The British group Oasis has announced a comeback. That should be a shock, because their boring rock music also paved the way for Brexit.
Oasis are going on tour again?! So what? Any other problems? Do the Gallagher brothers, with their completely sappy, pathetic guitar whining that was already prevalent in the 1990s, and their New Labour class consciousness that smells of stale beer without the purity law, as well as their obtrusive sideburns down to their temples and their dick-attitude pseudo-mod style, now have to add their Manchester trouser rock’n’roll mustard because they have to earn money for the stair lifts that will be needed later?
Definitely, maybe. Now the Gallagher brothers are creating a sense of community and a beautiful alliteration in these times of isolation and polarization.
Why Oasis?
And it’s true that pop music gives everyone a second chance. Even Oasis and the brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher. Although: so many really talented guys from yesterday, the day before yesterday and the day before that deserved their reunion so much more and probably needed it much more financially than Noel and Liam. Why Oasis of all people?
These lads who had become filthy rich and were throwing pool balls around in the pub were really only ahead of one thing: their rock-based form of Britpop was the musical anticipation of Brexit, an elitist, we’re-an-island whine. Music to get used to.
And then there’s this endless rock star simulation: an exaggerated form of the depths of superstardom. Shitting in the swimming pool while on coke. “Definitely Maybe”, what an inconsequential and at the same time cheeky album title. “Don’t Look Back in Anger”, a platitude in the pedestrian zone of existence.
Never forget: Oasis, that band with sideburns, only existed because the good, progressive bands on the Creation Records label, such as the gigantic My Bloody Valentine, were notoriously unsuccessful. As if nothing else counted but success?!
Guitar roadie of the Inspiral Carpets
No matter, because then Oasis came along: Noel was the guitar roadie for the mediocre rave band Inspiral Carpets, who sounded a million times more CHARISMATIC, TALENTED AND FUNNY than Oasis. No matter, because Noel had a master plan: What if rock music just felt like a cruise? It doesn’t have to hurt, it’s just a dream ship. And so he asked his brother Liam and they grew those damn sideburns and created “Don’t Look Back in Anger”, this catchy tune cheekily copied from the Beatles’ “Revolver” days.
And now, after decades of no contact due to a family rift… to cut a long story short… the reunion of the two super-hot guys Noel and Liam. This home story could only have been thought up by a major label guy who couldn’t care less about music and progression and who, after the series of sold-out stadium concerts from Rammstein to Coldplay, the last two already extremely bad stadium rock wastelands, is still yearning for more mainstream professional event management leveling returns.
For this, let’s call them by their name, the Samsonite generation, a dreamy Scrooge McDuck era is dawning again. Every day brings a new revival! Bling-bling, pilot cases snap-snap. Liam and Noel, Noel and Liam, they’ll rock the big cruise of profits.
