Last Christmas, Selma Ibrahim (27) sat back and waited for the new year to start. He was in what she calls “a rather awkward period” in her life where she didn’t know what she was going to do or what she wanted to do next.
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Then there was a request from NRK Super if they could imagine helping tackle the ‘BlimE’ bullying campaign as this year’s ‘BlimE’ artist, and that was the start of what was to be a year quite long for the 27-year-old.
– It’s been a very fun year. I sat down to look back on the year to remember how good it actually was. It seems like it was only yesterday that I got the call to join “BlimE”. It went so fast, Ibrahim tells Nettavisen and is very grateful for the opportunity he had.
As this year’s “BimE” artist, Ibrahim spent 2022 traveling to schools across the country. One of her biggest highlights was when she appeared on the VG list as well as hosting this year’s Melodi Grand Prix Junior broadcast, guest of ‘Maskorama’ and published her book where she opens up about being bullied as a child.
He received a lot of attention for the latter feat. Not only because she shared a story few people knew about, but also because she discovered that she was a bully herself as a child.
I didn’t even know he was bullying
– It was so important to me to include it in the book, even though I think it’s embarrassing to say it out loud. It’s something I really don’t want to share with people, because I’m ashamed of it. But at the same time, I think it’s important to be open about it because things are rarely completely black and white, Ibrahim tells Nettavisen.
According to the NRK profile, she herself was unaware that she bullied someone else in secondary school. At that time, she really wanted to be liked and she loved to make others laugh. Sometimes, the desire to make others laugh became so great that she came at the expense of others, and perhaps weaker people of her class.
Ibrahim was called to the office of a school environmental officer and confronted about the behavior. She was shocked.
– I didn’t know that my inventions affected others like that. That’s also a big part of why I want to talk about it, because why you act the way you do is often a more complex reason than what you’re bad or good, says Ibrahim.
Ibrahim is still feeling the impact of the confrontation, especially as he would go through the experience of being bullied shortly after.
He kept the bullying under wraps
It was when Ibrahim switched schools in high school that she got to experience for herself what it is like to be bullied.
In the book, Ibrahim describes a very painful and lonely youth where she was ostracized by the other students at her new school.
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According to Ibrahim, he had no friends as no one wanted to be his friend. She also recalls anonymous text messages she received daily with false claims and observations about herself.
– Nobody wanted to talk to me, and if they did, it was to whisper or gossip about me, recalls Ibrahim.
Bullying and loneliness kept Ibrahim in hiding. For several years he lied to his parents and old friends from previous school about how he felt. He thought it was too embarrassing to tell someone how things were really at school.
– I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I was so ashamed, because when you constantly hear bad things about yourself, you start to believe them. You begin to believe that you are worth less and don’t deserve to feel good, says Ibrahim.
– Besides, it was scary to say it out loud. Having to say out loud that you don’t have any friends at school was scary because he confirmed it was true, she continues.
For many years Ibrahim therefore did not tell anyone how he really felt. A few years later, when he started attending Danvik Folkehøyskole in Drammen, he was confronted with repressed feelings.
Never received an apology
At the beginning of the school year, the NRK profile and other students of the popular high school were given the task of telling a story of their life in one minute.
Bullying in secondary school was something Ibrahim had never told anyone about before. By now many years had passed and she herself thought that she was no longer influenced by what she had experienced as a child.
– But when I tell it, I start to cry and I’m shocked by my own reaction. “Shit, I need to work on this, because I’m clearly not over it,” I thought. And that’s when I decided I was going to do something about my story. Say it one way or another. And that was the first time it occurred to me that one day I would write a book, says Ibrahim.
The 27-year-old therefore didn’t hesitate for a second when the opportunity presented itself. Consider the overwhelming response to the book a bonus.
– There has been exclusively positive feedback from both adults and children who talk about their experience of what secondary school was like. There are also parents who have told me that I am the role model for their children, and it is very nice to hear that.
Though the feedback has come in, none of the bullies have spoken out today.
– Have any of them contacted you to apologize?
– No, not actually. No one has made contact, but I don’t hold a grudge against anyone who has been mean to me, as I know they most likely had their meanness. And I say this from experience. You’re not constantly mean because you bullied someone in middle school. Like I said, things aren’t black and white. I hope they are doing well in their lives today, says Ibrahim.
Need to talk about it more
Ibrahim also says that the children he has met through his work cannot understand that Ibrahim has been bullied. And that’s largely why he wanted to share his story about him.
In NRK Super, the 27-year-old is always meeting children and has experienced that there are many children in schools in Norway who are not doing well. With the book, she hopes more people feel perhaps a little less alone.
– But also for parents. Because there are a lot of people who forget what it’s like to go to secondary school. I feel that parents can often undermine the life you have in secondary school. There’s an extremely large amount that happens to both the body and emotions during that time that’s hard to talk about, and when it then comes your way “it’s not that dangerous” if your secondary school boyfriend breaks down, or what have you have quarreled with your girlfriend, then you can feel very lonely, says Ibrahim passionately.
– As an adult, it might not be that dangerous, but if you look at how you felt in high school yourself, you understand that it is, right there and there, your whole life and that there are feelings that you have to take seriously.
Ibrahim herself hates the phrase “pass,” but even though she doesn’t write it in the book, she still hopes it’s what people are left with after reading the book. She also hopes the book will help keep people talking openly about bullying in school, because it often has more consequences than you think.
– I somehow did not think about why I was the way I was in different situations. As an adult, I’m actually an outgoing person, but I also have very insecure sides. When meeting new people, my first thought can often be that they don’t like me. Also, I haven’t really thought about why I’m like this. But now, after writing the book, I realize it’s a holdover from when nobody liked me.
– And I also write about this in the book, that you still bear the mark of bullying several years later in life.
