Professor of clinical neuropsychology Erik Scherder has a fear of flying, fear of failure and is terrified of death. YouTuber Dylan Haegens suffers from panic attacks and actor and columnist Joy Delima has a social anxiety disorder. These are just a few of the celebrities who open a book about their fears in the context of Psychologie Magazine’s #openoverangst campaign. Still not the least.
The figures show that it is nevertheless necessary to start talking about our fears. An online poll by Psychology Magazine shows that more than half of the people (54 percent) suffer from fears in their daily life. And 1 in 5 is even bothered by it so much that they have an anxiety disorder. In that case, a fear or multiple fears and panic controls your life. At the same time, more than 75 percent admit that they do not dare to talk openly about their fears and 70 percent even sometimes feel ‘weird’ because of their fear.
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Mandy, Rosan and Amanda also suffer from fears, but no longer want to keep them to themselves.
‘I roared so long until someone came to get me’
Mandy (28) suffers from claustrophobia.
“My grandmother lives a thirty minute drive away from me and in those thirty minutes I’m busy with the elevator that I have to step into. Then I say to myself, ‘Okay, you’ll be taking the elevator in a minute. You can do this.” When I have to explain my claustrophobia to people, I say: suppose you are terrified of spiders and then imagine stepping into a room filled with spiders. space to step into.
My body takes over from my head at such a moment. I know to relax and keep breathing calmly, but my body is screaming, “Get out. Now. Do not.’ I can’t breathe, my heart starts beating faster and it gets warm. I can also get that feeling when someone gives me a big hug. Even if it is a hug from my husband or from my mother, at such a moment I want to push those arms away and I can react angrily. That feels really crazy later on, because they are people I love, but I can’t help it. “
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“I have been with my husband for seven years. I have been open about my claustrophobia from the start. He takes it very well into account. Some time ago we visited a concentration camp in the Czech Republic. He warned me about the narrow corridor we had to go through. But I absolutely wanted to go through that hallway. My husband led the way. That went well until people walked behind me so that I could no longer see the light behind me. Then I felt the panic again and I knew: I have to leave now.
There are two experiences that may have caused or worsened my claustrophobia because as far as I can remember it has always bothered me. When I was about seven years old and playing hide and seek in my grandmother’s house, I hid in the meter cupboard which my nephew then locked. I roared until someone came to get me out of that closet. And when I was twelve years old, I was once trapped in an elevator. It seemed then as if I couldn’t breathe. And I always have that feeling when I enter a small space: I am not getting enough oxygen. “
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“I have to be in control. I challenge myself by getting into an elevator, but then I want to be in the front and be able to press the button. Strangely enough, I don’t find flying scary or going to a concert either. me in the Ziggo Dome and I know exactly where the exits are. As long as I know. At a fair or a fair where there are a lot of people, I don’t know, so I can panic.
I now also know how to react to become calm again and that is: breathing very consciously. Quickly take off a jacket or cardigan to get it a bit cooler and fill my lungs with air. When I feel ‘hey, there is air again’, I feel calmer again. “
‘I want to be able to do everyday things’
Rosan van der Zee (24) has fear of failure, (image) interest and a fear of busy (unclear) places.
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“It may sound strange, but I’m not easily scared. Just put me on a podium, let me climb a high mountain, ride a horse, you name it. People often think that is clever, while I would really like to do the everyday. But in this I am hampered by my fears.
I look up to people who live on their own at a young age, who do the laundry themselves, clean, cook and do the shopping themselves. I still live with my parents and avoid busy ones. unclear places because then I can panic. As a result, I cannot, for example, do my shopping properly. The whole process of looking for something, walking around where a lot of other people are: I want to get out as soon as possible. Especially in corona time. I have a statement that I don’t have to wear a face mask, but I wear it anyway because I don’t know how people will react to me when they see I’m not wearing one. I think that’s even worse. “
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“My fears all have to do with being unclear. I can learn very well. I know that I am smart. But I have already tried five courses and not finished any because I find the pressure from school and the assessments too high. I know somehow I can do it, but the pressure makes me panic and so afraid of failing that I don’t make it, or because of my previous high grades and my terrible perfectionism, I have set the bar so high that I succumb to the pressure. “
Video calling becomes one big mess
“When I get a call from an unknown number, I don’t answer. Not even when someone you know calls and I don’t know what the conversation could be about. Previously I sometimes called friends because they liked to call just like that. I thought that was exhausting. I didn’t know what was coming, what to say, or whether I said anything crazy. Now they know: Rosan doesn’t like calling.
