Another promising date, and again didn’t the spark jump? Or can’t you find anyone on your dating site with so many possible partners who would suit you? Are you afraid of disappointment in advance? These may also be the reasons why some people are beginning to wonder if any partner search makes sense at all.
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Relationship coach and writer James Allen Hanrahan of California is clear about this. It always makes sense, all you have to do is overcome the three imaginary walls that prevent us from finding the relationship and building the necessary intimacy.
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Chemie
One of the biggest challenges of chemistry, which is needed to skip the spark, is that you do not know if you abound in it and it will work for you until you meet someone in person.
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No matter how much you write on the person in question or just “lustrate” someone’s profile, chemistry requires personal contact. You have to get to someone a short distance to “work” the pheromones.
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Only then will your body decide whether it is acceptable to you or not. From an evolutionary point of view, it just works that way. So if you want to overcome this imaginary wall, you have to go out among the people and find out.
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Compatibility
If you are lucky enough to meet someone with whom mutual chemistry works, you have not won yet. The next step is to find out if you are compatible.
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“Compatibility at the basic level means that you love each other,” explains Hanrahan on his blog.
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Chemistry means you’re attracted, while compatibility means you’re in love at a basic level and you’ve created a potential foundation of friendship, he adds.
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And what can be the compatibility criteria? For example, if you have common interests and hobbies. You live relatively close to each other. Or do you have a similar amount of free time that you can spend on a relationship, etc.
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Above all, according to the coach, mutual closeness should not be underestimated. Of course, it is possible to build a relationship at a distance, but for both it will be an extra burden.
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“Always remember that relationships are built primarily through personal contact,” adds the coach.
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Communication
One of the foundations of communication is the ability to negotiate. According to the expert, perhaps the biggest challenge today is to find people who are willing to enter into and adhere to agreements that contribute to the desired goal of forming a couple (team).
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“To get through the communications wall, start a conversation. Two of our basic and often underestimated needs are to be heard and recognized. Once you start communicating, another potential hurdle will be the ability to ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want. So you will find out if you are with someone who wants to build and share intimacy with you, or is just playing with you, “outlines the next step.
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However, as the expert adds, simply overcoming one of these “walls” will not be enough to create and maintain an intimate relationship. It is therefore necessary to work on all of them. But overcoming them is definitely worth it. It will create solid cornerstones for the future, love, relationship and intimacy.
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