Miscarriage is a traumatic event that affects individuals and families, often in profound ways. Yet, despite its prevalence, it remains shrouded in secrecy and silence. Many people who have experienced a miscarriage feel isolated and unsupported, unsure of where to turn for help, or whom to confide in. In this article, we will explore the topic of the secrecy of miscarriage, examining the reasons behind it, its impact on those who have experienced one, and the importance of breaking the silence.
The loss of a child through miscarriage or stillbirth is a devastating and painful experience for parents. It is a complicated grief that is often shrouded in silence due to the many gynecological health issues, illness, pain, trauma, and uncertainty surrounding it. With the feeling of “empty arms,” mothers who experience this loss can be unprepared to navigate the powerful bereavement reactions they may experience.
Depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder are common symptoms associated with the complex and pervasive grief of pregnancy loss. This isolation can also heighten anxieties during future pregnancies, making it especially challenging for parents to cope. Unfortunately, the silence surrounding pregnancy loss perpetuates the stigma of this taboo subject, leaving many individuals to suffer in silence.
According to Dr. Sieglinde Mullers, consultant obstetrician and gynecologist at the Rotunda Hospital and a maternal-fetal medicine specialist, about one in five women experience a miscarriage. Certain medical conditions and advancing maternal age can increase the risk of miscarriage, but it cannot be prevented in most cases. Mullers believes that there is now more awareness and openness surrounding pregnancy loss, thanks in part to prominent public figures sharing their experiences.
The trauma of perinatal loss impacts parents for up to 12 years following the loss, with symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as sleep disturbance, dizziness, and headaches. The medical aspects of care understandably take precedence when a loss occurs, but it is crucial to address emotional support simultaneously. The HSE National Standards for Bereavement Care and the Rotunda Hospital’s bereavement team aim to provide a framework for bereavement support and tools for parents to navigate their loss and communicate it to others.
Processing grief often includes seeking an understanding of the cause of the loss, but unfortunately, there is often no answer. Mullers is regularly asked if the parent caused the loss and feels it is essential to reassure them that it was not their fault. In cases of recurrent miscarriage or stillbirth, investigations might be necessary to identify any factors that could potentially modify any future pregnancies.
Grief is a personal and individual experience that deserves attention, discussion, and validation. Everyone’s experience is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. For some, silence is their preferred way to process their grief, and it is crucial to respect their choice. Support and resources are available from organizations such as the Miscarriage Association of Ireland, Féileacáin, and Samaritans.
As a society, we are now more aware and willing to have open discussions about the emotional impact of pregnancy loss on families and their well-being. While the loss of a child is a heart-wrenching experience, having access to support and validation can help parents navigate this difficult time. The silence surrounding pregnancy loss must end, and we must continue to create a space where individuals can share their experiences without fear of judgment.
In conclusion, miscarriage can be a difficult and painful experience for women and their families, but sharing their stories can help break the silence and reduce the stigma surrounding pregnancy loss. It’s important to remember that there is no shame in experiencing a miscarriage, and seeking support from loved ones, healthcare professionals and support groups can help with the healing process. By raising awareness and discussing this sensitive topic, we can create a more compassionate and informed society that supports those who have experienced miscarriage. Let’s continue to be open and honest about miscarriage and work towards a more supportive and understanding future.
