Sari couldn’t cry, laugh or get angry – 2024-03-11 18:33:11

Sari Linde, 57, experienced a cerebral hemorrhage in 2016. The fifty-year-old woman’s life was on a knife’s edge for several weeks. He survived, but what happened left its mark.

Linde’s strange symptoms started a good year before the brain hemorrhage. His left hand went numb.

– I went to the doctor, and I was examined. However, no clear reason for the intervention was found. After that, everyday life went on normally.

The brain hemorrhage struck when Linde was at the cottage with her husband and her second son. He doesn’t remember anything about the events, but the situation has been discussed with family members later.

– I had complained of a severe headache and feeling unwell, and I looked for painkillers in the cupboard. Soon after, I had started vomiting, after which I had passed out.

The unconscious Linde was taken to the hospital by ambulance. The situation was critical.

– My survival had depended on a hair’s breadth. No one knew if I would wake up, and if so, how I would wake up.

At the hospital, Linde’s cerebral artery bulging was sutured. Otherwise, one could only wait and hope for the best.

– I was kept in a coma, and I was unconscious for six weeks. I was on a ventilator and nasogastric tube feeding, and I was fighting for my survival.

For the long road

The underlying cause of Linde’s brain hemorrhage was thought to be genetics, although she also smoked at the time. His father had suffered a cerebral infarction and his father’s sister had died of a cerebral haemorrhage.

– A couple of years ago, my brother also had a brain infarction.

Linde won the fight for her life and woke up after a long period of darkness.

– However, I have no memories of it. What I do know is that my limbs on the left side were paralyzed. In addition, I had problems with swallowing, among other things.

– I had also talked completely nonsense. For example, I had told that I was a 33-year-old show jumping woman, which was really far from the truth.

He was completely unconscious for a long time.

– I didn’t realize I couldn’t walk. Because of that, I ended up collapsing on the floor, and I had to be tied up from time to time.

Rehabilitation already started in the hospital. As the situation progressed, Linde was transferred to actual rehabilitation.

– I still don’t have many memories of it either. However, one saying of a physiotherapist stuck in my mind. During training, he repeated Tiku, Taku, Tiku, Taku, Iines and Aku, which suited the training well.

Linde was able to go home for Christmas just under three months after the incident. He still moved around in a wheelchair, although the movement of his limbs had begun to return. The memories from that time are still haunting.

– However, I remember something. One such moment is when I was sitting on the toilet seat and my husband told me to straighten myself up because I was about to spill between the seat and the wall.

For sickness pension

After home leave, Linde returned to rehabilitation, from where she was soon transferred to the hospital for further examinations. At the same time, he was diagnosed with hydrocephalus, i.e. a disorder of the cerebrospinal fluid circulation.

– That’s why a shunt was installed in my head. After that, my situation clearly changed for the better. The moment was turning point.

After the operation, he got into intensive rehabilitation.

– At first, there were many kinds of discussions. Through them, I understood more broadly for the first time what has happened and what kind of challenges I have.

– However, I did not panic. I just thought I would get through it and get better. I set a goal to get out of the wheelchair and go back to my job as an accountant. The underlying factor behind my attitude was definitely my indomitable nature.

Rehabilitation and hard work paid off, and Linde’s condition began to improve.

– I did what I could, because my desire to get back on my feet was huge. Finally, half a year after what happened, I was able to return home without a wheelchair, walking on my own feet. Even today, I am full of gratitude that I can walk on my own two feet.

After discharge, various therapies and rehabilitation continued.

– In addition to my family and friends, the dog Rico was a very important help in rehabilitation. Outdoor walks with the dog were part of every day. It kept my daily rhythm in order.

Linde tried to return to working life through a work trial in 2019. The return was not successful.

– Nothing really came of the job. The worst drawback was fatigue. I was also unable to learn the necessary new things.

– His own problem was that my condition was not visible from above. My coworkers still saw me the same way I did before the brain hemorrhage. I myself was not able to tell my condition clearly enough, which caused difficulties.

Linden had to leave work. After that, encouraged by his family, he decided to apply for a disability pension.

– Retirement was a tough place at first. As a young person, I was pushed aside from normal everyday life.

– However, I realized over time that the solution was right, because I wouldn’t have been able to work. So I focused on being a full-time dog sitter. Rico was absolutely invaluable to me.

A new life

The brain hemorrhage crippled the emotional center of Linde’s brain, and her emotional life completely changed.

– I didn’t know how to properly cry, laugh or get angry for a long time. My son’s words reflect that. He stated that I have the same expression on my face no matter what happens.

– The situation was very difficult. When I felt like I was going to cry, no crying and no tears came out. I just felt a strange lump inside me. The same was true for joy. A decent laugh just didn’t come out.

He sees a glimmer of good in it.

– The situation would certainly prevent possible depression. Of course, I also sometimes had medication, but it was practically useless.

Linde sought an understanding of the situation from conversations with a neuropsychologist. The final breakthrough regarding the release of emotions took place last summer under sad circumstances.

– Our dog Rico died then. After that, tears fell from my eyes for the first time. After Rico died, I screamed and cried. Although the event was sad, it opened the floodgates of my emotions.

A new bringer of joy, the Kapu dog, soon arrived in the family. Tulokas contributed to the release of emotions. Linde clearly remembers one painful moment.

– I was lying in bed when Kapu jumped there and dropped the bone he was carrying on my head. It really hurt and I started to cry a lot. I realized later that I was crying out my other bad feelings at the same time.

– These events really helped a lot. After them, I have been able to show my emotions better. Kapus has become really important like Rico. It brings rhythm and light to my life.

Linde’s life still includes, among other things, fatigue, lack of initiative, slowness and partial weakness of her left hand. However, he sees a lot of good, even though there have been some darker moments.

– Even though my life changed, I am very grateful. Sure, at some moments I’ve thought that it would have been better if I had died.

– Bad things quickly fade away when I think about how well I have rehabilitated myself despite everything and caught up with life. It also feels good to notice that I am still an important person to many.

Linde tries to approach life as positively as possible.

– It’s not worth thinking about which things are bad. Instead, it is good to be aware of what is good in life. Ruminating on bad things only wastes energy and makes life seem more miserable than it is. It is also good to seek and receive help.

– A method that works for me in case of bad days is a thought book. I write the thoughts I read there, and I read them when a boring moment comes. After that, the sun usually starts to shine again. With the help of writing, I also express my feelings on social media.