MADRID, 18 Feb. (EUROPA PRESS) –
It is common for some couples to schedule a sexual encounter on important dates on the calendar, such as a birthday or the recently celebrated Valentine’s Day. However, it is true that the idea that spontaneous sex is the most passionate and satisfying is deeply rooted in the popular Western imagination, but what is there of myth and reality in this belief? Is there one option better than the other?
Psychology researchers at York University’s School of Health (UK) have looked into the question, finding that planning ahead can be “just as sexy” as sex that “just happens.” “There can be a lot of resistance to asking patients to talk and plan sex more, to work as a sexual team. I think it’s because of what we see in the movies, but the funny thing is that there is planning in those scenes: a whole The production crew is there, the actors memorize their lines,” says psychotherapist Katarina Kovacevic, who specializes in romantic relationships and sexual problems and is a PhD student at York’s Laboratory for Sexual Health and Relationships.
“What our new study found was that, although many people do endorse the ideal of spontaneous sex, there was no difference in their reported satisfaction with their last actual sexual encounter, whether it was planned or not,” the study said. expert.
For this research, published in the Journal of Sex Research, Kovacevic, her supervisor, York University Professor of Psychology Amy Muise, and their collaborators have conducted two studies. In the first, more than 300 individuals who were in romantic relationships were analyzed and questions were asked through an online survey. In the second, more than 100 couples responded to daily surveys about their romantic and sexual lives for three weeks. In both cases, they wanted to analyze people’s beliefs about planned versus spontaneous sex, but also whether these beliefs would translate into satisfaction with actual sexual encounters.
In the first part of the study, they found that supporting the idea that spontaneous sex is better was correlated with self-reported satisfaction. In the second study, when the last sexual relation of the participants was analyzed, it was observed that there were no differences in the degree of satisfaction of sexual relations (according to whether they were planned or spontaneous), regardless of the beliefs of the people.
“In general, we found that people supported the ideal of spontaneous sex,” says Muise. “But despite these beliefs, in our two studies we found no strong evidence that people actually experience spontaneous sex as more satisfying than planned sex,” she says.
Kovacevic says that when therapists like her talk about “planned sex,” they don’t necessarily mean scheduling it, and while planning sex may seem like a chore to some, the anticipation can sometimes lead to desire, too.
“When we suggest that couples or other romantic setups set aside that time, we’re not necessarily saying that they write it down on a calendar, like 7 p.m. on a Tuesday, after putting dinner in the oven and before folding the socks,” jokes the researcher. “But the intent behind it can be transformative in the sense that you don’t have to wait for the right moment, because sometimes some people just never feel like it and that can put them off,” she adds.
In addition, Muise and Kovacevic are reminded how much important and enjoyable aspects of life, like vacations or building a rewarding career, are often planned for, and that there’s no reason sex can’t be the same. “Since sex is important to many people and has many health and relationship benefits, it makes sense to prioritize and approach sex in the same way,” they say.
For the researchers, “the key is in the intention, in front of the expectations”. Kovacevic says the expectations of sex around holidays, anniversaries and birthdays can put people under pressure. Instead, he recommends that romantic partners plan to spend regular quality time together, without distractions, to “keep the spark alive.” “If you’re planning to have sex this Valentine’s, try to have it before the big meal and glasses of wine,” Muise concludes.
