“My mother did everything she could to get me the right help. She fought for me day and night. She also received help from MPs and it was reported in the media. We were constantly running into extremely long waiting lists.”
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Death wish
Her traumas, borderline, increasingly serious mental problems and the lack of appropriate help mean that Romy has had a very strong death wish since she was eighteen. “I just didn’t want to live anymore, because the monster in my stomach – as I called it as a young girl – was getting stronger and stronger. I wrote in my diary that I hoped it wouldn’t beat me, but I feel like it did.”
The desire to leave life is so strong from that point on that she tries in different ways. “It started out low-key, but became more and more intense. So bad that at one point I was in a coma for two days. ”
Staff
At the beginning of last year, Romy ended up in hospital in a critical condition. At that time she only weighed 31.8 kilos and her mother had been looking for help for her daughter for eleven months. Romy eventually gets help, but the battle she enters into with herself is tough. “It got better for a while, but I still had a relapse. I have gained weight, but I am still underweight. I struggled so much with that, because it is a struggle that cannot be described. I was constantly thinking: when will this end? It is a never ending story.”
Since last March she has not been admitted anywhere because she is suicidal. “I had a relapse of self-harm and it hasn’t really stopped. It’s now so bad that I end up in the hospital several times a week with hundreds of stitches. My parents already knew that I used my arms for this, but discovered in the ICU that my legs were also completely full.”
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Parents
Because her parents see how tough it has been for Romy all these years, they are faced with the most difficult decision you can make as a parent. “My mother cannot imagine life without me and still hopes that I will make a different choice. Yet she stands next to me and tries to accept it, because she is afraid that otherwise I will end my life in an inhumane way and then not be able to hold my hand when I die.”
“My father says he will miss me very much and is having a really hard time with it, but says he has also learned that he has to let me go out of love. They ultimately said that they support me if I choose euthanasia, so that I can end my life in a humane way.”
“That’s why I registered with the end-of-life clinic last December. Unfortunately, the waiting times there are very long and I felt that I was not going to survive. Either I go the humane way, or I do it myself. I understand that it has to be done carefully and according to the law, but three years is really too long for such an ordeal. You really don’t make such a choice lightly, so with such a waiting period, many people ultimately choose suicide. That just can not be.”
Euthanasia
It seems hopeless until she comes into contact with psychiatrist Menno Oosterhoff, who wants to help her. “My mother saw him on television, where he had helped a man get euthanasia. I contacted him and he found it so intense how long I had been suffering that he wanted to help relieve me of that pain. Fortunately, I was also told at the same time that my GP, together with the Mental Health Service, had decided to speed up the process. After a conversation with three second opinions, I finally received the redeeming answer last week: I can go in a humane manner on December 15 at 3:00 PM.”
Before that happens, she still wanted to fulfill her great wish to go to Disneyland. “I went there with a friend so I could give Stitch a hug one more time.” She also wants to experience the birthday of her sister and a good friend on December 9.
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Last day
She wants her last day to look like this: “The day before I go, I sleep with my mother and my sister. During the day a very dear friend comes by and a few people come to give them a last hug. I don’t have much energy anymore because I’m not in a good physical condition, but it doesn’t really matter to me if I spend the whole day indoors or in a wheelchair. At least my parents will be with me all day. And then it will happen.”
A relief for the young woman. “It’s very nice that it can finally be done this way and that I don’t have to compete anymore. I know it’s getting worse and after all these years I’ve seen it now. Life just wasn’t made for me. I’m definitely counting down, but at the same time I’m also very stressed because I want to leave everything good for everyone. I hate to make people sad, but of course I will.”
Butterfly
“I cry about it every day, but that is not surprising during this period. I am going to find peace in my own way and that is very important to me. Of course I know that I will miss a lot of people, but I keep in mind that I will soon be able to watch from above. I don’t believe that your soul will go to your grave, but I see myself flying up like a butterfly and finding my own place there. This way I can still see what everyone is doing down here.”
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2023-12-07 15:11:03
#Romy #chooses #euthanasia #Life
