The evening was pleasant, with a party and a good atmosphere. For the first time, “Silje” and her flirt had to sleep in the same room.
They weren’t a couple, but it was in the cards that this could become something more.
– He was a piece of shit. I had only taken a couple of shots, so I wasn’t particularly impressed. Then we went to bed, we started joking, without clothes, says “Silje”.
Here the story could have had a completely different ending. But the turn she took tonight began to haunt her a couple of years ago. It’s been over ten years and she hasn’t shared her thoughts with anyone, until now.
– I told my partner, I told you and I told my psychologist. I haven’t actually told anyone else. The rest of my life is known to most of the people around me, because I am like an open book. But just this …
She stops.
– Do you think anyone finds it odd that you choose to come out and talk about it?
– Yes, I think so, because it is taboo. Because I think some people don’t think it’s okay to rape a man.
– Very clumsy
We call her “Silje”, but her name is actually something else. She lives in Østlandet and NRK met her during this interview.
She hopes her story will contribute to more men who dare to report having been subjected to sexual harassment and abuse. She has a bad conscience about what happened and wants to break the taboo that even women can rape.
– Women can also rape, it’s not just men who do it, says “Silje”.
Life after the rape was profligate and he constantly had new partners. “Silje” was used to it her body was the only thing of value to men.
Remember what happened that night as a clumsy.
Because in the midst of the passionate kiss, the man in whom “Silje” was so engrossed fell asleep.
– Then I got the idea that all men want to have sex, all the time. So I tried to complete a report. I tried to satisfy him, even though he was sleeping. And maybe myself.
There was nothing left, and she fell asleep. The next day, according to him, everything seemed fine “Silje”.
– Maybe it was a little quiet, but it could be drunk.
– What I thought was normal was not
After this day, the contact between them gradually disappeared. There were some text messages back and forth.
– I tried to get in touch, but in the end I didn’t get it anymore.
Only now does he think he has understood why.
“Silje” has never spoke to this man again.
Only a decade later, then “Fool” met her current husband, she opened her eyes to what had happened.
The new man taught “Silje” to set limits. He said “no” to sex, when she didn’t feel like it. And she respected the fact that she did the same.
– There was no problem, either “Come on”. She was alone “ok”and it was so unusual.
It was then that “Silje” approached. All of his previous intimate experience was transgressive.
– Dsomething I thought was normal wasn’t. I realized that pagof course this is how it should be, obviously a no is a no.
– What happened was wrong
The only thing “Silje” knows is that the man who raped her didn’t report her. He thinks maybe he’s not even that strange.
– DI understand perfectly well, why it is terribly taboo for a man to be raped by a woman.
He thought maybe he should contact him again. At the same time, she doesn’t know if she would make things better.
– I don’t know if you think it was an assault.
– Have you thought about talking to him?
– Perhaps it would be liberating for him to have the recognition that what had happened was wrong. Maybe it would have been to scratch a wound, which doesn’t really need to be done anymore. Maybe he lives well and well where he is now.
– Don’t you know anything about him?
– Nothing. I don’t even remember his surname. I have a name and a place.
In the end “Silje” has no further information on the man, nor has NRK been able to get in touch with him. Therefore, this story has only one side.
That even men could be raped was something “Silje” never considered possible. And she’s not sure she deserves punishment.
– Large dark figures
There are more than “Silje” who needs more knowledge about men’s sexual desire. Experiment general manager, Ingvild Hestad Torkelsen, to offer free help
The Nok centers. they are multidisciplinary, free and low-threshold help services for all people who have been exposed to sexual abuse and for their relatives. They are also a professional resource offering guidance and teaching on sexual abuse issues.
“data-term =” Nok.Norge “> Nok. Norway.
According to Torkelsen, it’s a common misconception that men are more sexual than women. He believes that the time has come to recognize that men also have limitations.
– Men can be physically larger and stronger and one might expect them to be able to set boundaries. That they do not experience it in the same way, because they have a different physique.
Torkelsen says the men they’ve talked to say they’re ridiculed.
– It’s something people still joke about. Some men say “if you’ve been mistreated, you’re lucky”. There are a lot of jokes, which don’t contribute to greater openness or safe spaces for men.
TO KNOW TOO LITTLE: Even in a large study with over two thousand male participants, there were so few men reporting rape that we don’t have enough information to describe any patterns when it comes to relationships with offenders, says Ingvild Hestad Torkelsen on Nok . Norway.
Photo: Nok. Norway
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There is reason to believe that there are great dark figures for assaults on men, according to Torkelsen.
– There is a reason why one refuses to say it. How will you be welcomed, will people believe me or laugh a little? Fear of how it will be received probably keeps a lot of people waiting.
Therefore, it means a lot for men to be able to read other people’s experiences, to know that others have been through the same thing as themselves, says Torkelsen.
He believes it is important to learn lessons, like this one “Silje” did.
– It is very nice that you recognize what you have done, that you dare to put it into words and learn from it.
I will look into the problem
At the end of August the new Men’s Committeehow among other things, she has to look at the taboo with men who are exposed to sexual violence. Both when it comes to violence and exposure to violence, but also sexual harassment.
Torkelsen is thrilled to see what they come up with.
– I am very happy that all three points are part of this mandate. You don’t want men to be sexually abused and you don’t want them to be abusers either.
The committee will be chaired by Claus Moxnes Jervell. He believes that sexual violence is serious abuse and that all who experience it should get help.
– Our job on the men’s committee is to bring out the knowledge we have about affected boys and men and propose measures so they can get help, says Jervell.
The mandate of the men’s committee states the following;
“Men are also exposed to sexual violence, but research indicates that sexual abuse is highly taboo for men and that men exposed to sexual violence face particular barriers to seek help.”