Andreas “TIX” Haukeland (28) says that the day before he was to perform “A Thousand Tears” on P3 Gull in November 2020, police and health personnel stood at the door with a strong call that he should be admitted.
TIX refused.
– They came in to examine the house for things I could injure myself with, TIX says about the panic attack a little over a year ago.
It happens in tonight’s first episode of this year’s “Every time we meet” season.
To VG, he elaborates on why he refused to be admitted. His big, long-term plan for 2020 was in danger.
– The last year has been a race to call for as much attention as possible around breaking down prejudices and taboo areas. P3 Gold was the starting shot for this, says TIX.
It ended up being a year where TIX set a completely new standard for Norwegian artists around openness about mental problems. He became a national caregiver, despite the fact that at that time he himself needed spiritual care.
–– The fact that I chose to say no to help, despite the fact that I knew it was necessary, was because I had faith that the performance on P3 Gold would be important for many at home. It may sound a bit pretentious, but I experience that my message and presence is so important to very many, that I can not so easily set aside time for myself, says TIX and takes a breath:
– P3 Gold was the starting shot for a long race with a call for openness about mental health. When such a strongly established character as TIX opens up and reveals what is actually hiding behind the façade, the threshold becomes a little lower for others to do the same. I am very happy with the outcome, but no one has really known how much it actually cost me to try to help others without receiving help myself, he says.
“I do not want to live / A thousand tears” was the song that was to be so important to him. Next time he performs it is at Lindmo on NRK 1 in January last year. There, TIX also choked with tears about his obsessions and about 17 May in 2018 when he was determined to end his life.
The next part of the plan is participation in the Norwegian final of the Melodi Grand Prix (MGP) in February. It is going so well that it almost goes badly for the plan – again. When he sees that it is heading for victory, he begs NRK to let go and win, TIX tells in tonight’s “Every time we meet”.
– My goal in MGP was both to offer entertainment and to get my message across. When it actually went to victory, I was afraid to disappoint people at home because the responsibility of carrying our flag abroad during Eurovision is so enormous. At the same time, I knew that the race I had already done would be much longer than I had thought. At that time, the heaviest and most difficult in the last year, I had not had time to deal with myself yet.
– You were afraid of losing control of your plan?
– Yes, I had enough to take care of myself and was afraid of losing control of the narrative that I wanted to tell, he admits.
–– Everything that was written and talked about me during this period – that people expected me to line up everywhere all the time – meant that this narrative was still in danger of being completely derailed. Therefore, there was no alternative to saying no to interviews to take a break. It was necessary for me to line up to make sure that things I had said were not taken out of context. Make sure the message I wanted to convey was not retold incorrectly. In addition, I had no breaks at all during this period, he says.
During the last day of filming of “Every time we meet”, TIX was made aware of what he today characterizes as a “fun fact”.
– One from the team mentioned that after the MGP final was over, everyone had gone home and I had done all the interviews, I had stayed behind to pay for the floor in the arena.
– Is not it a slightly lonely picture?
– It was an empty house at home, and I knew that already the next day I was going to record recordings for Eurovision. Then I could not be alone. Instead, I stayed with the gang to clean and eat candy. It’s the career in a nutshell, and which I’ve heard others tell about as well; that you build and build yourself up to something big, and afterwards a creepy feeling of emptiness creeps in when the goal is reached. The upswings are not worth as much if you do not have someone to share them with.
As the Eurovision final in Rotterdam approaches in May, TIX will appear with another strong story Christine Dancke’s “Haik” on NRK1. About 20-year-old Aurora from Stavanger who died of cancer in 2019. She was a TIX fan on her neck, and was buried with TIX in gold letters on the coffin.
He himself was present at the funeral, and in “Haik” he sings his newly written “Angel, do not go” for Aurora’s family and best friend, a song that is also covered in tonight’s “Every time we meet”.
The attention and prelude to the Eurovision appearance seemed quite massive.
Watch Emelie Hollow’s strong version of “Fallen Angel” from Vigelandsmuseet HERE!
– In advance, it was very, very scary, both because I should represent Norway with pride and because 200 million people wanted to see me. I was prepared for hard days, I was used to that – I have had these every day since high school. But instead, the whole journey became a playground and an adventure! For the first time, I felt like part of a unique community, a gang that works towards the same goal, says TIX, who was just as happy to interrupt NRK’s MGP general Stig Karlsen on the first after the MGP victory.
– I said that regardless of whether we win or not, when we land at Gardermoen after Eurovision – we will all have a feeling of having been part of something historic! I’m really grateful that we all agreed on that from the first moment.
–The period after the MGP and the days in connection with Eurovision are a bubble that is difficult to describe inside, TIX believes.
– The two weeks during Eurovision were like a camp school I never got to experience growing up. Not only that, it became a love story as well.
– But was the flirtation with Efendi from Azerbaijan just a PR stunt?
– I can confirm that it was not a PR stunt, I fell flat, me. And that was one of the best things about Eurovision.
– Do you have contact today?
– I hope we can have contact forever.
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