Patorma. The rooms of memory, the wounds reached by a single song. Column by Sharmila C. Nair
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Annavan left the court earlier for his wife’s monthly check-up. While waiting impatiently in front of the gynecologist’s room, his eyes locked on the couple whose door suddenly opened. It was her and her husband! He was shocked for a moment. The story of a silent love lost by an unspeakable word flashed in my mind. He looked at her carefully while covering his eyes in sadness. In her eyes at that moment, he saw a hint of despair. The mischievous smile in those eyes had disappeared. In fact his situation was similar. Even as he stood in front of the gynecologist’s room, there was no joy in him about becoming a father.
He was seeing again a woman whom he had lost even though he was within arm’s reach, and that too became another man’s wife. His condition was similar. Another husband!
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Two
A few years ago, he asked me a question after he finished telling this story during a regular meeting. “Eto, haven’t you heard about me and her?” Which song would be suitable for this situation?
At that time, a parrot came and carved in the many song sheets in memory. Not bothering to see if it was a carved song, I continued with the most indifferent formality: ”You tell the story, and then the song …”
As he tumbled into the story, I flapped my song’s wings and soared into the sky between us.
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Three
He met her when he was living in a flat with his mother. It was a time when my mother was completely overcome by cancer. After his first love that lost him, he decided not to marry and was leading a single life. Being a lawyer, the court is everything. If the court is closed for the midsummer break. Nothing special to do. Such a day.
“That day, I was sitting on the sofa in the living room holding a book. If you look through the spy hole in the door, you can see people coming in front of the flat on the opposite side. Suddenly she appeared in front of me. A long and slender beautiful child. I liked her at first sight. How long I was there waiting for her to come down!”-this is how he remembers the moment.
As I was listening to that moment in his love story, I remembered a song written by Vayalar.
‘Like a pularikathir with a pink ring
Heaven’s door opens like a dream art…
He laughed when I told him that I remembered this song. I told him the story of that song. I remember when he said that, the stanza of that song was in my mind.
‘Some breath in the paths of loneliness..
A breath that will touch the fingers of my emotions..’
It is a song from the movie ‘Inquilab Zindabad’ released in 1971. Directed by KS Sethumadhavan. Sung by Yesudas. A song that didn’t get much attention but somehow settled inside me. There was only one reason for that – Dad. Dad’s song box on Kunnunal. The magic of remembering dad when he sings that song or dad when he remembers that song!
When I told the story, he turned to his love story. He was waiting for her in the same flat and came forward.
“How was I the next day? What if she comes? At first indistinctly, then distinctly, she widened into my eyes, holding the newspaper near the spy-hole. It was a yellow churidar. Indu is in that flat. . Final year engineering student. Be a classmate. Coming here will be for compound study. I guessed. When she came the next day, I sneaked out and went to the flat on the pretense of getting the newspaper. Indu introduced me to her. Mini, that was the name. The guess was correct. Classmate. She came for combined study. Suddenly my eyes locked on the cross shape of the necklace she was wearing. ”
I was watching the scene in my mind as if in a movie. I laughed. As for him, Katta was serious. Maniac as in any applicable.
”Then, every time she came, the newspaper was taken regularly. A silent relationship developed between us. Both of them knew that they liked each other even if they didn’t tell each other. Another love. I was afraid of that. But I really liked…”
But every time he thought of her, that crucifix around his neck drew him back. His conservative mother does not allow her son to take a non-religious woman with him. He did not want to do anything that would cause pain to that life that was crawling through its numbered days. Even the marriage is because of the mother’s desire to have a companion for her son when she closes her eyes. But he continued the spy hole romance. He saw her coming and sat holding the newspaper. Indu often teased him that I will give you the newspaper in the morning. When she hears it, she laughs without saying anything else. And so a month passed.
When he goes on telling stories, I remember the song againN started Balachandran Chullikadu wrote the story and screenplay of the film Jalakam. Music by MG Radhakrishnan to ONV’s poetic lyrics. Voice of Yesudas.
