The anorexia nervosa he has developed is life-threatening. “I weighed just 38 kilos at my lowest point. I was tube fed about five times in the hospital. Without that probe, I would not have been able to do this interview right now.” After a year on the waiting list, he can finally go to a clinic. “It was a terrible year, hell. Especially for my parents and sister. My father would sometimes sit in front of me crying and ask me if I would please go back to dinner. But someone with an eating disorder is self-centered. Everything revolved around me. The whole world didn’t interest me as long as I kept control.”
French fries with mayonaise
The impact of this is huge. “I became isolated, couldn’t participate in anything anymore. When it was thirty degrees in summer, I was still cold and I had downy hair everywhere. People looked after me and physically I felt bad. In order to enjoy food, I looked at pictures in cookbooks. I fantasized about what I would eat when I was better: a bag of chips with lots of mayonnaise.”
In the clinic, Mark sees the light. “I saw so much misery around me. One of my co-residents was divorced and her parents no longer wanted contact with her. I started to put everything into perspective, realized that I have a lovely family, that my parents are still alive and that my grandfather and grandmother were already old when they died. I went to the board and told them I was better. ‘We hear that twenty times a day, first come first,’ they said. But it was really done. I never had a relapse again.”
Experience expert
Mark is doing well. He is a successful businessman and enjoys good food immensely. “I prefer to eat out three times a week.” He will be giving lectures at the Leontienhuis from 12 March as an experience expert. “I want to tell people with an eating disorder what I would have loved to hear back then. I starved myself and messed up, but my life now is totally awesome. I regret my eating disorder and regret every day that I delayed my recovery. I also pass that on to others: every day with an eating disorder is one too many.”
Do you have an eating disorder yourself or do you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder and would you like to talk about it? You can do this at Mind Kor Relatie on 0900-1450, Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., or via the chat at www.mind grainatie.nl.
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