Pathological Attachment: 4 Phrases for Control in Childhood – Highest Google Ranking

It has become common for a therapist to ask about a person’s childhood, according to clinical neuropsychologist Judy Ho, who emphasized that there is a good reason behind their desire to know.

Ho explained to CNBC that as a neuropsychologist, she helps people gain insight into their mental health and life problems, stressing that many of the challenges and conflicts we face as adults have their roots in the patterns that ‘ we learned early childhood, and the attachment styles. which is before us. This can make us feel unsure, anxious or disorganized.

In this area, about 38 percent of people in the United States said that their connections are not pathological, but very normal and secure. He calls them “connected researchers.” respect does not depend much on what other people think about them, what happens on a certain day, or what they achieve, according to them.

They can usually form healthy, stable relationships. They stay connected to the people they care about even as they explore and pursue their individual goals.

In her research and professional experience, she has found that “affiliate seekers” repeat four phrases to themselves on a regular basis:

“I believe in myself and I love myself”

These people usually have a strong sense of self and higher self-esteem, compared to those with insecure attachments. They are likely to have consistent positive feelings about themselves, their abilities, and their perception of acceptance by others.

They feel less shame, knowing that feeling shame can evoke feelings of incompetence and unworthiness. So the trust, support and care that Connected Explorers received as children provides a buffer of sorts against the prevailing feelings that something very flawed, or fundamentally wrong, has happened to them.

“I can handle what comes my way.”

Affiliate Explorers are resilient in the face of adversity. They tend to have more mental resilience than others, which means that they are able to deal with difficult situations, accept them and adapt better.

They are able to change their way of thinking in these situations.

Psychologists say this “changes your life.” Once they do this, they can act in ways that are consistent with their values.

They have the ability to focus on a specific outcome, and find different solutions and paths towards their goals. They can do this even when their thoughts and feelings are telling them to run away.

In general, people with higher psychological resilience report lower levels of depression, anxiety, and distress, even when dealing with stressful events.

“I can achieve positive results.”

Affiliate Searchers have a high level of personal power. Because caregivers were always available, sensitive to their needs, and responsive to their emotional signals, they learned power and felt in control of their environment from an early age .

They tend not to feel helpless in stressful situations. They know that there are things in this world that are beyond their control, but they are less likely to think about them. They believe that, more often than not, if they put in the effort, they can achieve anything they set their mind to.

In this area, she emphasizes that “believing in your ability to influence what happens to you is very important in creating a sense of stability and consistency in your life. “

When faced with conflict or challenges, these people have a high tolerance for frustration, can communicate effectively, and use their skills to find solutions, largely because they are optimistic about their ability to overcome. obstacles and successes.

They believe that the world in general is predictable, and that they can prepare for their safety.

“I can be independent and also depend on others.”

We all need connection and self-reliance. As always, balance is the key. We often call this interdependence.

“Connected Explorers” understand where you end, where others begin, and in the case of more intimate or romantic relationships, where “we” begin. Although they like to communicate with other people, they also like to spend time alone.

They are also:

They protect their own interests, and encourage their partners to do the same.

They may ask for help, but they feel comfortable dealing with problems on their own.

They do not feel guilty about receiving support, because they know that there will be an opportunity for them to give it back.

They express their feelings freely, and do not worry that they will not do it again.

They feel comfortable being vulnerable, sharing their feelings, experiences and fears, and are likely to encourage others to do the same, leading to co-management of their they help with stress relief and relaxation.

They accept the reality of differences, and they know that, despite conflict, they can remain in contact with others.

They do not feel so much anxiety, fear or doubt in their relationships.

Securely attached adults are more likely to lead with a general belief that most people have good intentions, rather than being overly suspicious. They have a strong sense of personal values, and act relatively quickly when others violate these values ​​to show their disappointment or frustration.

Although they may find themselves in situations that seem to threaten their internal working models (such as being briefly in an emotionally abusive relationship), they are still able to to evaluate people and events objectively, and generally restore the belief that most people can be trusted. and trust.