‘A single branch of copper water
You stood in front of me
Without pinching the flakes
I watched without hugging…’
The song is a visual depiction of Appu (Asokan) and Lata (Parvathy)’s unrequited love. The film revealed the extraordinary acting skills of the actor named Ashokan. Appu is drawing Lata’s picture on the wall. On the day of Lata’s wedding, Appu, who adds a thali to that wall painting, will fill the audience’s mind as a novice.
He is still telling the story. But the romantic beauty of that love story was suddenly mixed with the tragedy of reality.
His spy hole romance didn’t last long. Soon, Indu’s father got a transfer order to Palakkad. As soon as they moved away, the possibility of seeing Mini also stopped. But she was aware. He tried to draw a picture of her whenever he was just sitting. The painter in him, who was gifted for drawing during his school and college days, reawakened. As ONV wrote:
‘Ero Dalam Vitaru Matras
Each line… color…
I you on top of a mud wall
He took a golden bag and put it..’
Meanwhile, the mother found a girl who was her son. He tied the thali to the girl in a small ceremony attended by 10 to 20 people.
Even at the moment of clapping, her face flashed in my mind. Was I really in love with her? Now it doesn’t seem like there was. But I wished that a girl like that came into my life.
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Four
“Moon lusted girl
The star called you..”
A hit song from the unreleased film ‘Tere Mere Sapne…’ borrowed from the famous Rafi song ‘Tere Mere Sapne…’ from the Hindi film Guide.
R. D. The original song immortalized by Devanand and Waheeda Rahman, sung by Mohammad Rafi and directed by Burman, was:
‘Tere mere sapne ab ek rang hai
Oh jaham bheele jaye rahe…’
If you pick ten favorite Hindi songs, this Rafi song has to be one of them! Rosie (Waheeda), the oppressed wife of a wealthy archaeologist, who falls in love with a young freelance tour guide named Raj (Devanand). Isn’t my love behind this song the love for that love couple!
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Also Read: Chellamma, who fell in love with the king, and the madman who fell in love with Vanaja’s teacher, then Majeed and Suhara!
Also Read: A song that never stops!
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Five
Coming back to his love life.
As Osho said, marriage is a plastic flower, an institution where two individuals with different tastes fight for power, and he too soon realized.
It must have been a month after the marriage. When he came from the court in the evening, his mother laughed and said that. It was after a long time that he saw his mother smiling despite the pain.
‘Indu came today. She came with a marriage proposal for you. You know her friend Minnie. She said at home that she will only marry you.’
He felt as if the soil was eroding under his feet. The girl who was walking in her mind as a beautiful dream. She was right next door. Yet he cursed himself at Widdithmorth, who had not expressed the love he felt within him, under the impression that it was another religion.
‘Isn’t she a Christian? Will her family agree?’
He asked looking at his mother in surprise.
“Hey, she’s not a Christian, she’s a Hindu.” Didn’t I like her?
He could barely hear his mother’s question. He grabbed her mother’s picture hidden in her closet. His eyes locked on the cross around her neck that he had drawn in the picture. Like a madman, he rolled up the picture and threw it away.
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Also Read : ‘There are some seeds in the soil’s mind that germinate only with rain’, the symphony of love and longing
Also Read: Why is society so worried when a woman and a woman fall in love?
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Six
How many times has he heard the story of that idiot who lost her despite being out of reach. He seems to believe that if she had come into his life, maybe his life would have been different.
‘I don’t know if we will see each other again, if she will remember me. He was last seen in front of the gynecologist’s cabin. Year 22 has passed. Sometimes I felt like calling Indu’s number to inquire. But till date it has not matured. If you hear the news that she is happy. No, let her be happy wherever she is.”
It’s something he keeps repeating. Isn’t this thought what sets him apart from today’s toxic lovers!
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Whenever I remember him, I remember Appu’s romance in ‘Jalaka’. It is not Appu who pours paint on Lata’s picture he drew on her wedding day. Appu sings looking into Geetha’s eyes without even touching that fingertip. Those lines will also come to mind.
‘Inside the cages
Desires are short..
Everything that is kept in the beak without saying
The fingertip was throbbing..
A copper water with only one branch
You stood in front of me like a bud..’
Last Updated Feb 10, 2024, 7:09 PM IST
