What idea about sex have you had to unlearn, or would you like to unlearn? Midwife and author Uwe Porters (32) asked that question to 38,100 Flemish people on Instagram. She received hundreds of anonymous responses: we collected the most striking ones and together with Uwe we learn a few important lessons about our sex life. “A man doesn’t have to have a huge penis to be good in bed.”
Lessons for the home: “Sex without love can still be hot, tasty and good”
Midwife Uwe Porters (32) posts a spicy question on Instagram every week and thus succeeds in getting the Fleming out of bed. It reveals our — often surprising — erotic preferences and habits. What turns out this week? We all grew up with romantic comedies that colored our view of sex.
“It immediately caught my eye,” Uwe begins. “A lot of people were convinced of the idea for a long time: you have to save yourself for the one. You should only have sex with someone with whom you feel a deep love connection. But more and more we realize that it is a distorted concept. It’s really okay to separate love and lust from each other. Sex without love can just as well be hot, tasty, good sex.”
Someone sent: ‘I thought that as a man you always had to come to enjoy sex, but that’s not right’.
Another thing people have an opinion about: monogamy. “More and more people are realizing that it is actually a commitment that we impose on ourselves. And you can safely get rid of it. Someone put it nicely. He said, “It’s not because you marry each other that you have to make love forever, and no one else.” It may and can also be done differently.”
“For many women, sex has long been centered around ‘giving’. They ‘give’ their partner a blowjob or sex. But ask what they like? That is more difficult. Fortunately, they are also allowed to put their own pleasure and desires in the foreground.”
Rom-coms have also influenced our idea of orgasms, Uwe notes. “For a long time we assumed that coming is a must. There are women who admit that they faked their orgasms for a long time. But the climax need not be the end goal. There are also a lot of men who think like this. “I thought that as a man you always had to come to enjoy sex, but that’s not right,” someone sent.
Moreover, in romantic films you only see people with perfect bodies. And that is not a realistic reflection of real life. “A misconception that people try to let go of: ‘I’m not a size 36 or 38, so I can’t look sexy’. Or: ‘Only beautiful people can have good sex’. Your dress size or appearance has nothing to do with your attractiveness or sexual performance.”
For the rest, the reactions make it clear that we are still not free and free between the sheets. “Sending followers on Instagram that they had to get rid of the idea that sex, masturbation, pussy eating, penetration or sex after giving birth is dirty. The word ‘dirty’ comes back a lot. Unseen.”
“Where does that feeling come from? I’m not sure. It may have to do with the limited sexual education that was accompanied by shame. In any case, it shows how important it is that we learn to talk about sex in a normal, non-judgmental way. Only then can we get rid of those feelings of shame.”
What is your deepest desire? 40 Flemish respond: “That my partner with a low libido really wants me for once”
Have you ever colored outside the lines sexually? 40 Flemings respond: “Yes, with my mother-in-law”
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