Parenting｜Should the child’s hug request be met immediately?Experts analyze the five major reasons why people are reluctant to walk + prescribe the right medicine
The child can obviously walk on his own, but after taking two steps, he suddenly wants to be held by his parents. If he is not held, he keeps shouting. Xu Qiaoying, service director of the Family Life Education Section of the Boys’ and Girls’ Clubs Association of Hong Kong, analyzed the five major reasons why children under 3 years of age hug. Parents may have ignored the physical and mental needs of their children. In fact, as long as the right medicine is given, there are ways to solve the problem.
Reasons why children refuse to walk
1. Easily tired, hungry, and physically uncomfortable
When children face physiological needs, such as being easily tired and hungry, or feeling unwell, they will express their uncomfortable feelings directly through crying. Children need exercise for their physiological development. They need to walk more roads to develop their muscle strength. Only when they are in good physical condition will they like to walk. If the child often hugs, parents can first understand the child’s needs. If it is just because he is tired and does not want to walk, parents can encourage the child with words. Ms. Xu pointed out that even for children aged 1 to 2, parents can try to communicate with them in simple language, “Mommy and daddy know that you are naughty, but mommy and daddy are naughty and want to encourage you to do your best.” “Why don’t we help you during the whole process? You can walk for a while and we can hold you for a while.” Or use children’s language to express: “If you care about Daddy/Mummy, you will care about them, so Daddy/Mummy will care about your hands and feet.” Your baby is tired and you need to rest. Why don’t we hold you for a while, walk for a while, and then my baby can rest for a while.” When a child is willing to do it, parents will praise and appreciate his efforts and find ways to encourage him.
If the child is too small and just learning to do things, parents must understand that the child is not strong enough yet. (Getty Images)
If the child is too young and just learning to do things, parents should also understand that the child is not strong enough yet. If he does not want to be carried, it is recommended to bring a stroller on standby when going out. If a child refuses to sit, it may be because he feels uneasy or bored. Parents can place towels, quilts, dolls or toys that the child is familiar with in the car to increase his sense of security and speed up his adaptation to the environment. You can chat or sing with your child while pushing the stroller to let him know that his parents have not disappeared or left, thus reducing the chance of crying.
2. Physiological reasons such as physical constitution
Children aged 1 to 2 have just learned to walk. Some physiological reasons such as coordination, muscle tension, flat feet, internal and external splayed feet, etc. may affect walking, causing them to feel tired after walking for a while. Parents can pay attention to the situation. If they find that their child “picks his left foot and right foot” from time to time or is prone to falling and walking unsteadily, professionals will be required to intervene and evaluate.
3. It is easy to fall down and lose confidence when you are just learning and practicing.
Introverted, anxious, and sensitive children are prone to feeling frustrated. It is very common for children to want to be held by their parents because they lack the confidence to walk because they have been knocked down and are afraid of being injured. It is easy for parents to misunderstand children and think that they are lazy, disobedient, and uncooperative. Ms. Xu suggested that parents first help their children build their confidence, such as starting by walking on some flat roads to familiarize them with walking, or letting children choose where they want to go to increase their interest in walking. Parents should also plan rest time when going out to prevent children from giving up because they are too tired. In addition, for children who lack confidence, parents should appreciate and praise them more, or treat walking as a game to increase excitement, so that children can be more motivated to walk and slowly build up their self-confidence.
For children who lack confidence, parents should appreciate and praise them more, or treat walking as a game to increase excitement, so that children can be more motivated to walk and slowly build up their self-confidence. (Getty Images)
4. Lack of security
Some children are prone to anxiety, fear of unfamiliar environments, and lack of security. Ms. Xu has seen children who came to the center for the first time and refused to land because they lacked a sense of security. They would hug their parents tightly and observe the environment before they can adapt. She suggested that parents try to take their children to walk on more familiar roads and walk together several times to help them understand that walking is not a scary thing and reduce their uneasiness, thus making them willing to walk on their own.
Miss Xu also gave another example, saying that some children have regressed in their behavior due to the birth of a younger brother or younger sister. They have obviously learned to walk, but they try to force their parents to hold them. These are actually manifestations of a lack of security, and parents need to face it. On weekdays, parents can hug their children at home and chat with them more to make them feel valued and needed by their parents, thereby releasing their inner uneasiness and knowing that they are loved children.
