Mother of Liepa, who has an oncological disease: “There is no time to be sad – positive thinking leads us forward”

Cancer is a diagnosis that shocks not only the patient himself, but also his entire environment. When you hear this, the ground seems to start to slide under your feet, but gradually you realize that you have no choice but to accept this message and move forward into the fight.

Eglė Seiliūtė-Žukauskienė shares her family’s experience of how they found out about their daughter’s oncological disease and what helps them maintain positivity to this day.

Neringa Eimutienė, a medical psychologist at the Oncology and Hematology Clinic of the Kaunas Clinics Hospital of the Lithuanian University of Health Sciences (LSMU), advises that it is important to remember that the sick person is first and foremost a person, not a patient.

Life turned upside down in an instant

Liepa’s mother, Eglė, said that the family learned about the girl’s oncological disease unexpectedly – because there were no visible or alarming signs.

“It was an ordinary Friday, September 21, 2021. At that time, Liepa was still four years old in kindergarten, and when she returned home, she played with her father and brother. After everyone fell asleep it was a peaceful night, no complaints or tears. However, when she woke up in the morning, she could no longer get out of bed because she had an acute stomach ache, the girl’s mother said. – When we went to the hospital with the “ambulance”, we didn’t know how long the road was ahead of us.”

After detailed examinations, Liepai was finally diagnosed with extrarenal nephroblastoma, a case of atypical kidney cancer.

The first treatment lasted almost a year until remission was achieved. Then, just over a month later, the situation happened again: due to stomach pains, the family went to the Mažeikiai Regional Hospital, and from there to Šiauliai. For the second time, Eglė asked to be referred to Kaunas clinics, where she was treated the first time. After going there, the news was immediately confirmed – the disease has returned and a new 10-centimeter mass has been discovered.

They don’t waste energy on things that are not in their control

Liepa’s mother said that when she first learned what new circumstances she would have to live with, she and her family initially accepted the fact that the outcome could be anything: “It’s just unpredictable, so we had to accept it. Then we also accepted the fact that Liepa will probably lose her hair due to the medication, but again – we could not have any influence on that, only accept it, – she said. “We just took everything that came with all this traffic.” We didn’t waste energy on what was beyond our control, and focused on what we could change, create, improve, strengthen, who to help and whom to trust.”

According to Eglė, one of the biggest tests was to explain to her four-year-old daughter what was happening, to help her feel comfortable within the walls of the hospital, to find safety and trust in them: “When Liepa first asked me why she was in the hospital, I spontaneously and organically had the idea to tell her a story about it , that a pet has settled in her tummy. He came because he needs a lot of attention and love, but he cannot stay in the belly. Therefore, all procedures were carried out so that we could take care of that pet and find him a new home.”

Liepa’s mother noted that she never told her daughter that she was sick – she only focused on the pet in her stomach.

Even when the girl felt weaker, her mother concentrated on strengthening a good emotional background: “We used to call our kindergarten friends and do various chores together, draw, play board games. We decorated our ward, its doors, hung Liepa’s works on the walls, and we always discussed it with the specialists who visited us. We tried to create the best possible environment and surround her with smiles so that she feels at home in the hospital.”

Living everyday with great faith and love

During all this time, Liepai underwent two chemotherapy treatments, two radiotherapy treatments, two surgical treatments and a bone marrow transplant.

“The processes are not short and require patience, but with the right drive and trust in the medical staff – everything is easier to overcome,” said Eglė.

At the moment, the girl is not receiving treatment, but is under the intensive care of specialists, awaiting confirmation of remission.

“I think the most correct thing is to live everyday without expectations and with great faith, enjoying everything, with love, diving into adventures and accepting everything that awaits. During this period, not only Liepa grew up, but all of us – we got rid of many fears, we matured,” said the girl’s mother, adding that “this diagnosis provides opportunities to learn to feel yourself and your environment and be only where you feel comfortable and good.”

Psychologist: a person must feel that he is not alone in the hospital

According to N. Eimutienė, a medical psychologist at the Oncology and Hematology Clinic of the LSMU Hospital Kaunas, the diagnosis of an oncological disease always causes a lot of anxiety, fear, and confusion both for the patient himself and his relatives. “The patient’s emotional and mental state will be better when he feels that he is not alone in his illness, that there are people around whom he can always turn to and ask for help,” the specialist noted.

She drew attention to the fact that very often relatives are afraid to talk about feelings with the patient: “It’s like a desire to protect each other, denying the problem. However, unspoken feelings do not disappear anywhere – they further encourage both the sick person and their loved ones to close themselves off, feel lonely, misunderstood.”

Talking openly with the patient and the circle of relatives about their fears and expectations can strengthen the relationship between them and find solutions to the difficulties caused by the disease.

According to N. Eimutienė, it is extremely important not to forget that a sick person is a person, not just a patient. “A sick person does not want to be different, everyone wants to return to normal life. Therefore, it is important that communication with him is not always about the disease. It is recommended that the patient engages in simple work, hobbies, and heart-pleasing things together with his relatives. It is always important to remind the patient that he is important not because of something, but because he is there,” said the medical psychologist.

Uzsak. No. SAM-14