Unfortunately, that does not apply to video calling during my training. I am obliged to do so but it consumes so much energy. That’s because I can’t focus properly on the lesson. So much is happening on the screen, but also in my own space at the same time. This is going to be one big mess, which makes it feel like it’s not real and at some point I don’t remember. “
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“Because of these fears I don’t really go out and – even though I really love music – I don’t go to concerts. Then I am only concerned with what others around me are going to do, what I have to do, or not annoying someone. will act against me and that I will not be robbed In short: I will not get anything from the music.
I tend to do a lot to escape reality. I’m going to climb, write the script and music for an animated movie, act, really anything. I have no limits, because I know: as soon as I stand still and feel a limit, things can go wrong and I can panic. “
Not the success story anymore
“I am convinced that you have to confront your fears. That is why I also agreed that you could call me for this interview. Moreover, I know what the purpose of this interview is. I will also start a nursing course next year and will receive since a year of ‘life course counseling’ to help me do daily things. I am also open about my fears, because they are part of who I am. I used to hide everything. I wanted to be the success story that I high marks. I was done with that. “
‘It feels like there is an elephant on my chest’
Amanda (37) has a fear of saying ‘no’ and thereby disappointing and losing people.
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“I suffer from a connective tissue disease that causes me less energy and pain because my joints are too loose. This means that I can do less than many other people. And that also means I have to say ‘no’ more often. But even though this disease is a congenital condition, I was diagnosed very late. Until then I encountered a lot of misunderstanding. “Why don’t you participate?”, “You have nothing, do you?” and “Isn’t it psychological?” As a child I was bullied because of it and I had no friends.
I think all the misunderstanding from my past has led to my scars and this fear. I was always the problem: I couldn’t participate. And now when I have to say ‘no’, I fear again that people will get angry, disappointed with me and eventually let me down. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, to be liked by everyone and have a lot of self-reflection. In itself a good quality, but people taste this self-relativization and that makes many people waltz over me.
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“At the moment I have been restless for two weeks. That’s because I recently came to the conclusion that a volunteer position that I had applied for, does not suit me very well. I had decided: I’m not going to do this. literally lying awake from having to decline this position by email. I feel pressure in my chest like an elephant is sitting on it, have a restless feeling all over and an uncomfortable tickle in my throat. It’s a very annoying feeling, so I try to relax to get rid of this but I find that difficult.
Because of my fear, I often go beyond my physical limits. An example: I have two walking buddies. Recently the situation arose where both women wanted to walk with me on the same day. Because I do not want to disappoint both, I went for a walk twice while my illness meant that I had no energy and so I crossed my limits. But rather physical pain than having to suppress that restless, uncomfortable feeling. “
Less taboo, more understanding
“To better deal with my fear, I spoke to a coach. She said, ‘let it be and don’t give it any attention. Keep trusting that it will go away.” But I also want to be open about my fear. It is precisely by talking about it that the taboo becomes less and hopefully this leads to more understanding. Moreover, I have already seen a few times that people understood me when I ‘no’ on something. That is literally a relief. Unfortunately I will not be able to rely on that next time. “
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Most common fears
- Performance anxiety – to make mistakes or not do something right (71 percent)
- Social anxiety – of the reaction or criticism of others (70 percent)
- Fear of public speaking (64 percent)
- Fear of death – that a loved one falls ill or has an accident (62 percent)
- Fear of heights (55 percent)
- 30 percent of people suffer from fear of loneliness, small spaces (claustrophobia), becoming ill themselves, driving, using the telephone and / or fear of flying.
Source: Psychology Magazine
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