Some children have severe anxiety and are easily afraid of unfamiliar environments and refuse to leave because of a lack of security. They must first recruit their parents and observe the environment before they can adapt. (Getty Images)
5. External environmental factors
Ms. Xu found that when children first learn to walk, they are curious about the outside world and want to rush to see, touch, and play with interesting things. Many parents are afraid that children will destroy objects, get hurt, or harass them. Others will suddenly pick up the child to stop his actions, gradually causing the child to lose the motivation to explore. Parents need to pay attention to whether they have such behavior. Sometimes being too protective or too permissive can also cause problems for children. If you want to improve children’s motivation for walking, parents can encourage and appreciate their children more, or use games to stimulate motivation.
Use games to stimulate children’s motivation for walking
Parents can create goals for a short distance, such as asking children to help pick up a designated object while visiting the supermarket, to arouse his interest and encourage him to walk to find it on his own. If a child is hugging on the way, parents should quickly divert his attention. For example, say to him, “We are so proud of the front, let’s go over together to see what’s going on!”, guide the child to walk to the destination on his own, and then praise him. and affirm him. If the child asks for a hug as soon as he leaves the door, parents can try to “talk” with him and set some walking goals. For example, if he can hold him for a while when he walks downstairs, he must walk alone when he carries him to the street. How long can he walk before he can rest? Or “run and run” along a section of the road to add variety to the process and make it interesting, increasing the children’s motivation to walk on their own.
How to deal with crying and hugging?
In fact, most children cry to vent their emotions. Ms. Xu believes that parents do not need to rush to stop their children from crying. They can first let them cry for a while to vent their negative emotions, then understand why they are crying, and then deal with the incident. “If a child hugs him as soon as he cries, it will make him feel that he can be hugged whenever he cries in the future, so it is better to hug him after he calms down.” This is also a way to let the child know that he needs to calm down on his own, and Crying cannot be used to achieve his request to be held; parents can also calm themselves down in the process.
The calmer the parents are, the quicker the children will calm down.
Ms. Xu said that she understands that when parents have to deal with their children’s emotions, their own emotions are easily affected and they may be very irritable, but scolding their children will not help matters. She suggested that parents try to put themselves in the child’s shoes and think about why he behaves and what his needs are, instead of yelling at the child when he hears that he doesn’t want to be held and needs someone to hold him, because negative emotions will be “contagious.” Children, when children see their parents being emotional, they will become nervous themselves. On the contrary, the calmer the parents, the easier it is for the children to control their emotions. If parents feel that they are unable to speak calmly and properly at the moment, they can use their eyes to communicate with the child, nod to tell him that his parents know that he is tired and understand his needs, and then ask if he wants to go to the toilet, is he hungry, or is he going to the street? If there are too many masters, you will be afraid of waiting.
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When children see their parents getting excited, their emotions will become tense; on the contrary, the calmer the parents, the easier it is for the children to control their emotions. (Getty Images)
Communicate well with children
Ms. Xu pointed out that a 3-year-old child can already walk for about 20 minutes. If the child is clearly able to walk on his own but still cries and cuddles, parents should communicate with the child and let him know that crying will not help the situation. Some children actually know that their crying will attract the attention of others, and their parents will comply with their needs due to environmental pressure, so they will use this method to challenge their parents in order to achieve their goals. In this case, it may not be useful for parents to reason with the children. It is better to pick up the children and leave the scene first, and wait for both parties to calm down.
However, it is best to explain to the child after returning home, letting the child know that he has grown up and gained a lot of weight, and that his parents will feel tired and uncomfortable after holding him, so as to encourage him to walk on his own. Miss Xu reminds parents that they can start to reduce the time they push a stroller or hold their child when he is about 2 and a half years old, so that he has more opportunities to get used to walking. If he is held too much, he will lose the opportunity to exercise his daily muscle strength.
Service Director of the Family Life Education Section of the Boys’ and Girls’ Clubs Association of Hong Kong, Hui Kau-ying
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2023-11-13 00:23:23
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