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Gummy bear and almond mother are two categories into which mothers are divided on TikTok. Why women have every right to be angry about this.
“When I go to the grocery store with some of my five children, they inevitably throw some items into the cart that I don’t have on the list: goldfish, Sour Patch Kids, small bites, Pringles, cookies, and donuts,” begins author Melissa Willets wrote her experience report on the parent portal parents.com and thus speaks to many Parents from the soul. Children often do not have the food preferences that their parents would want. But how to deal with it? On TikTok Parents, specifically mothers, are currently divided into two categories: the “gummy bear” and the “almond mother”. What it’s all about and why it’s another form of mom-shaming.
Gummy bear or almond nut? What is the difference?
Sweets or would you prefer fresh fruit and nuts? When it comes to snacks, the preferences of parents and children often differ. (Symbolic image) © Dreamstime/Imago
“Sometimes I tell them to put back a snack, candy or baked good, but often I don’t. I think as long as my children have balanced meals Fruit and Vegetables “It’s okay for them to enjoy treats at home,” Melissa Willets continues her report.
And: “It turns out there is a name for a parent like me: I’m a gummy bear mom.” What does that mean? Parents who sometimes allow their children to eat unhealthy snacks. And not just on birthdays. This means that the gummy bear mother is the opposite of the almond mother, as the user and self-confessed gummy bear mother @drjustyna points out TikTok explained.
Some users say in the comments section of the video that they are also gummy bear mothers. And interestingly, many of them seem to have said they were raised by almond mothers and are now stocking up on snacks and sweets at home in response to their overly strict upbringing.
Because kids won’t be satisfied with “a stick of celery and a handful of raisins” after a long day.
So does Melissa Willets. She writes that she always has a full fridge and freezer as well as a full pantry: “The selection of chips, granola bars and muesli is simply essential for survival. Because my kids aren’t going to be satisfied with a stick of celery and a handful of raisins between a long day of school and an evening of swimming, tennis, or dance class.”
It is also important for her to emphasize: “Just because Cheez-Its [Anm. d. Red. Cracker mit Käsegeschmack] are not forbidden in my kitchen, that doesn’t mean that I don’t buy organic food and fresh products for the family.” Nevertheless, after a dinner of lasagna, broccoli and bread, I’m still allowed to have a bowl of ice cream, says Willets. It’s also about balance and moderate enjoyment.
“Why are fathers never labeled?”
Every family has to decide for themselves what works for them. What particularly bothers the author and mother of five about such labels? That they are mainly given to mothers. “Why are fathers never labeled? That’s a whole different topic!”
Mom shaming is the term for the phenomenon that mothers are constantly judged. Start frequently invasive comments, unsolicited advice and criticism already during pregnancy and then move on to issues such as birth, Breastfeeding or bottle feeding and the question, when the mother goes back to workthrough.
Every decision that the mother makes regarding her child is evaluated. Sometimes also from complete strangers, such as in this case on social networks. Not only is this stressful and unsettling for mothers, the demands made are above all one thing: unfair. Because the way they do it, they do it wrong.
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How can parents deal with mom and dad shaming?
One example shows that parental shaming is widespread and can also affect men (although less often). Forsa survey on behalf of Bepanthen Children’s Funding from 2021 with 1000 participants. Around two thirds of the mothers and almost half of the fathers stated that they had ever been criticized for their parenting style.
The backgrounds are complex. Older generations often have different ideas about parenting and cannot do much with the bonding and needs-oriented parenting style of younger generations. It’s about value systems, but also about the person giving advice themselves: they think they know better and enhance themselves through their advice. Unfortunately, experience and expertise are often confused. This also applies to parents among themselves.
The child and adolescent psychotherapist Hilal Virit advises in an interview sueddeutsche.of in such cases to remain diplomatic and create distance. For example, with sentences like “Thank you for your concern, but I am satisfied with my upbringing.” This is also about the role model function of the parents to theirs Kind: Unsolicited advice is invasive. Here it is important to draw boundaries and communicate.
