“As much as it was simple to share what we had been able to buy together (arc lamp, washing machine, vintage console), for Huguette it quickly seemed impossible to leave it to one or the other …”, says Pierre, a 49-year-old gallery owner. The Parisian, separated from Marie after five years of relationship, still fondly remembers the adoption of their Boston terrier: “She was the one who wanted her, but it didn’t take much to convince me! »
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Both “very attached” to the animal, they quickly agreed on “alternate custody”. “It was obvious,” confides this forty-year-old without children. One month for one, one month for the other. A “rather convenient” organization, he believes. “But I must admit, every time I leave, I miss his yapping and the sound of his little paws on the parquet floor of the apartment…”
This configuration no longer surprises Claude Béata, veterinary behaviorist and author of several popularization essays on animal psychology*. “Many owners, when they separate, now choose joint custody,” he observes. Particularly with their dog, which they “rightly” believe is a “social” being, while the cat wants to be more “territorial” – and therefore less adaptable.
A phenomenon that journalist Mylène Bertaux, author of Everything. The New Place of Dogs in Our Lives (Fayard, 2024), attributes above all to a “change in status” of the animal: “The dog went from the kennel to the sofa, then to the bedroom and, in some cases, to the stroller! » This shift, inevitably, “generates new problems, including that of custody. »
“We love our dog so much”
In fact, 68% of French people consider their pet to be a member of their family, surveyed by Ipsos for the Royal Canin brand, in 2023 (“The French and their pets”). For those under 35 “who adopt the most dogs”, and as the age of motherhood declines, “it often occupies the role of a first “child””, observes the journalist again.
“There was no way I was going to let him go. My dog is like my baby…” confides Chloé, a 27-year-old Parisian, from a “canip park” at the foot of the Sacré-Cœur. The young woman broke up with Marc a year ago, just a few weeks after adopting Toby, a three-month-old beagle. “This dog was a project we did together. Despite the breakup, neither of us wanted to part ways. »
The situation is delicate, agrees the twenty-something: “It involves maintaining the link and seeing each other regularly. In the early days after the breakup, it could have been difficult… » But for Toby, the ex-couple goes beyond their divisions, to the point of organizing a party for the animal’s birthday or sharing, as a couple, after -noon with him. “We love our dog too much for things to go wrong. »
For the rest, he agrees on a half-week organization, every other weekend (“priority to the one who goes to the countryside”) and uses an application for sharing expenses, to keep the accounts. The operation can be improved, however, Chloé recognizes. “I advance most of the costs, and it often happens that he calls me to shift his shift, when it is not for a question about kibble or medication…”
“This organization often generates the same problems as those of separated parents,” observes Mylène Bertaux, who investigated the subject at length as part of her essay. We deal with each other’s functioning, we blame each other for poor management of costs, a lack of care, organization… The classics of shared custody! »
“She wanted to hurt me”
Thus Pierre, Huguette’s owner, recounts the text messages his ex-partner sends to him with each new shift: “She reminds me how to take care of the dog (“Pay attention to her”, “Don’t make her run too much” …), as if I didn’t know! Basically, everything we couldn’t stand when we were together manifests itself through the dog, which is the last link we have left,” he says with a laugh.
If he prefers to have fun with these interferences, the forty-year-old nonetheless remains marked by an argument, which occurred a few months earlier and at the end of which Marie suggested putting an end to this mode of operation, to “take back Huguette”. “She wanted to hurt me, and knew that was the point she could hit me…”
A textbook case for Olivia Symniacos, lawyer specializing in animal law and author ofIn the name of all animals (Les Arènes, 2024). “With shared custody, it is not uncommon for the pet to bear the brunt of the anger, pain or resentment of one of the owners, particularly through the threat of depriving the other of it. . It’s directed, it’s low, but it’s everyday! »
The lawyer even observes a constant: “Joint custody almost always goes off the rails at the same time. » The arrival of a new partner playing the role of catalyst: “Either the latter is opposed to the master continuing to see his ex, or the ex wants to punish the other for having found someone again! » says the specialist. Overall, she concludes, “this organization turns out to be complicated in the long term…”
“I didn’t want to overwhelm him”
Ninon didn’t get to that point. But she confides: “I secretly hoped he would get tired. » When she leaves François, her partner, after four years of relationship, this 36-year-old advertising executive is at first “surprised” that he asks to share custody of their Siamese cat. “For me, Malice had always been mine, in fact I was the one who took care of it. But I had left him, he was suffering, I didn’t want to burden him further…”
The former couple then agrees to one rotation per fortnight. A challenge: “It was sixty minutes on the metro, thirty of which were with the cat crying in its cage. It hurt my heart and when I talked about it to my friends, they asked me why we were making up problems! » This organization will last three months, his ex-companion himself admitting the discomfort of the situation. “A relief. »
If Ninon and François resolved the issue amicably, “more and more separated couples are now resorting to a lawyer,” observes Olivia Symniacos. And if fewer people initiate proceedings for this subject alone, many of them now include the question of animal ownership in their divorce file, “just as we settle the question of children or the car, they want to clarify the fate of the dog. And whatever organization they decide to set up next, they are right! »
Although recognized as a “living being endowed with sensitivity”, the animal remains under the property regime. Thus, his fate varies depending on the matrimonial regime chosen by the ex-spouses. And, in the case of separation of property or an unmarried couple, according to the name of the partner appearing on the sales or adoption contract. “I am often told: “I took care of him, his diet and his veterinary bills for years.” But that doesn’t give you any rights! » insists the lawyer.
If no French law governs these claims, in Spain, where a new provision clarifies, since January 2022, this type of dispute, the court can decide to establish alternate custody of the pet. Or grant, the leasta right of visitation and accommodation to those who are deprived of it. Among the parameters taken into account: the conditions offered to the animal, the time allocated to it or the links which unite it to one or the other of its masters.
* Claude Béata notably published Cat Madnessat Odile Jacob (2022).
