In our romantic or friendly, and even professional relationships, trust and honesty are essential. Foundations of the couple, transparency and sincerity are essential to be able to flourish in a relationship. However, many of us sometimes come to terms with reality. Not necessarily to deliberately lie but to be able to convey a message more easily. You can also hide your feelings and respond that everything is fine when nothing is. But according to the scientific journal Psychology Todaythere is indeed a type of lie that could really damage your relationship.
The ugly lie
“Even if the truth is not a relational threat, lying about the people you are with at the moment T or with whom you were with during the day” is disturbing, says the psychological journal. Thus, omitting to give details about your dating is therefore the lie that must be avoided at all costs in your relationship. More than infidelity, lying like this would be a real obstacle to the development of your couple. Despite everything, this study does not clear up the deception.
And the infidelity in all this?
Invited by Caroline Paré on RFILisa Letessier, clinical psychologist explains that, in the face of lies and unfaithfulnessour perception of the other suddenly changes. “The emotions felt can be enormous… some develop the equivalent of post-traumatic stress, including post-cheating stress. » We must not forget that there are several forms of infidelity: « There is sexual fidelity but also emotional, to its principles, to its values, to what has been said. When we see that the other has betrayed this trust, this fidelity, this honesty, the couple is shaken…”
Rebuild after a lie
It is important to specify that following a lie or an infidelity, the two partners must work together. “Whoever lied, who betrayed, must become aware of his behavior, take responsibility and work on rebuilding trust. The one who has been the victim of lies must also renounce the fact of punishing the other for what he has done and also be in this kind of questioning: what behavior in me led the other to do this, at this moment of life in our couple?« It can be very difficult for the couple to overcome this ordeal.
How to forgive lies?
Indeed, to be able to get up from a lie, you will have to forgive. « Forgiving does not mean being okay with what happened. The purpose of the work that I propose is already to decide whether or not I want to stay with the other. Succeeding in forgiving the other is very important for the couple, but especially for oneself because resentment can really nibble from the inside and be extremely toxic for those who feel it. To forgive means to stop wanting to punish the other, to be able to feel kindness towards the other, but it does not mean “I want to stay with you”. Once we have forgiven we can still decide to leave… because this couple does not suit us. We can also decide to leave with the other on a much healthier basis. » « At the start of a couple, talking about your values, the education of children, what you expect from a life as a couple, what it represents, is very important…” and can prevent major problems later.
