Meryl Streep and Don Gummer hid their separation for a few years
Social networks have ensured that celebrity separations are part of our daily lives at the click of a scroll. Faced with the possibility of escaping the tedious and marketing official statements, well-known people now prefer to make their breakups official in posts without the need for third parties. In this way, between news and memes, the separations of celebrities are interspersed with the content uploaded by friends and family, strengthening virtual relationships and making us feel that we are a little closer to them. And this is precisely the reason why, when we discover that they have been hiding news for a long time, we feel not only surprised but even betrayed.
Although more and more celebrities seem to be opting for separations that could well have been coordinated by Gwyneth Paltrow given the affection, respect and empathy conveyed by the words they dedicate to their ex-partners in the texts with which they announce their breakups, we now witness to the phenomenon of silent separations. We are talking about breakups that occurred a long time ago and about which we have news so late that it is impossible to hide the surprise that the headline provokes.
Perhaps the most media case has been that of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, who had been separated for seven years without us having any idea. Shortly afterward we discovered that Meryl Streep and Don Gummer had also been divorced for six years. In the world of overinformation and lack of privacy, these secrets are surprising while raising the question of whether perhaps it is healthier not to rush the news and implement self-knowledge and self-care before the headline bombshell. What if mute divorce is the best for healing?
Meryl Streep with Don Gummer at a gala in 2020
In reality, in Hollywood, secret divorces are not so strange thanks to the private judges used by names like Elon Musk and Chris Pratt. The popular private judge Jill Robbins, who oversaw Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s divorce, explained to The Cut that contrary to what it might seem, in reality the majority of those who hire her are not celebrities, but rather dentists, doctors, life insurance executives or lawyers. Wearing separations in hidden mode is not exclusive to celebrities, since privacy is now as desired by anonymous people as by public figures. In a world where secrets are scarce, enjoying secrecy and silence is the new luxury. “The wonderful thing about this is that this way we prevent people from giving their opinion on the matter. In the end, everyone believes they have the right to their opinion and, really, opinions that are not verified by professionals (lawyers or psychologists) can create a huge mental mess and can even cause disagreements with our partner when it comes to approaching things. Friends and family, with all their good intentions, do not know about our particular case and can do more harm than help,” says Nieves Aparicio, director and founder of Válory, a company specialized in divorces for women with children.
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Having time to organize ideas, manage grief and even look for a new home makes it possible for each part of the recently separated couple not to have to face excessive emotional pressures, to which on so many occasions we must add the questions and comments of friends and family, who make the breakup, always complicated and delicate, even more tedious. In the face of a screaming society, remaining silent, at least in emotional matters, can help.
At the same time, we have become accustomed to the fact that both celebrities and our environment have turned social networks into the loudspeaker of their private lives, so it seems almost a mandate to let others know what the situation is in the relationship. This is what Elizabeth Clapes, author of Losing You to Find Me, says: Get over a breakup and fall in love with yourself again. “We feel almost obliged to ‘keep our environment informed’ of our relationship because, if we have uploaded photos at some point and we stop doing so, they will think that we have broken up. In fact, this is how, on many occasions, we find out about famous people’s breakups, because they stop following each other on social networks, delete photos together, etc. It is also common to see that one member of the couple pressures the other to publish photos/videos proving that they are in a relationship, since it is common for some people to interpret the absence of photos with boyfriends or girlfriends as being single. And it does not have to be that way. We have the right not to want to keep anyone informed of our private life,” she explained.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, at the Vanity Fair party for the controversial 2022 Oscars – Credits: @grosby
At Christmas time, communicating a breakup is especially complicated, something that also happens in those family gatherings in which the moment someone appears without their partner they are subjected to an interrogation. For this reason, there are those who prefer not to let the family know and wait for time to pass, which although it may not cure everything, it does help smooth out rough edges. “Not telling it is a way to prevent them from bringing up the topic, from harassing us with questions and from ending up opening the wound. The ideal would be to reach an agreement with the ex-partner in this regard to avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts,” Clapés clarifies when talking about those who prefer to attend these meetings keeping silent about their breakup.
We must not forget the fact that culture, ethnicity, social norms and expectations can also play a relevant role in keeping a separation secret. “Depending on how divorce or separation is understood in the person’s environment, they will tell it or not, they will separate sooner or later, or they will even do so or not. It will always depend on the person’s involvement in said culture or ideology, but it has a lot of influence. Let us remember that there are religions in which divorce is not conceived and is even punished,” comments the psychologist.
Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt married in 2000 and separated five years later, but they could not avoid scandal and public opinion
Silent separations attract our attention because they are completely opposite to the emotional exhibitionism that now reigns on social networks, where it is not strange for people in our close circle to give authentic statements about the state of their relationships and their breakups, as if well-known characters will be involved.
As Dan Lyons says in Cállate, “the noise will never go away, but we can disconnect. For the sake of our physical health and psychological well-being, we must try.” In a world that encourages us to talk more, staying silent can be the ultimate act of self-care and rebellion.
2024-01-03 19:14:13
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