kidnapped parents. However, instead of a children’s show, the plot surrounds a video game that has populated almost every screen on the planet. Our family of spies must work together to stop the developer, The King (Billy Magnussen), from taking over the world. It feels like a weak attempt to adapt these classic films for a modern era while losing the charm that made the original three films work.

We have the “save the parents” storyline from the first one, the skeleton battles from Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams, the video games from Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, and an overfixation on the word “armageddon” from Spy Kids: All the time in the world. It’s the recycled leftovers of the franchise, offering nothing new to say other than giving you another adventure with another brother and sister. Oh, and one of them is good at hacking. Because of course they are. Spy Kids: Armageddon repackages what we’ve already seen into a shiny 2023 package.

Let’s talk about the casting this time. I find it interesting that Spy Kids: All the Time in the World is Rodriguez’s first attempt at breathing new life into the series with a new brother-sister duo. However, since that movie failed, we have yet another brother-sister duo that can’t replace the chemistry of Carmen and Juni Cortez. The characters feel like archetypes, with Tony (Connor Esterson) being the rule breaker and Patty (Everly Carganilla) the more direct one. The chemistry, charm, and banter aren’t as strong as what we saw in the original trilogy. When rebooting a franchise with new faces, that chemistry makes or breaks it.

We also have Zachary Levi and Gina Rodriguez as new parents. Levi pulls from his typical bag of tricks as a charming adult with some childish qualities. He’s charismatic in the role and Rodriguez is perfectly acceptable in his role, but there’s a heart and soul missing at the center of this film. We get elements of what made the original Spy Kids movie fun, like the gadgets and action. However, most of the action is pretty forgettable, all blending together to the point where you don’t remember much of the footage. The final action sequence looks like a rip-off of the Battle of Mustafar from Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.

There is also no subtlety in the writing. It’s not as bad as the 2011 sequel, where almost every line of dialogue contained the word “time”. However, Spy Kids: Armageddon addresses themes of lying and honesty. This movie is very preachy in its messages that honesty is the best policy and that you can solve problems without violence. While it is good that children are receiving these messages, their execution is weak. Children deserve good, well-written films as much as adults. The best thing I can say about this film is that since kids may find the 2001 film outdated, they might enjoy a more modern take on the premise. Children will probably have a lot of fun watching this film. After all, they are the target population. But objectively, it’s a derivative and uninspired sequel that doesn’t hold up to the originals.

NOTE : 3/10

As ComingSoon’s review policy explains, a rating of 3 is equivalent to “Poor.” Due to significant issues, this medium seems like a chore to sit through.

2023-09-27 00:22:32
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